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 Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 12:35 pm
This year's been rather hard on me, and I guess during Christmas it really reminds me of what's been happening.
First, my grandma died. That took the biggest blow to me and I still haven't fully recovered from it. And this year I've gotten sick more times than I've ever gotten in a year. I had 2 cases of bronchitis, like a dozen colds, 1 ulcer, 2 kidney infections, 1 urinary tract, and 4 cases of the flu. I lost my job because I kept getting sick, and I kept getting more and more sick and I haven't had the chance to get another job >.<; I got really disheartened after that...
And then my family altogether has been crappy. My kind nature (and guilt trips from my dad) made me let my brother live with me as of late. But he has tried to completely take over my house! ><; Everything I say to him he goes up and bitches to my parents about. I feel trapped! He completely undermines all my authority and has no respect for me.
I guess I should've expected it though. He only is nice to me when he wants something and my kind nature always says yes =o= This was my fault, and this is what I have to live with. He keeps accusing me and my friends of going into the fridge and drinking his beers and eating his cheese (I can't even go into my own fridge to clean stuff out from Thanksgiving, because he'll just b***h and accuse!). My parents don't listen to me; They listen to my stupid piece of s**t brother. All he does is play WoW all day, nothing else. And when the internet is slow/laggy, he accuses me again! Last night he asked how I got my internet to not be so laggy and wanted to know what program I used. I was like "I turned off my messenger because of DAD, not you, you p***k". I just -know- I'm gonna hear about it later =o=
I just hate my brother. I lost all respect for him. The church that cremated my grandma sent us an invitation for a memorial for everyone who has lost someone this year, and so my family and I went. But not my brother-- He kept making up excuses as to why he couldn't go. He just didn't wanna go 'cuz he wanted to play WoW all day! He'll never admit it, though. I mean, my cousin who has 2 cysts on her ovaries and lived about 90 minutes away from us even made it up here for the memorial... ._.;
Furthermore, I am letting my friend Stephanie live at my house too, with her boyfriend (my boyfriend Matt's best friend), because she is fed up with her roommate who is purposely trying to split her and her boyfriend up.
That's fine and dandy... sort of. :/
A few days ago she got really upset and wanted to leave because she was sick of the way my house was. I had told her in advance that some things weren't working right... The washer broke because it doesn't go through the spin cycle (but the dryer works), the water tastes funny because the sediment and minerals in the water are in the water and it makes it taste a little funny, and the water heater for the shower trips a lot because it's old and needs to be replaced (though we've tried fixing it several times). So she got pissed off and fed up.. Though she never asked how -I- did laundry (I go to my parent's house.. like 50 feet away xD [I have 2 houses on one property]). It upset me because it felt like it was a reflection upon me because I live here... And alot of these things I can't help because my family just doesn't have the money to fix it right now.
I don't remember the last time I even played my -own- PS2, because it's in the living room. I wanted to play Dynasty Warriors 5, but nobody wants to play it with me (it's funner to play with someone).
I guess I'm just depressed because I have not only nothing to myself anymore, but I can't do or say anything that'll matter. I feel like I'm trapped in my own house with no way of getting out ._.;
It also doesn't help that this'll be the first year without my grandma, who I grew up relying heavily upon. She was the main influence in my life, and it's been really hard without her. It also doesn't help that I'm living in her house now. It hasn't helped the healing and grieving process at all.
And it also doesn't help that I didn't want my brother living with me to begin with, because I've never cared for him. I've hated him my whole life, because has a "god" mentality and thinks everyone is beneath him. I mean, it's sad that a 30-year old man is living with his 19-year old baby sister =o=
And so, because of everything I've just ranted about, I haven't been in a Christmassy mood. I thought that by doing the Secret Santa thing with everyone, it'd put me into that mood, but it hasn't. I've only slowly gotten more and more depressed, because everything's been getting me down. Normally they don't; I normally have a high resiliency towards these things... But they've been piling up, and so I'm sad and depressed :/
Matt (my boyfriend) is even unsure how to help me, and usually he knows how to cheer me up. But everything's been getting me down, and he's really worried about me.
This little rant (okay, this HUGE rant) has helped a little... I just don't know what to do anymore.
Okay, my rant is done. I'll shut up now o-x;
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Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 12:44 pm
 ♥Life's tough. I'm really sorry, Sagey. ._.
I've never been in that situation before, so I can't really help.
Wait for Sailor to get online, she always has really helpful advice. And maybe someone here who's been in a similar situation can also throw in a few helpful words.
And why is a thirty year old man living with his nineteen year old sister? And plays WoW all day? o_O;
He sounds like a ******** loser, to me.
If it's your house, kick him out.
And if he whines to your parents, explain your side of the story.
It's terrible you're being treated this way, and feeling depressed at the most joyful and merry time of the year.
If you need anything, you can PM me or even call if you need to. >w< Get a helmet.♥
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Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 12:52 pm
Grin Evilly ♥Life's tough. I'm really sorry, Sagey. ._.
I've never been in that situation before, so I can't really help.
Wait for Sailor to get online, she always has really helpful advice. And maybe someone here who's been in a similar situation can also throw in a few helpful words.
And why is a thirty year old man living with his nineteen year old sister? And plays WoW all day? o_O;
He sounds like a ******** loser, to me.
If it's your house, kick him out.
And if he whines to your parents, explain your side of the story.
It's terrible you're being treated this way, and feeling depressed at the most joyful and merry time of the year.
If you need anything, you can PM me or even call if you need to. >w< Get a helmet.♥
I appreciate the kindness ;-;
He is a ******** loser. But my mom and dad believe in "Family First", so whether I like it or not, he's staying here until he can get a place on his own again. But he's getting pretty damn comfortable here, and I don't like it =o=
And my parents claim that it is "my house", but when it comes to things like, I dunno, KICKING OUT MY BROTHER, they override me. And they hate dealing with him too! But they'd hate to see him out in the cold - -;
I'd love to call sometime, when my cold goes away >.<;
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Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 12:53 pm
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Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 12:58 pm
Asashina Grin Evilly ♥Life's tough. I'm really sorry, Sagey. ._.
I've never been in that situation before, so I can't really help.
Wait for Sailor to get online, she always has really helpful advice. And maybe someone here who's been in a similar situation can also throw in a few helpful words.
And why is a thirty year old man living with his nineteen year old sister? And plays WoW all day? o_O;
He sounds like a ******** loser, to me.
If it's your house, kick him out.
And if he whines to your parents, explain your side of the story.
It's terrible you're being treated this way, and feeling depressed at the most joyful and merry time of the year.
If you need anything, you can PM me or even call if you need to. >w< Get a helmet.♥
I appreciate the kindness ;-;
He is a ******** loser. But my mom and dad believe in "Family First", so whether I like it or not, he's staying here until he can get a place on his own again. But he's getting pretty damn comfortable here, and I don't like it =o=
And my parents claim that it is "my house", but when it comes to things like, I dunno, KICKING OUT MY BROTHER, they override me. And they hate dealing with him too! But they'd hate to see him out in the cold - -;
I'd love to call sometime, when my cold goes away >.<; Does he not have a job? D: If he actually worked, then at least you would have some alone time. But if he doesn't... >_> I would freakin' kill.
And that's your house, isn't it? Do you pay for it? And is the lease/rent/mortage under your name?
Then you can kick him about, and your parents can't really do much about it. If they don't want him out in the cold, then he should be in their house. Your parents are really kind for taking him in at his age. When I'm nineteen, I am out of my house for good.
And you are more than welcome to call. :3 Cold or not. Get a helmet.♥
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Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 1:12 pm
I don't know if it's even possible but If i were you I'd do what my father did. He wanted tog et away from his disfunctional family, so he joined the marine corps and moved away. You don't have to join the military, but maybe find a nice apartment a decent way away, with stuff that's in reasonably good shape, and leave it all behind. Sometimes it's all you can do. Stay within the area of those who actually give a crap about you, like your bf, and maybe your friend if she is? And listen to music! And if you need to, sometimes it's good to have a good cry. I hope this helped. Just hangi n there Sagey and just know that you are heard by those who are WORTH hearing you.
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Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 1:20 pm
Getting sick really sucks. It really, really does. It's unfortunate that you lost your job because of it, but you know what? That's not your fault. No one asks to be sick. You didn't knock the on the germs door and say, "Hi, can you please infect me? Thanks." Don't try to get a job so quickly if you don't feel well. It's possible that pushing yourself is just making a bad situation worse. The most important thing is for you to take care of yourself, first and foremost.
Seriously, your brother is thirty years old. I think it's time to have a long talk with your parents. Don't make it about you versus brother. Make it about the fact that he is thirty years old and does not have a stable job. Point out to your parents that you won't always be living in your house, and that what will happen when you're gone? Do they want him to be a leech on them for the rest of their lives? Pointing that out might make them see your side of view a little more.
For your brother, I say it's time to bring the threats out. If you're the one who pays the pills, threaten to stop paying internet or something like that unless he starts shaping up. If he whines to your parents, good for him. They can't force you to pay your bills; that's entirely on your shoulders.
For your friend, I strongly suggest you sit her down and point out that you're doing her a favor by allowing her to stay there. If she doesn't like it, then the door is always there for her to leave. I mean, if she's getting a free stay there, the least she can do is suck up some of the not so good points about the house. It sounds like someone is feeling a little spoiled.
Could you move out of that house? Is it really yours or is just under your parents name? If you can move out, by all means, do it. Even if it means moving in with your boyfriend or some other friends, I really think you should. Also, once you're out of the house, it will be easier to finish the grieving process for your grandmother.
Finally, Christmas is something that comes from the inside. The outside things can only do so much to effect your mood. I think you're much too stressed and irritated to even begin to think about the Christmas spirit. If you can't move out of the house, maybe you could hole up in a hotel for a week, or with your boyfriend, or somewhere where it can be less about everyone else and more about the most important person - you.
The bottom line is, and I know this will sound harsh, grow a backbone already! Stop letting people walk around all over you. I know it's just easier to let them, but there comes a point where enough is enough. You are now reaching that point. Stand up to your parents, no matter what it takes, don't back down. Either whip that loser into shape or kick him out on his a** - he'll never learn if he always has somewhere he can go where he can sit around all day and do nothing. Also, talk to your friends. They should be supporting you, not making it harder on you. It might cause conflict in the house, but you know what? It really sounds like you're ready for some.
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Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 1:38 pm
My brother doesn't have a job; Instead, he has a permanent disability thing he gets from Social Security. He claims to be mentally unstable and can't hold a job because of his mental disabilities, though I have yet to see any of these things he calls "mental disabilities".
The property's name is under my parent's, and I don't pay rent because I am in college. That was the deal. As long as I stayed in school, I wouldn't have to pay rent, though I do get my own food and any extra expenses I have to pay for. The internet is split between dad and I (using my spare college money in my savings to help pay for it until I can get another job), because my dad uses the internet as his business so he needs it (he fixes private doctor's computer systems with the programs he makes),and my brother is paying 200 bucks every 2 weeks to stay here, though my parents said it would only be for a month.
And it has been well over a month.
I know I need a backbone. I lost that when I went into my little depression when my grams died ><; And I will talk to my parents soon. I'll talk to them after Christmas, when things wind down.
Matt and I have been talking about moving out together, but we need to both save up more money first. But we can't exactly save up money when we're both college students x-x; But we're trying! It'll just take a little longer than planned. I've cut down on my classes so I don't spend as much on my college funds (I'm not full-time anymore, just part-time), and I'm getting another job soon so I can also put more money into getting an apartment to help pay for the down payment.
I guess I really am just stressed x-x; I've been trying to cheer up... I've been trying, honest!
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Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 1:41 pm
And to Grinny, and Volly, and the Mysterious Benefactor..
Thank you guys! I started crying ;-; I've been doing that alot lately.. But it really means alot to me T^T Thank you guys.. I don't know how I can ever repay you ;-;
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Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 1:56 pm
Asashina And to Grinny, and Volly, and the Mysterious Benefactor..
Thank you guys! I started crying ;-; I've been doing that alot lately.. But it really means alot to me T^T Thank you guys.. I don't know how I can ever repay you ;-; D:
*hug*
It's never a problem, Sagey.
And you don't have to repay us. >3<
That's what friends are there for. Get a helmet.♥
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Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 2:28 pm
Grin Evilly ♥Life's tough. D:
*hug*
It's never a problem, Sagey.
And you don't have to repay us. >3<
That's what friends are there for. Get a helmet.♥
<333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333456789
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Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 2:47 pm
I hope you feel better. Christmas is no time to be down in the dumps. xP
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Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 4:22 pm
Aw the benefactor came through after all! whee
And don't you worry about it. It's what we are here for, hun.
{This is one of Volly's nine mules.}
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Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 4:31 pm
Asashina Grin Evilly ♥Life's tough. D:
*hug*
It's never a problem, Sagey.
And you don't have to repay us. >3<
That's what friends are there for. Get a helmet.♥
<333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333456789 ^w^ <3~ Get a helmet.♥
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Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 4:38 pm
Captain Katinator I hope you feel better. Christmas is no time to be down in the dumps. xP
I'm trying! ;-;
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