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 Posted: Fri Nov 30, 2007 11:00 am
I have been having an emotional dilemma going on in my head for a while now. I am currently serving in the military. I am also gay and a practicing buddhist.
With that background here is the issue which might come obvious to some.
In the military, you are not allowed to be gay. "Don't ask, don't tell." Is the policy. That means if you are gay, you are to lie about it. Not lie though since no one is supposed to ask, but it is obvious that the people who are in the military and are attracted to the same sex are not being truthful. Bein truthful is a buddhist teaching.
I feel like I am in a uncomfortable position at the very least. I want to be truthful, but I don't want to break the law.
stressed
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Posted: Fri Nov 30, 2007 1:34 pm
There are two issues at work here. (I'll get to the Buddhism part later). The first is: How long do you plan on spending in the military? Is it a short enough time that you could, reasonably, keep your sexuality a secret? Without great emotional disturbance and etc., I mean. If not, that ends the question right there.
The second issue is, if you can keep it a secret, would it be right or moral? You are violating no great Truth in not telling people; you are certainly not violating a Truth if you decide not to act on sexual urges. But once someone asks, and you lie about it, it is a violation.
This is not semantics. You are not required to go out and tell everyone every little detail about yourself. Being truthful (with a lower-case 't') is about not lying when answering a question, or giving false or misleading information. That doesn't mean anything about the information you don't give.
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Posted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 11:18 am
If the policy is "don't ask, don't tell" then simply don't tell. They can't ask you so long as you don't say anything you don't have to lie.
And on a unrelated note, as a gay male I must say that I find buddhist men hot, and military men hot, so your totally hot.
whee
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Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 7:49 am
The situation you are in isn't an easy one, as I'm sure that you don't have to say the words "I am gay" in order for others to be able to figure it out - there are other questions they can ask which seem harmless. Questions relating to wives, girlfriends, female celebrities, et cetera. All of these lines of questioning do not even touch the gay subject, but can be used to infer it.
Not lying is a difficult thing to do, but sometimes it cannot be avoided. I am not always creative enough to tell the truth in a way that will not harm someone, and simply avoiding a question or changing the subject or giving a cryptic response doesn't help matters.
I don't care to advertise to the world that I'm gay. It's not that I'm in the closet or ashamed of it, I just don't see how it's anyone's business. So when someone asks me if I have a girlfriend my typical response is: "No, I don't have the time or the energy for a relationship at this point in my life. I'm too focused on other things."
This is truthful, it doesn't avoid the question, but it doesn't reveal my preferences.
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Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 8:15 am
i do find what nirvhara is saying to be rather insightful and i agree.
however, some one is bound to be suspicious of you, and will ask the subversive questions to dig the Truth out of you. in that instance, i would reccomend no response.
from what i remember a follower of Sakyamuni Buddha praised buddha because he was an excellent conversationalist and debater, if anyone was to try to trick or manipulate the conversation to dig out what ever it is they wanted him to say. he would remain silent. of course this has its consequences, suspicion will grow, or it will offend the curious individual. i would reccomend it only as a last resort.
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Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 11:28 am
It isn't their business to ask you, so you have a right to not answer.
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