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 Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 7:05 pm
(Yes, I dare to title it that, and you guessed it, this is meant to be humor. It's also not going to use all words, per se. This may be different than what you're used to, and I hope it's okay to use the pics I've selected via Google. If anyone feels it's a bad idea to keep this here, I'll have it removed. Updates may be sporadic; humor value may vary. Now then...)  --Death Star, Endor airspace, 10:35 AM November 23, 2007-- Darth Vader: Is everything ready? Rear Admiral Cardgame: Yes, sir. The Death Star is at last fully operational. Darth Vader: Excellent. The Rebels have destroyed our previous two Death Stars, but I have a plan to stop them from destroying the third. As Earth is responsible for the making of the Star Wars movies, we must destroy Earth before they catch wind of our plans and recreate the Rebels, thus annihilating our asses again. Rear Admiral Cardgame: With all due respect, milord, the original Star Wars cast is likely very old by now and wouldn't be much of-- Darth Vader: It doesn't matter! They could give the Ewoks the technology to defeat us if they wanted to! And God knows we don't want that... now, continue your course for Earth! --The Death Star begins its course...-- --For EARTH.-- --Now, all that stands in the way of Darth Vader and the Earth is a motley band...-- --A band of...-- --MERCENARIES.-- (Updates may be sporadic. Funniness may go down as well as up. This is not the stock market.) (Because apparently img tags per post are limited...) --Docking bay 7, Death Star, Endor airspace, 10:52 AM November 23, 2007-- Ike: Dumbass to Black Mage. Dumbass to Black Mage. Come in, Black Mage. Over. *Kzzt* Soren: ...? Ike: Dumbass to Black Mage! Where are you, Black Mage? Over. *Kzzt* Soren: Um, Ike? Why are you-- Ike: Soren, how many times do I have to tell you? We're using codenames here! Yours is "Black Mage", remember? Soren: But I'm standing right here. In fact, we're ALL standing right here. You don't need to use codenames. Ike: Oh, really? ...Yeah, you're right. Oh, well. Okay, Greil's Mercenaries, get ready... to rock, rock on!! (Comments on its awesomeness or lack thereof? Also, if you've got pics of FE: PoR characters I could use and you can give me permission, or if you've at least got a good link to one via Google, please let me know! The small one was the best I could find of Soren, who will likely be known henceforth as "shorty"!)
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Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 10:03 am
(Nobody yet? Well, I'll keep trying, but...) --Death Star Command Center, Earth Airspace, 11:12 AM November 23, 2007-- ...Wait a minute. --The REAL Death Star Command Center, Earth Airspace, 11:12 AM November 23, 2007-- Rear Admiral Cardgame: We're in orbit over Earth, sir. Darth Vader: Excellent. Now we watch as the Earth bastes in its own juices, much like a Thanksgiving turkey. Give the order to fire in 5... 4... 3... 2... Ike: Not so fast, Darth Vader! This turkey's going back in the oven! Darth Vader: OMG, Greil's Mercenaries! Rear Admiral Cardgame: Impossible! How did a bunch of Fire Emblem characters, with NO KNOWLEDGE whatsoever of space travel, find their way aboard the Death Star, which is out in space? Ike: Simple! We... well... um... Rear Admiral Cardgame: Hah! You fools! I only posed that question to delay you long enough for reinforcements to arrive. Stormtroopers! Get them!! Stormtroopers: Liek ROFL! Pwn teh M3rcs! 1! 1!! Sheriff McStormtrooper: Now ya'll 're gonna git it... hey, where's Lefty? Lefty: *Sigh* Every time we're called into battle, and where am I...? Ike: Blast... Greil's Mercenaries, prepare to fight!
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Posted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 11:32 pm
(Bah... I will still continue!) Mia: Oh no! What happened to my legs!? They're gone! Oh, well. *Charges into the stormtroopers.* Stormtroopers: Liek AHHHHH!! Rhys: Um... er... but I can't fight! I'm a priest! Stormtroopers: Liek onoez diplomatic immunitee! Spam shift!! *Flee.*
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Posted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 11:34 pm
Ike: Give it up, Vader! You've lost! Darth Vader: I don't think so. You see, I had thought this might happen... Rear Admiral Cardgame: You did? Vader: Didn't you? Cardgame: No. I really had no idea how the hell Fire Emblem characters got into space, let alone boarded the Death Star and got all the way up here without being detected. Vader: Hmm, fair comment. But in any case, Greil's Mercenaries, I have a SPECIAL surprise for you... *Dun dun dun...* Ike: ...Hey, shorty--Soren! Who is that!? Shinon: Idiot! That's Commander Greil! ...Somehow... well, if it's the REAL Greil, we're screwed! Gatrie: Woohoo! Shinon: ...No, Gatrie. Not that kind of screwed. Gatrie: Awww... (Who is this mysterious "Greil"? Is he truly the "real" Greil that Greil's Mercenaries are talking about? And if so, what have they to fear from him? What can his measly picture size do to them? Can Greil's Mercenaries squash this bug of an axe-wielder? ...Or does Vader have men of more than SHORT stature!? Find out next time in the next installment of Greil's Mercenaries!)
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Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 4:09 pm
[[Sir Kent hereby makes his comment declaring how amazingly awesome this story is. *Insert Amazingly Awesome Comment Here*]]
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Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 4:13 pm
XDD Please countinue this!
It's hilarous and amazingly interactive!
Five stars/smiles of amazinginess.
mrgreen mrgreen mrgreen mrgreen mrgreen
(( Side note.. Try to get Titania or Nasir in it, just for my own assument, if you please.. XD Oh, and if you need pics and stuff try Serenes or even Fe planet))
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Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 9:11 pm
(I did find some pics on FE planet, but they were too big to use... And on a side note, I have yet to use Titania. Or Rolf. Or Mist. Or "Despicable, lying, SQUINTY coward!!".) Ike: Father or not, we must stop Vader! Greil's Mercenaries... ATTACK!!! Titania: You insult the honor of Commander Greil! DIE, SHRIMP! *Whips at him with her long braid* Mist: La la laaa!! *Super high annoying voice attack!* Boyd: Ah ha! I, Boyd, the awesomest and shortest of the Boyd Bros., makes his debut! *Chucks his mighty axe, the Rolf Nuke, at Greil* Evil Greil: *Absorbs all the attacks and lets out a TINY puff of air.* Greil's Mercenaries: Arrrrgh...!!
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Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 9:20 pm
Rear Admiral Cardgame: Whoa... are they dead? Did we win? Vader: It... appears so. Cardgame: Dude! Evil freaking won! That's awesome! Ike: *Cough* Not... so fast... Stormtroopers: Liek =O! OMG! Cardgame: But... you were caught in a nuclear explosion. How did you survive a nuclear explosion? Ike: That's why we have Kieran! Kieran: That's right! The great knight Kieran has so many axes in his body that he's a walking lead shield! (...Yes, I'm aware there are no lead axes in Fire Emblem. So sue me. But do you REALLY want to try suing? Hm? Do you...?)
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Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2007 12:49 pm
Titania: Ike! We don't stand a chance against Gr--that THING! Ike: I don't understand it! Father died. So how...? Titania: Don't worry about that now! We have to get out of here! Ike: But what about the Death Star!? Soren: Ike, look! We managed to block the nuclear explosion using Kieran as a lead shield, but it didn't just affect us! Stormtroopers: Liek onoez teh flamezorz! Shift! Vader: Aw, hell. This is going to take at least a week to fix! Ike: Okay, everyone, listen! We have to get out of here! *Turns on his radio* Dumbass to Nickelodeon! Dumbass to Nickelodeon! Get us back here now! *Back at Crimea Castle...* Elincia: Copy that, Dumbass. Soldiers! Activate the teleportation beam! Energize! Generic Crimean Soldier: Yes, ma'am! Beaming them up! *Back to the Death Star...* Vader: Eh well, it's not like anyone else will come attacking us anytime soon... Greil! Finish th--where'd they go? Rear Admiral Cardgame: They teleported away, sir. That might explain how they got aboard in the first place. Vader: Crimea can use teleportation? But how? Cardgame: According to recent reports, milord, some ship called the S.S. Enterprise crashlanded on Tellius nearly three weeks ago. Vader: Ah, of course. Aliens gave them the technology. Well, then... repair the damages! Though it will take a week, Greil's Mercenaries will NEVER defeat Sir Greil. And then we will blow up Earth! Mwahahahaha! Cardgame: Hahahahaha! Vader: NYAHAHAHAHA! Cardgame: TEEHEEHEEHEEHEE...!! Vader: (Whoa... evil laughter is one thing, but evil giggles...? In any case, Greil's Mercenaries, it is over. Give up now while you still can...)
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Posted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 3:34 pm
(( XD Titania... Does this mean there will be an epsiode two now?
Oh, and love the switch to Crimean castle.. XDDDD))
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Posted: Thu Dec 13, 2007 11:32 am
--Crimea Castle, Tellius Airspace, 1:32 PM November 23, 2007-- Ike: Gasp... pant... sounds of heavy breathing... Oscar: We-we're still alive... Kieran: No thanks to you for not appearing until now, you despicable, lying, SQUINTY coward!! Oscar: Oh, not again... Kieran: And have you ever noticed who else squints like that!? *Holds up a picture* Oscar: WHERE DID YOU GET THA-- *Ahem* Um, I mean... Kieran, you have no proof that I am in any way Gin Ichimaru. Ike: Not now, you two. Oscar: (Phew! That was close...) Elincia: My lord Ike! What happened? Is the Death Star destroyed? Soren: Alas, no. Just as we were about to defeat Darth Vader, he summoned someone who singlehandedly defeated us. It looked like... Commander Greil... Titania: It can't have been him! It just can't! Elincia: Sir Greil...? You mean your father, who was killed by the Black Knight? Ike: Yes. And now, I'll never be better than him. Ever. Not in a million years. Elincia: ...This bodes ill. For anyone to have singlehandedly defeated Greil's Mercenaries... but to do that, you'd have to have the power of... perhaps it is... or maybe... Shinon: Look, sorry to interrupt your mumbling, but mind filling us in? Elincia: ...There's only one thing to do right now. We must consult the greatest scientific minds in the universe!
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Posted: Thu Dec 13, 2007 11:54 am
--Lincoln Financial Field, Philadelphia, Earth Airspace, 3:36 PM November 23, 2007-- Donovan McNabb: And that's why the final digit of pi is none other than 5. Now... David Akers: Sir! Incoming on the teleportation beam! Energizing now! McNabb: ...Ah, Queen Elincia of Crimea! What brings you here! Elincia: My lord McNabb of the... Mia: Wait a second. We're placing the fate of the galaxy in the hands of a FOOTBALL team that loses every Sunday? McNabb: Sometimes, we must lose games for the fate of the universe. Whenever it must be done, we leave our clones in charge in order to go save life as we know it. Mia: But what about times when you DO win!? I could play better football than you guys! McNabb: You could indeed play decent football, young Swordmistress. However, if we were to play using the full extent of our powers, the score would be 43,896,742,359,843-0 before you could even blink your eyes. Mia: Liar! I challenge you to a one-on-one football duel! McNabb: *Sigh* Very well. Let's go. *Mia and Donovan McNabb go off to play football against each other.* Akers: While McNabb goes to show Mia the error of her ways, what did you wish to ask of us? Elincia: It all started when Greil's Mercenaries began their attack on the Death Star... *This episode was brought-to-you'd by Chocobo's: Mmmm...! Tasty!* Akers: Sir Greil, back from the dead and on the side of evil? Hmm... I suspect the T-virus or perhaps the Las Plagas are at work here. What say you to this, Brian Westbrook? Brian Westbrook: No, neither one is likely. If Greil were a zombie, then logically speaking, there should be more zombies aboard. And unless they have Osmund Saddler on their side, they don't have the Plagas using Greil. The only logical solution, therefore, is that they pulled another Greil from an alternate universe. Rhys: *Gasp!* Gatrie: *Gasp!* Mia: *Comes back in* *Gasp* *Pant* I... before I could even blink my eyes... 43,896,742,359,843... to 0... *Collapses*
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Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 12:00 pm
Ike: Mia! Quit lollygagging on the ground! ...Alternate universe? Westbrook: Yes. As you know, we exist in this universe. But has it ever occurred to you that somewhere out there in the vastness of space, there might be another you? Except that he speaks Spanish? Ike: Why... yes. Yes, the thought had occurred to me very often, indeed. Westbrook: Good, so you won't think you've gone crazy when we show you this. Active alternate universe warp! *As the warp activates, we see in the other universe...* Alternate universe Ike: Um... hola! Me llamo Ike! Our Ike: Um... hi! My name is Ike! *The rift closes.* Westbrook: And that is but one of the infinite alternate universes. My guess is that Vader somehow lured Greil into this universe. An evil Greil. Ike: Fudge. If that's the case, we're already screwed. Boyd: Ike, don't give up! Remember Dwarven Vow #7: "Justice and Boyd will always win!" Genis Sage: Um, isn't that supposed to be... TIE fighter pilots: Liek ROFL! Pwn t3h 3@gl3s! 1! *Laser fire!* Gatrie: Ike! We've got trouble! Vader's sent TIE fighters after us! McNabb: Damn! Vader WOULD attack during the changing of the guard... Ike, can you and your mercenaries hold off those TIE fighters for five minutes until we can activate the anti-air defenses? Ike: This stadium has anti-air defenses? ...Okay, whatever. Get everyone inside! They're no different from wyvern riders: Just bring 'em down!
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Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 5:28 pm
{[ --:-- ]}
IF THIS WERE TO BECOME A SHOW, I'D PROBABLY LOVE IT MORE THAN BOBO-BO.
And I loved that show like crazy.
{[ --:-- ]}
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Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 10:39 am
Ike: Shinon, quick! Shoot 'em down! Shinon: What are you, stupid? They're fliers, sure, but they're made of metal, not flesh and bone! "Oh sure, let's just shoot arrows at the TIE fighters and hope they blow up!" Yeah, I'm totally sure that'll-- Rolf's floating head: Uh, die! *Shoots an arrow at a TIE fighter* TIE fighter pilot: AAAAAAGGGGHHH!!! *Dies* Shinon: ...Meh, whatever. *Shoots a TIE fighter* TIE pilot: Onoez! *Explodes* Soren: They've got to be weak against wind magic! *Casts Elwind* Remaining TIE fighters: ACK! *Massive explosion* Ike: Huh. Well, that was easy. Krystal: Ah, the things I'll do for gold... DIE, GREIL'S JERKCENARIES!! Ike: *Sniff* That was uncalled for, you big meanie! *Runs off crying* Rhys: Shoot! What do we do? Rolf's head: Take this! *Shoots an arrow at Krystal's Arwing* Krystal: *c***k* Hah! I have a Full Guard! Your arrows deal no bonus damage to me! Take this! *Fires lasers* Shinon: Gatrie, quick! Use provoke! Gatrie: Uh... yo momma so fat, she look like a llama!! Krystal: WHAT!? Why, you!! *Fires lasers at Gatrie* Gatrie: *Multi-c***k* Hey, she does no damage! Must be my awesome Def! Oscar: (Looks like I'll have to call upon my zanpakto!) Slay them, Shinso! *Oscar's zan...er...lancepaktou Shinso extends through space and connects with Krystal's arwing* Krystal: NOOOOOO!!! *Dies* Westbrook: The defenses are back online! Good job, guys! Ike: *Reappears* No problem, Brian Westbrook! It's all in a day's work!
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