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 Posted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 4:17 pm
This is just a random poem I wrote. Anyone have any suggestions on how I can make it better?
Steaming tears cascade
Over rosy cheeks,
That were waiting for kisses,
But greeted with
Pain.
Only time could heal
The wounds trailed
In a lovers heart,
Because the only true treatment
Is to be loved
By the who
Left.
But soon the heart
Will mend,
And the tears will dry,
But the scars
Will remain
As a reminder
That you were loved
And that love was
Lost.
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Posted: Sat Dec 29, 2007 6:42 pm
This kind of reminds me of New Moon, no offense. try to make it a little more descriptive and useing diferent words to make it flow better.
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Posted: Mon Dec 31, 2007 5:41 pm
It didn't really flow corectly. I think some words in it could deffinetly be changed. For example,
Only time could heal
The wounds trailed
In a lovers heart,
Because the only true treatment
Is to be loved
By the who
Left.
You could change this to, "By thoughs who left. " But the way you have it now doesn't flow corectly, because of a grammer mistake.
there are others to, mostly at the end of stanzes. I think if you deep working on this poem it could turn out really good! So i do hope you keep trying and get it really neat, then it will be a great poem! I hope that was helpful.
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