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 Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 12:41 pm
[Warning: kind of emo]
So, I don't feel well.
At all.
And what I mean by not feeling well, I haven't been in a good mood these days.
Where should I start? Well...
Do you ever get the feeling you're unwanted, or that you're a nuisance? That people would be better off without you?
That's how I feel nowadays. I keep thinking that maybe, I get in the way of things. I keep thinking about times where people told me that I was being unhelpful, or something, or just being a nuisance. Heck, I never really help others out as much as I should. I say the wrong things. I forget simple things, which I shouldn't forget. I have "slight" anger issues. I'm whiny. And, I admit it, I'm kind of an idiot.
How many people would put up with those traits? Really? Sure, some people could put up with it, but not most people.
And, before you ask. Yes, I do seriously think of myself that way. I'm not trying to attention whore, be emo on purpose, or anything. I seriously don't like myself a good portion of the time. Sure, sometimes my ego inflates, and I feel like a million bucks, but I still feel this way a lot.
I kind of feel this with the GCSG, as well. A lot of you are doing things to make things better, and I'm off doing... whatever. Heck, part of the reason why I applied for GM was for this. I kind of didn't want to be just a girl who ran around stabbing things. I wanted to be helpful.
I admit it, I'm a goody-two shoes. I've almost always been, my whole life. But, I think I need to speak up sometimes. And, I tend to think that not interfering with things will stop them from getting worse. I'm learning that sometimes, this is wrong.
The point of this thread? I want to apologize. I know a lot of you think I'm weird, or likewise. Heck, some of you could possibly hate me. No particular event happened to make me feel this way, at any point, I just instinctively know, or at least feel. Sometime tells me that at least one person hates my guts (no particular person, just a person in general; online or off, it feels the same).
So, I'm sorry that you guys had to put up with me for over a year, and most likely, a while longer. I really don't want sympathy or the like. Nor do I want you to say "Yeah, we all hate you", even if it's true. I just want you guys to accept my apology. I'm sorry for my eccentricities, anything from the slightly gruesome subjects that come out of my mouth/fingers, to one of my little habits that I don't know about yet. I'm sorry I'm so whiny. I just generally apologize for anything you don't/didn't like. I'm just sorry. I would say this to offline people if I could, but it isn't like I could.
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Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 1:27 pm
»»»Pixie«««
I used to not like you because I'm a douche, but now I L YOU SO MUCH. You're so cute and sweet and I'm so used to having you around. Everyone likes you <3
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Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 1:48 pm
Aine, you don't need to apologize.. you've done nothing wrong. o_o;;
You're one of us.
Plus everyone here has their own weird little quirks, it's what makes a person unique.
We love you. LIKE UBERLY MUCH SO. <33333333333333333
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Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 2:00 pm
Your apology doesnt apply to me because you've never annoyed me D: Not even WAAY back when, when my Siamese was against you. I even liked you back then, even though I could see why you would think I didnt.
You've done more then other people for the guild. I mean everyone does things for the guild, without even realizing it. Just posting adds to the guild and makes it a better place. And then besides just being you, you were GM. So you've done a TON for this guild, even if you cant see it.
And trust me, you're not the only one who doesnt speak up. Some people dont know when to shut up. Some dont know when it speak up. Pretty much no one is in the middle.
And feeling that someone hates you...well everyone has someone who hates them. I know plenty of people hate me. But I dont care because they fail if they hate me <3 And anyone who hates you fails as well.
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Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 2:34 pm
Aw, Aine. Ezzy never had anything against you. You're just a little weird, like everyone else here. ^_^ heart We all love j00.
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Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 3:27 pm
I don't know how it feels to have somebody hate you. Because nobody ACTUALLY hates me, so I can't know the feeling.
PLUS when somebody takes the time to hate you, then it means they care... just so you know.
I mean I remember that one time when Dukes said he hated me and I flipped out a little bit, and wasn't able to sleep that well... But that's a COMPLETELY different story. talk2hand
I'll admit that sometimes I don't read your posts because you start stabbing people. I mean, don't stop doing that, because it's what you do, and I'll be all "OMG AINE YOU SUCK BECAUSE THERE IS NO MORE STABBY TIME!!! YOU ARE SO LAME!!!"
I remember when I thought everyone disliked me, because I decided to be a jerk like a little bit ago, and felt like all my posts were being ignored. But I was just persistent... and now I'm back to the same level of indifference.
BASICALLY, what I'm trying to say is that people will "hate" you, all you have to do is realize they REALLY don't, and then move on with your fabulousness. And maybe buy some sexy clothes... that accent the best parts of you... I have 5 pairs of pants that make my a** look hot... Just for when I feel a little down. cool
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Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 3:55 pm
Aine, I never had anything against you even when I was all "lol, Loinface >.>"
Seriously, people are being paranoid... pretty much everyone in the GCSG is cool with me, unless I've like yelled at you before and not for fun (well, it's fun regardless). OH, and Doox. Doox I hate a problem with 'cause he's all emo and "lol, I'm here... BUT SWOOSH NOW I'M GONE... back again" and he's always being a n00b and thinking he's smart when he's just old. TRUE STORY.
ANYWAY yeah I don't think anyone hates you... I mean, even when I was in that one chat where Buzz and I were all "NAME EVERYBODY YOU HATE!" which that jackass Handgrenade no one named you... EW, Handgrenade... whoever owns that mule should leave. FOREVAR D:<
SO YEAH. You don't suck as much as most people
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Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 9:16 pm
`Aine, I'm not gonna tread lightly around this one...
1. You are not a nuisance, unwanted, and we most certainly would NOT be better off without you. We love you here, we want you to stay, and you do make this community a better place. Period. ^_^
2. We do NOT hate you, and if someone does, then they are in the wrong, not you. You've done nothing wrong, nothing hateful, nothing spiteful, nothing that would warrant even a dislike of you, let alone hatred.
3. Don't you think of "leaving"... in spite of what you may think, we are very glad to have you here. What you might see as you being a "nuisance" we see as a sweet part of a kind girl.
But logically, you probably know most, if not all of this. Rather, this is something heavily emotional, and it really sounds like you're depressed. So, I want you to know that we do love you here (didn't I say that before? ^_^) and we want you to be happy.
In essence, your train of thought is wrong; you're wanted, loved, and helpful and you think otherwise. Thus, you need to realize this... that everything about you really is ok. And if this isn't something that you can't quite do on your own, then you REALLY need to talk to someone... I mean, yes, we here will try to care for you the best we can, but it may be best if you talked with someone IRL. An adult you trust... a parent, a guidance counselor... someone.
Please... we love you and don't want to see you hurting...
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Posted: Tue Nov 27, 2007 5:30 pm
I will sum up my response into one best sentence for this ever.
We love you, you are not hated or a nuisance, and if you leave, we'll drag your corpse back here if we have to. <3
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Posted: Tue Nov 27, 2007 6:34 pm
You're not the only one who's felt/feels like that. I've felt like that a lot before, so have a lot of others even others in this guild. But no one hates you. D<
We love you, you're fun to have around and it would be weird not to see stabby time or hidden cameras from you anymore.
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Posted: Tue Nov 27, 2007 7:29 pm
In addition 3ori's statement-- If you died, I'd totally go necrophiliac just for you. <3333
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Posted: Wed Nov 28, 2007 3:24 pm
I should reply...
Well, I'm not actually leaving Gaia, the guild, or otherwise. I thought about leaving Gaia a while back, but decided to stick around, but go on hiatus for the week.
Sib, you're sort of right about my depression, to be honest. I've had some symptoms since the 5th grade. However, we did seek help for it at one point, but the person we went to said that it was just my hormones acting up, and that I was perfectly normal, despite the fact that I didn't feel good most of the time, and I told her at one point that I kind of was thinking about... you know (only during this time period, though). I kind of have up and down periods, though. I could go from being extremely depressed to being extremely happy and back again, sometimes in the same week, or even day (to an extent where it makes no sense, even to me). No one really knows why I have such strange mood swings. But, maybe I should get that checked out, even if the first person who we went to said it was hormones. The only problem is that my mom is a person who seems to think that you can't have mental issues, emotional issues, or something that you need to get your head checked for (quote: "Why do we need to label?"), though she did send me to a councilor, and it would be hard to convince her. XD
Buzz, I kind of just get this feeling that I'm a bit of a pest, both online and off, with no particular event that triggered it. And, sometimes, I feel that people may be hiding it. Though, it could be my own delusions/paranoia. But, that's a good point, now that I think of it because if they take their time hating you, then they do care, despite the fact that it's hate.
Nymphie, I kind of instinctively know I've done a lot for the guild. However, the problem is that I feel that I don't do enough. I mean, you, Meru, and a whole bunch of people do a lot more, while half the time I'm off doing my own thing. Though, I have done quite a bit. I mean, I created Gamemaster, hosted Game 15, and, well, pretty much created a meme of sorts known to GCSGers. But, as I said, I'm a bit of a goody-two shoes; I feel the need to be as nice as possible, and help out more than I do. So, I guess the feeling that I don't do enough comes from that, and the fact that I'm a bit of a perfectionist, and will kind of beat myself up mentally if I do the slightest thing wrong. However, I have ideas about things, but never post them, for fear that drama might start up. Again, my goody shoes-ness. Heck, I will rarely post in drama infested threads for the same reason, even if said thread can change the course of the guild. I usually cower in fear. However, some might call this a good trait. XD
And, Ret... *blush* xd
Well, thanks for hearing me out. I just kind of wanted to apologize for my faults. I mean, I kind of felt like I needed to, even if I've done nothing wrong than just be Aine, and even if no one thinks I need to apologize. XD
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IntermittentShiningLights
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Posted: Wed Nov 28, 2007 3:52 pm
Aine, you have done no wrong. Honestly, I understand what your feeling. I have a tendency to have random mood swings where I'm totally happy cheerful and off the walls hyper to being depressed and feeling like I should cut myself. I've decided not to go for help as I know I could never drag myself into suicide, as I have much to live for. xD <3 Anyway, what I'm getting at, is that we, the guild, love you and your quirky Aine-pie goodness. And trust me, I've done less around the guild than you. xD
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