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Ventilation:Retaliation:Relization

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Could you relate?
  I didn't quite understand this poem
  I loved it I can totally relate
  No I guess not
  Sometimes I feel that way
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holdingon95

PostPosted: Tue Nov 27, 2007 5:08 pm


I am almost six feet tall
And I'm told I'm prettier than all
But too bad that doesn't count for my face
I sit with no one at lunch
And my hair always makes a crunch
I guess it'll never stay I've gotten used to it
And after all this time
And after all these ryhmes
I still have something to whine about
In my years I've seen some stuff that really makes me seem tough
But really it makes it all worse
Because with every verse
Every new coach purse seems fake
And I know that no one has it all
And I know that they'll work at the mall
In one my stores
With every pep talk with every lecture
It makes me angry to say
That even though thats what they're destined to be
Even though they'll be working for me
I'll be alone again
No friend, just help
I'll sit alone again, unless I pay someone
Like Superman I have a plan but kryptonite blocks my way
They're like kryptonite that I'll pay
PostPosted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 4:46 pm


holdingon95
I am almost six feet tall
And I'm told I'm prettier than all,
But too bad that doesn't count for my face.
I sit with no one at lunch,
And my hair always makes a crunch.
I guess I'll never say I've gotten used to it.
And after all this time,
And after all these ryhmes,
I still have something to whine about.
In my years I've seen some stuff
That really makes me seem tough.
But really it makes it all worse,
Because with every verse,
Every new coach purse seems fake.
And I know that no one has it all,
And I know that they'll work at the mall
In one my stores.

Below here, the rhyme scheme is kind of out of wack. You might want to fix that, too.

With every pep talk, with every lecture,
It makes me angry to say
That even though thats what they're destined to be,
Even though they'll be working for me,
I'll be alone again.
No friend, just help.
I'll sit alone again, unless I pay someone.
Like Superman, I have a plan, but kryptonite blocks my way.
They're like kryptonite that I'll pay.


I like this poem, but you have a few puncuation errors that I pointed out. This poem is very interesting, although I don't think I could relate. sweatdrop

And these are just my suggestions, you don't have to change anything if you don't want to.

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