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Hana Says:

Ok, let's start today with a moron I saw in Konohagakure as I was walking around, minding my own business. You know, the conventional kind. Brightly colored hair, PINK no less, gigantic black dress that seems to encompass all the functions of a normal dress EXCEPT what is most important, and high heeled lace up cork shoes. I socked her dagger jawed byakugan-swallowed face and she went down. You know why?

BECAUSE NINJA DON'T DRESS LIKE THAT!

Take a look at this. Just LOOK at it. Ignore the burning of your eyes and LOOK AT IT.




What the ******** is this!? What kind of horribly spliced genetic misshap causes THIS unfortunate smear of s**t on the evolutionary record! Your hair is a walking waterfall of neon for god's sake! SHAVE YOUR HEAD BEFORE THE REFLECTION OF STARLIGHT OFF YOUR HAIR BLINDS HALF OF THE FIRE COUNTRY! No wonder they got flattened by Iwa during the last war! They all had their eyeballs burned out by that monstrosity of puke-pink protien! I'm looking at your class photo, and my eyes are already starting to sting; then again, I can't exactly tell the difference between the instinctual watering from the after-glare and the tears of laughter from the knowledge that the moment you go out in battle, your head's going to get puctured with a kunai and your brains're going to splatter all over the trees because you're a ******** WALKING TARGET.

Not only that, it's long. REALLY long. I don't believe someone likes this fits into the idea that the longer one's hair, the better a fighter they are. It's an old idiom, and it makes sense. If you can't grab the hair in the first place, even with it long, you're so boned it isn't even funny. I could see that in certain cases, like the late Lady Kazan Mara's waist long blonde hair; considering she used almost nothing but Taijutsu, you've got to be a badass to get so close to the enemy and still utterly destroy them, or the long delicious locks of the famed ANBU Hunter-Nin Hyuuga Neji; whose far seeing eyes could see ANYONE coming it to grab him, and subsequently beat their asses into the ground, or in the pig-tails of the 5th Hokage Tsunade. Hell, the Lady Tsunade was so ******** awesome she could kick Sannin a** in heels (Sawa did the same, in multi-inch versions, and despite wearing absolutely nothing, remains a badass for that reason). But the aforementioned being that is God's version of the word 'Oops' is putting this fine ladies and gents under her foot and grinding their image to a fine powder! Cut your hair damn it, until you've EARNED the right to wear it long!

And those shoes. THE DAMN SHOES. I am WAITING for the day when half of Konoha's genin's ankles break in half because they went tree jumping in HIGH HEELS. Some people can pull this off only for balance sake, or sometimes the heels have a practical use, but those cork monstrosities are a huge risk! Putting safety aside for fashion's sake is a move that really shows just how imbred your fan-base-pairing-spawned parentage truely was! I don't care how many bows you're sporting. You'll be sporting a scalpless head if you don't get those damn shoes off. Perhaps they do have a use, and the only applicable reason I can think of for toddling around like a drunken tarantula walking on needles is that it puts the wearer back into the healthy weight bounds. Oh god, I can just see it!

"No muscle, no body fat, and your head is as thick as your waist? Hounded by your intelligent sensei because he said you're a danger to ninjas everywhere? Here is your solution, from MN Inc.! 20 pound Super Heels(c) Shoes! Instantly keeps those medical sick-bay orders away, and our special sole-tilt technology instantly keeps those troublesome thighs from touching each other! Only 49.99 and your dignity!"

Sheeeet... The water weight from those gigantic googly eyes must add some 'unf' to your weight too...

This is the sort of thing WRONG with the Fan-base of the Naruto, particularly with the GIRLS. All of them are Sakura clones, show-boating in gothic-lolita dresses that ANY ninja with a single limb to spare could grab and tear you back to earth with! This is not a problem only associated with Konoha. I'M LOOKING AT YOU, SUNA! I saw the googly-eyed jail-bait hanging around and eye-raping Ayashi while jiggling breasts that were larger then their rarely-used heads trying to get his attention. WHO CARES! You're a ninja. A NINJA. And what're you doing? Half-humping a guy who probably doesn't even have a sex drive, gazing fondly and wondering what your horrible little mutant hell-spawn will look like. Those little half-schemed thoughts won't help you when your target sees your lime green hair through the bushes and gouges out your eye with a rusty shuriken.

All of them pose the same way, with their hands under their chins, clasped in prayer in such a way to press their breasts together to make them pop out of their already skin tight dresses and gigantic adoring eyes staring blankly under almost non-existant eyebrows. He isn't god, stop adoring the guy! Instead of the Cult of the Virgin, it's the Cult of the Stereotypical Silent Hero! Ladies, Kurenai can pull off the tolet-paper look. YOU CAN'T. And that fact'll be brutally true when your head is crushed under a trap-log.

Don't think, guys, that you're immune to this either. One of my brothers DEAREST friends wears belts all over his coat. Trying to hold something back? Like your talent? How about immensely long black leather coats in the middle of the sweltering heat! While your hair usually doesn't come in rainbow flavors, your choices in clothing can be as bad, if not worse, then your female counterparts!

Take a look at this:



HOW THE HELL DO YOU MOVE IN THAT! I'm not one to usually argue for aerodynamics, but come on! He's going to blow back to Oz on a windy day! All the symbolism in the world isn't going to save you with your 'wings' get stuck on a tree branch and you get decapitated!


And guess what?

THIS IS COMMON PLACE.

No wonder everyone hates Naruto fans! Most of them are complete retards whose fan-characters masturbate over scribbled and lopsided pictures of Sasuke and Sakura! What is this; a desperate bid for attention?! Go outside once in a while! It gets rid of the rickets and the stains on your pants! Maybe, MAYBE, once you go outside, you'll encounter other human beings with other likes and hobbies. Maybe you'll learn to take critisism, and find new and wonderful anime to frolic an obsess over, like Berserk, or b*****d!, or Revolutionary Girl Utena, or Sgt. Frog, or any number of other things!

Ok, that's enough for today. I'm going to go dance in the mine-field to cool off. --;