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 Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 9:48 pm
It's weird.
Before my life seemed to revolve around this place.
Now look.
I'm never on.
When I am I lurk for about five minutes and scat.
Or I leave a little tidbit about how life goes.
We never talk.
We seem like those distant relatives you know are there but never talk to.
Or that distant memory.
It's really weird.
I miss people.
But I don't seem to every make a good effort to get online.
I feel like I've let our friendship slip a lot.
Almost like it's not there anymore.
Call me crazy but it feels like we're aquatinces.
I spelled that wrong...
But I'm so lazy I'm not fixing it.
I just got back from work.
I'm tired.
I was laying on my couch.
Watching TV by myself.
-I'm always home alone here.
My boyfriend usually leaves after work.-
And I got bored with TV.
I got up and dragged myself to the computer.
It took me a minute to even do anything with it.
Don't get me wrong.
It's not like I don't enjoy talking to you.
I do.
That's why I miss you.
But jeez.
We don't talk.
And if we do it's two or three words here and there.
My intention of getting online was to do last minute Christmas shopping.
Basically all of my shopping.
Waitressing has brought in much dough recently.
Kinda sucks.
But what can you do?
Nothing.
Well...
I don't have anything else to say.
I'm out of the loop on inside jokes and gaia-ness.
Another reason why I think I keep my distance.
Alas, I'm going to go eat my leftover Chinese food and shop.
And maybe lurk around a bit more.
<3
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Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 11:14 pm
It just happens. It's like a favorite food. You can be eating it over and over and then just get sick of it.
Really bad comparison but the best I could come up with in a few seconds. xD
I had this one friend Andy online. We were really good friends. Until one day, he just began annoying me so badly. I could not stand him anymore. We got along so well and then it just changed.
I guess life just changes.
*overly long for such a simple point*
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Posted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 12:40 am
Even though we do not talk often, we are still good friends.
I actually have a lot of online friends that I used to be very close with, and eventually, ended up not talking to very often, if at all, without any memory of a rift or reason for being cut off like I feel we are at this present moment. Hell, I've got former internet mates I don't speak to any more for really no reason, too.
But it happens in real life, too, you know?
You've gone to elementary, junior high school with a lot of kids you'll see wandering the halls in your senior year of high school. You remember so many things about them. All these little things that matter and don't at the same time.
In fact, last night I went to a play at my [old] high school, and almost everyone I knew in the play was in senior year, and I'd been close with these people in junior high. I'd spent lunch hours with them, and run around in the rain with them, and cried in front of them. And yet? And yet, still, we make eye contact as we pass each other after the show, and do not even nod a hello. We say nothing to each other. I sometimes wish I could hug these people. Could even, just, say ******** hello.
But I can't.
And I don't know why.
It is like an unspoken vow to cut away from the old to make way for the new. It is a nearly painless experience, although it is easy to miss what was once familiar. Like trying to get rid of a boy band poster you've had since you were ten, or a ratty blanket from your infancy. You wish you felt the same about it as you did when you were at the pinnacle of your relationship with it.
I cannot figure out how to console, or wrap-up with this point. All I can say is that it is natural. It is natural to miss and long for the old, and it is natural to feel lost without what once was most comforting.
But yes, of course we are all still friends. : ]
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Posted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 7:58 am
I know what you mean
And I hate it D:
Half of me thinks "GET THE ******** OVER IT, s**t HAPPENS"
But I don't want to get over it ]:
There are a ton of people in this guild I talked to every day for a while
And then it was a few times a week
then once a week
then once a month
Then hardly ever
Like Kai said, it happens irl
I don't like it then, either xD
I guess I'm a bit clingy
I dunno, I'd really like to fix stuff with people and be close again, irl and gaia, but sometimes I don't think it can happen ]:
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Posted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 8:29 am
<3
I love the fact you still think we're friends.
I just wish we'd talk more.
I feel like a let you guys down in that area.
I should have gotten on and talked more.
That's my fault.
I'm sorry.
I hope something changes before we stop talking all together.
Some people in this guild I have stopped talking to all together.
And it makes me wonder why.
We were all such good friends...
<3
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Posted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 11:44 am
Well... at least we never talked that much to begin with.
That way, if everything does go pear-shaped, that's one less person you'll have to worry about, ya know?
Don't get me wrong, though. Pear-shaped isn't fun unless you're a pear to begin with. I just look at things in the least hurtful way possible. It's easier to lose touch with an acquaintance (i.e. me) than it is a good friend.
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Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 1:00 pm
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Posted: Fri Dec 14, 2007 7:57 am
Yeah but it still sucks not talking to you.
I miss you.
I guess like Scoobeh I'm too clingy.
Oh well.
I need to get on more and talk to you guys before I stop talking to you all together.
But it probably won't help.
We're really far apart as is.
I have no idea what's going on in your life.
And you have no idea about my life.
We've all changed a lot.
It's like we can't catch up.
Maybe it's better off to let it fall apart.
Than to try to hold it together.
The propostion for a call is nice.
But would it help?
What would we talk about?
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Posted: Sun Dec 16, 2007 8:22 am
I'm sorry Katt.
I hope you know that.
I really wanted to.
But I couldn't find the time.
I'm sorry I seem to make up so many excuses.
<3
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Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 3:44 pm
Yeah, I haven't been the most active either.
The truth is, though, I've been recoiling from a lot of my close internet friends lately. And trying a little bit harder on my real life friends, because those have slipped away from me in the past few years. I don't want to be in a college where all of my friends are 4 states away.
Also, I'm under the impression that a lot of people in the guild are sick of me. D:
So it's good that I'm not on much, 'cause they can't plot to assassinate me.
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Posted: Sat Dec 22, 2007 6:55 am
I'm not sick of you, KC D:
And Noro, for me at least, it just means a lot that you're actually trying to not disappear :3
No one's going to attack you if you're busy, we just miss you D:
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Posted: Sat Dec 22, 2007 10:27 am
KC I'm not sick of you either!
<33
Scoobeh, I'm really glad that you care that I'm trying.
I wish I could try more.
Senior year just sucks.
<3
I miss everybody a lot.
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