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 Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 1:36 pm
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Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 1:51 pm
He had been left in a very sorry state following recent events - a word with Giruvegan had done little more than cause panic and the reawakening of the true Lord of the Grove had set him into a spin. Oh, it wasn't that the reawakened Cyn had immediately taken his throne once more but his arrival had caused hidden emotions and memories to return to the surface. It was a complicated situation and one he would rather not go into until he had fully mulled it over in his mind.
However, one thing had come of it for the moment Cyn opened his eyes and slipped out into the world of the living once more, his ears were open and oddly, the child in Azumoth was reborn. No, he didn't burst into tears or start pouting like a colt but the father figure that had emerged in his life the moment he had fled to the Grove was there again and while Cyn gave no instruction he did provide advice when asked.
He had listened, mulled over Azumoth's explanations.
Then he had quite calmly informed the stallion that he was a coward and he would rather not hear from him again until Azumoth had grown a backbone. He had said that fighting wasn't everything, that Azumoth was blinded by hate - this wasn't the first time the stallion had heard all this before. Giruvegan, Moppet and his blue tit brothers had all said the same thing, even she had said the same thing and yet when it came from the mouth of a stallion such as he...
Well oddly, it held more depth, a greater meaning.
Thus, the reason for him being where he was now was perfectly logically. He was no longer in his mountains, no longer shrouded and embrace by shadows and instead he trudged endlessly through the meadows. He stuck out like a sore thumb if he were to be entirely honest and he found the long grasses to be more than a little irritating but he was there. They were pulling at his hair! His tail had so many bugs, grasses, twigs and god knows what else in it that he felt more weighted down then usual.
Alright, so that was a blatant lie.
Truth be told he was petrified and while he did his best to appear composed, remaining tall despite the weight and pressure upon his shoulders...he was scared. He had a backbone, he was damned determined to prove that and he had done so by leaving the grove accordingly. Unfortunately, he was more concerned with those he might meet while he was down here.
Babies he could handle, humans avoided him but what if he saw her?
Ah, he had left her in a very poor state and wasn't entirely certain he could present himself in a suitable manner should he encounter her. His ears drooped ever so slightly at this, in an almost coltish fashion as he paused to survey his surroundings again.
Amber eyes flitted back, unaccustomed to the territory - the sounds and the smells.
Urgh. Now what was he meant to do?
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Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 2:19 pm
Despite everything that had happened, Bella was in fairly good spirits. Her neck was slowly healing and the pain wasn't nearly as raw, and her other physical bruises and cuts had all but disappeared. Though she walked with more caution in her step, and avoided the cliffs like a plague, Bella was beginning to regain her confidence and faith within her beloved plains. If one called the mare a bit more skittish than before, well, she certainly had her reasons.
Despite the physical wounds patching up nicely, there were emotional hurts that had yet to be tended. Though she tried not to think about him, she couldn't very well help herself. She realized that, for better or worse, she thought more of the black and surly stallion than she had ever intended. . . But the complications of the matter was that he didn't feel a damned thing for her. He had made that much clear down by the lake. . . . .
Every time she seemed to humiliate herself, or dig herself a grave that was too deep to jump out of. Every time she faced him something went wrong and it usually was all her fault. And even though he had rejected her advances, had toyed with her heart like a yo-yo in a childs hands, she still couldn't get over herself. . . . Her emotions just wouldn't let her. Sometimes she wanted to be angry with him, but mostly the mare had wanted to cry.
And cry she had.
Even with the spark of hope that he had set up the invitation to return, it was too much for Bella to take. She couldn't face him yet, not with her own discoveries and emotions so new. The naive mare had never felt this way before, and unlike Azumoth who had had experience (even if it were limited) with things. . . . Bella had not. This was uncharted waters she wanted very much to explore, and yet. . . . and yet she could not, the craft had been denied and she had no way to get where she desperately wanted to be.
To avoid further hurting herself and complicating matters, the mare had steered clear of Azu's grove. Though he had walked her home, and though she commended him for such kindness, Bella wasn't ready to face him. Not yet. Soon enough, she knew - she was a bad habit that he couldn't rid himself of no matter how hard he might try.
She couldn't let him think he had gotten the best of her, even though in a way he had.
Needless to say, as she ran free over the plains and rounded a hill, she stopped dead in her tracks at the sight before her. Hardly a hundred feet away sat the silhouette of an unmistakable figure. Though the form had wings reminscent to that of a kalona, there were spiral horns that raised high out of his head, and a silken, intricate cape and mask. . . . . Oh, there was only one stallion in the world that held such a familiar look and appeal. . . . .
And it was the one stallion she had wanted desperately to avoid.
Confused as to why he was out and about - never, EVER would she have thought to bump in to him on her plains - Bella almost turned around and fled. But he might have seen her, and the girl wasn't about to be less than hospitable. Besides - what one earth was Azu doing out in the open and so exposed?
Heaving a small shudder, her heart skipping and stomach churning over the humiliation and anxiety to come, she continued onward. Her run turned in to an easy canter as she bridged the distance between them. Steady, steady, she reminded herself. Despite her confusion and caution, Bella's eyes couldn't help but light up.
"Azumoth," she murmured softly, doing her best to be unafraid. "What a pleasant surprise!" Though Bella had wanted to avoid his grove, that didn't mean she would give up this opportunity so quickly. So long as she faked an attitude like nothing had changed or happened. . . . everything would be all right.
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Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 2:47 pm
"Ah hell..." what flew out of his mouth was meant to have remained inside, but the moment the cream mare entered his line of side both mind and body acted as one. His mouth opened and the words that should have been a mental thought spilled out leaving him in a rather grim position. Of all the things to say, that was not the best one to choose and having already made himself out to be the worlds best prat he was doing a damn good job of ensuring he kept the title.
Smart move... A voice murmured in his mind and after a few moments of gawking he closed his eyes, took a deep breath and heaved a rather loud sigh. Such a sigh sent a shudder along his back and it was only after he had swallowed and regained was shreds of composure he had left that he finally opened them again.
Well, despite his horrendous greeting she was looking well. Stunning actually, the wounds were healing and as he had hoped the light had returned to her eyes. The light she had lost and he had mourned after was back - well, sort of. It wasn't as bright as it had been but it was there and while he was certain he had imagined it, it shone the brightest for him.
He'd thoroughly shot himself in the foot there.
Adopt the recovery position! his mental thought process was a whirl as he took a breath and tightened his lower jaw. Looking more and more like a guilty colt, Azumoth really was a duck out of water in this current location and it showed. It seemed the tables had turned in that regard, usually it was Bella who was out of place and less than comfortable...Karma had ensured that it was Azumoth's turn to endure this.
"That - " he started and then stopped abruptly, trying desperately to recover from his hiccup. Generally he ignored them, dismissed it as another soquili out of his way but this was her. "That was not for you," he confessed gruffly, it wasn't strictly true but at the same time he hadn't really wanted to run into her either.
"It was not," he seemed to deem it necessary to reiterate this as he fixed his gaze on the mare. He was completely uncertain of how to react and it was in this instance as his body language became tense and defensive that he finally understood why his mother (Moppet) had been so insistent that he socialised. Maybe if he had listened he would have known what to do!
Argh, if he gritted his teeth any more his jaw would break!
Unfurling his wings to flex them, it was an indication of the sheer discomfort he felt. He wasn't cold, but he was certainly stiff and the more his muscles tensed the greater his need was to move. One might have described it as the 'fight or flight' research but following the accusations of cowardice from his adoptive father he was determined to dig his hooves into the ground and bear it out.
That being said, he couldn't help but feel that there was something extremely warped about having to 'endure' her. He shouldn't have too but at the same time he was deeply aware of those dangerous desires and his need to surpress them. He couldn't let her get hurt, not again.
He would be a coward if he did.
Shaking his head to rid an itch he at last began to will his muscles to relax and while it didn't take immediate affect he was beginning to look a little less imposing. It was a testament to how truly disciplined a creature he was...
"You are looking well," he croaked at last, unable to offer a smile as he flicked his gaze over her petite form to note her recovery, among other things. "I am sure your friends are glad of this."
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Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 11:32 pm
Ah hell? It wasn't as if he had whispered the words, it wasn't as if she could be stupid enough not to know what sort of response that meant. . . . . Crap. Maybe it hadn't been a good idea to approach. The light in her eyes, that flicker of light that truly did burn brightest with him around, suddenly dimmed rather dramatically. The light that she possessed flickered - it was up to Azumoth whether he wanted to snub it completely. Already he was doing a damn good start, and the confidence she had earlier possessed began to leave her breathless. <******** a very un-Bella like phrase, but it was the only thing she could think of. Her heartstrings tugged and twisted, and she was reminded yet again why her hooves had wanted so desperately to run the opposite way. Did he say such things to purposely cause her pain? Was this some sick fetish he found pleasure in or was he really just that retarded. . . ? Given, he wasn't stupid all the time, and he had every right to feel how he felt, but. . . . but. . . . . .
Why did she have to hope so much for him? She knew he wasn't heartless, she knew he had at least half a brain, but why. . . . Could he not spare some kind word? Even if he didn't mean it? Oh, on the one hand Bella didn't WANT Azumoth to change. . . . And she wasn't asking him to. But the girl could at least appreciate a kind word or two from time to time - something to give her reason to keep returning, to keep hoping for his sake. . . .
Instead, he made it quite clear how he felt. No matter how he tried to explain it.
Her smile fell some, but she fought to keep at least a small one upon her features. No need to let him see how much that response had hurt - nto that it would matter anyway. It hadn't been met for her. . . ? Bella flicked an ear as he explained, glancing around the almost empty plain.
If it hadn't been met for her than who. . . .? He could lie all he wanted, he weave all the half-truths he wanted in to a quilt of comfort for his soul, but Bella wasn't stupid and no matter how much comfort her he clung on to, she knew . . . .
Her company was less than wanted.
Her throat suddenly tightened, choking her but forever Bella would press onward. Dipping her head for a moment, tail swishing behind her, she took a moment to blink back the hurt that she knew must be present in her gaze.
Re composure around Azumoth was a MUST - no matter what.
Capturing his gaze again, her expression neutral, she watched as he spread his wings and stretched. Was this silence awkward or was it just her. . . .? Her heart seemed to echo within her ears, proving how hollow she felt at his moment. But - maybe that was just how things were supposed to be. Chuckling softly, though the humor didn't reach her gaze, Bella gave a small shake of her head. She let her long locks drip down over her eyes, as if she could hide from the towering stallion before her.
"I don't think my friends even noticed," she admitted nonchalantly. Funny how Azumoth assumed she was the ever social beast. Besides Meshach, had he ever asked her what her life was like out on the plains? It seemed he liked to assume she had an entire paparazzi of folks just wanting tobe with her.
The truth of the situation was rather depressing. Besides Meshach, whom she hadn't seen since their almost fatal escapade, she had seen none. Feena was the spirits only knew where, and . . . the others. . . . . what others. Bella had been born alone in to the world, and the way the spirits mocked her so, it seemed that was the way it would someday end. "But thank you for noticing. . . . It won't be long now before one won't ever tell." There was no vanity in words, but Bella could only hope she wouldn't have to stare at the gash in her reflection for much longer. . . .
It brought back bad memories, and Malice wasn't it.
A silence fell before she gave a small shake of her head. "And what of you? Have you been well?" Her curiosity for his reasons being so exposed were pushed aside for concern for his well-being. She expected some sort of sarcasm, some sort of hurt to come with her inquiery. . . . but Azumoth was beginning to train her to such expectations.
To prepare for the worst, to wait for the pain and hurt and humiliation that was fast going to come.
No matter how hard she tried, no matter what her heart said and no matter how she begged and longed to do the best - she failed. And he laughed or yelled or insulted. . . . .
And such was their existence around each other.
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Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 4:59 am
Well he had definitely made a complete a** of himself now, that simple slip of the tongue had cost him all he had. Dignity was irrelevant as that light once again dimmed and that look of doubt replaced it. He didn't lame her, he wouldn't blame anyone for disbelieving his words given who he was and how he behaved but by the gods it hurt. She hadn't even said anything and he had been firmly snubbed for that one slip up...
He was an a**.
The weight on his shoulders simply increased as he watched the mares ever changing expression. She wasn't very good at hiding how she felt, her features twisted and contorted as she wrestled with her emotions before finally fixing what he could only describe as a 'strained' smile upon her lips. The very fact that the struggle had been so apparent (to him at least) simply made her blow all the more painful.
He had always been a composed individuals but in such a place it was just a little too much and his ears drooped. Had they been any longer he may very well have resembled a donkey but alas, it only served to make him appear to be just a tad more dejected. He knew he deserved it, those looks and even the now nonchalant tone she spoke in but it didn't make things any better.
Rolling his shoulders lightly to rid the tension in his muscles, it was at this point that he finally understood why his mother had been so insistent that he socialise. In a way, he was a little disappointed that he hadn't obeyed her given that he may have been able to handle the situation better. The awkward silence was a testament to his failure - had he been more sociable perhaps he could have been like an ordinary male and cracked a joke to lighten the mood.
He could have a good sense of humour when he wanted to but...
Meh.
Had he ever been genuinely happy around her? He'd never given her the chance to see that and had he chosen to reveal it now it just would have seemed so false. His adoptive father was right, while he may have slept for the majority of Azumoth's childhood one look had told him everything and he had classified his 'son' as a coward. Well, not in those words...he had simply called it a warped form of arrogance but the chord had been struck.
Granted, Moppet and many others had told him of similar things, that he needed to open his eyes and see the truth. It had never worked, he had been able to ignore them but when it came from his 'father' it was different. While Moppet had led him to the grove as a babe, it had been his father that had turned to him and granted him the one thing he wanted most. Acceptance. While he had vanished shortly after and had left Moppet to raise him his father's willingness to embrace and permit him sanctuary had enabled Azumoth to give him a great deal of respect and admiration.
...Yes he loved Moppet, but his father was a soquili.
Cyn, had seemed completely unperturbed by his appearance. He had observed that Azumoth was a strong babe and had great potential and that was that. He had made no demands, simply vanished and left Azumoth the great responsibility of the Grove...It had been that sense of purpose that he had embraced and as he matured, found that this was perhaps the most appropriate way to repay his father for his kindness.
But what of Bella?
He had thrown more insults and abuse at the petite mare than he had any other. Yet she always came back, the smile...well, he had made sure to destroy that but she still tried. It was strange, he had always viewed mares as objects and all those that had stumbled into his grove had been labelled 'his' for quite a long time. It was significantly worse when he was younger, it was difficult to socialise as a rowing colt and yet... Well, he had become obsessive and even when they had fled or left him he had watched from the shadows.
When they found happiness, he grew angry. They had never pledged themselves to him and yet in entering his grove they had become his - in finding a mate they had betrayed him. They had taken a piece of him...or that's how it used to be.
Over the years he had dismissed that and it had been replaced with indifference. Not one female had ever come back to him, he had considered it a sign that he was unfit to be paired and thus any female was simply something he couldn't have. If they were found, they were dismissed...until Bella at least.
She'd always come back until that fateful day when he had well and truly messed up. Hell, she was still a treasure, an 'object' he couldn't have but this time it hurt far more than the others. It wasn't quite the same and so very difficult to understand - he had an awful habit of burning bridges without first recognising their value.
He had planned to destroy any optimism she held towards him, he'd planned to scare her away and look where that had got him! He was now stood in an open plain, very out of place in front of the mare he had tried to dismiss. The icing on the cake was the simple fact that he had come to the realisation that he'd made a very big mistake.
All right, so it was a little late now but he could at least fix some of the things he had broken.
Shifting uncomfortably as he took his own thoughts into account, he mulled over her words for a few moments before lifting his own gaze. His expression unreadable, his tone gruff yet lacking in malice, he spoke. "I am alive, I am uninjured, I can expect nothing more."
Oh he was a ray of sunshine.
You plank. The voice in his head barraged him for his anti social response and he steeled himself. He really was a coward, cuddling into his shell and incapable of expressing himself. For a very, very brief moment he envied Biscuit...regardless of how loud the bloody male was.
"It has been a rather unusual few weeks," he wasn't stating the obvious, he wasn't aware of how her life had been following his little mishap but his life had been chaos. His own adoptive daughter had woken his father out of his deep slumber and Cyn had once again returned to the forest - with him, he brought brutal honesty and direction that Azumoth had craved for years. Cyn brought a sense of purpose and security, his strength and his awareness of his surroundings despite being blind (he had too much hair) made his words resonate with much more power.
Yes, Azumoth still loved his mother but since when did son's listen to their nagging mothers? Especially raccoons!
Alongside that, Azumoth had been given a proposal by Giruvegan and had been told on no uncertain terms to 'figure it out'. Giruvegan had said it subtly, but the message was clear - they loved him but his destructive behaviour was tiring everyone out. More to the point, it was tearing him to pieces and thus...Giruvegan had told him to go on holiday. Well, it wasn't so much a holiday as a quest of self discovery.
He wasn't so sure he could take it.
Stomach still churning, the stallion struggled against the awkward silence - it was a testament to his discipline that he hadn't cracked under the pressure already but there was just one thing he had to say. He had come down here with that sole thought in his mind so...maybe if he got it over and done with he could trudge away to lick his wounds in peace.
"I am sorry," he croaked at last.
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Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 12:06 am
He just liked to make her life difficult. Given, Bella understood to the full extent that she did it to herself, and that part of her was masochistic enough to look forward to his meetings regardless of the pain. Truly though, as much as she blamed Azumoth for his careless words, it wasn't all him. . . Her pain was as much hers to blame, if not more. Had she not lost sight of her desire for friendship, had she not lost faith in her words of loyalty and had she not shoved her heart at him. . . . Maybe the pain wouldn't be there. Had she only not lost herself to the uncharted waters of feeling maybe she wouldn't be so upset and hurt. . . .
Maybe.
But Bella would never know. She had chosen her path, and she refused to turn away.
Azumoth spoke and Bella was compelled to listen. It still confused her why he had shown up so exposed. Part of Bella wanted to be selfish and vain and hope that maybe it had something to do with her. . . . but she wouldn't allow that thought to surface. No - she couldn't forget herself around the might stallion. She'd lost herself once and look at where it had gotten her. . . . utterly humiliated and injected with shame.
Not today.
So it was the blond and curled hair mare listened, canting her head curiously to the side. Despite his inward turmoil, Bella hardly picked up upon his nervous habits. She'd never seen him so uncomfortable, and therefor couldn't place the emotion quite yet. The only hint of uncertainty given was the fact that he had been SO adamant against leaving his grove! Exposure wasn't something he liked, so she could only wonder how he was feeling. . . . .
"Has it now?" She questioned, quirking a delicate brow. She wanted to pry further, to know why it had been so unusual for the stallion but she temporarily refrained. Might he turn her away for asking? Might he sneer ? Sometimes Bella just didn't know so she was beginning to assume everything was going to be a problem. . . even the most simplist of inquiries.
So it was, the mare left her question unspoken. If he chose to go in to details it would be up to him to make the call - that way she wouldn't be the one to blame.
And then it happened.
If the mare hadn't been confused enough, he had completely thrown her for yet another loop. Damn him! Always with the emotional roller-coaster and confusion. Azumoth was actually apologizing? But whatever for. . . ? The cogs of her mind began to work overtime, trying piece where this apology sat.
Oh, the mare couldn't deny its validity. He had NEVER apologized, even in jest, so this couldn't be some sort of trick. But what. . .? It was vague, it wasn't direct, and it left a lot of loop holes. Was he apologizing for his behavior or was he apologizing for her sensitivity to his words? Was the sorry for his comment he had spoken mere minutes before, or was it a generic apology for everything?
By the spirits she just didn't know. But . . . she wasn't going to make this hard on the male. If he had come to apologize, she would take it and let the black stallion on his way. Her long lashed gaze averted as she dipped her head slightly, curled locks falling over her features.
But now - how to react? She wouldn't blow off such a thing by saying he needn't do so but now what? Did she apologize too? Or did she take it and then shrug things off? Oh dear. . . . "Azu, you've long been forgiven." She murmured softly, her amber gaze slowly lifting to gaze up at him under her long lashes and hair. "But I would like to apologize too."
((Omg - soooooo sorry for the crappy post. It's 3am and I should have been in bed long ago. Forgive the horribleness - I'll respond better next time, promise! ))
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Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 4:01 am
((lol s'all good, my entire post got deleted last time and I had to retype it so my previous one wasn't what I wanted to say xD))
"What?" The rather unceremonious response trickled from the lips of the stallion and he gawked at the mare in astonishment. Now this response could have been directed at either of her replies - better yet, to both. It was indeed rare that the black stallion apologised and he knew when it was required but to have it countered with another apology floored him. Oh sure, the fact that she had accepted it so easily already knocked his nose out of joint but...Why was she sorry?
Wait, wait - he mused, racking his mind as he attempted to figure out what might have caused such an apology to occur. His expression still unreadable, it was the clouding of his eyes that was the only indication that he was in deep thought. So far, he had yet to uncover any reason for an apology towards him unless it had something to do with...
Not again... He released an inward sigh as he found the only thing that she could possibly apologise for. She was letting him down gently, such a delicate creature wouldn't scream and shout for him to leave. No, no - she would be hospitable until the very end and 'gently' ease him out of her life. It always started with an apology and the moment he turned his back she would utter a soft 'good bye' and that would be it. The next time he would hear of her, she would be mated with children!
Well, he supposed he couldn't complain. Evidently her injuries had not prevented her from finding a more suitable stallion and he afforded a ghost of a smile towards his own thoughts. It happened every time, it was inevitable and he had warned himself of this fact...it just hurt a little more than he was accustomed to, that was all.
However, it didn't stop his darker side from demanding the identity of the male!
"You have no need to apologise," he murmured at last, clearing his throat to avoid any quavering that may attempt to break through his calm façade. "I understand," he continued. Of course, he clearly didn't understand and had simply jumped to conclusions but he would have rather not hear her elaborate. He was like an elephant and rarely forgot, they always said goodbye and then explained - he didn't need an explanation so he would stop it before it even occurred.
You did tell her she would leave any way... It appeared logic had woken up from its brief slumber and was resting firmly in the forefront of his mind to watch the proceedings.
Doesn't mean he wanted her to. Snapped the more gentle voice in his mind.
"I cannot avoid sounding cliché in this, but it is important to remain content. So long as you are, there is no need to speak of apologies." He pointed out calmly, flicking his braided tail against his flank. Shifting his weight from one hoof to the other, he had to admit he certainly felt a little lighter after saying that. Perhaps it was the fact that he wouldn't have to hear her explanations...that he wouldn't have to hear about another male or a better life, but his muscles began to relax and he felt just a little more composed than he had been before.
A little more secure, despite the location.
That and it gave him an peculiar sense of empowerment, that odd little childish obsession was still present just controlled. She had entered his Grove and thus in a way she was his - a daughter, yes he was aware he had fought through this argument before but now she had another in her life it would be easier to see her this way.
More to the point.
It would give him the perfect excuse to maul the lucky b*****d if he ever hurt her.
That made him feel just a little better. His brow even raised at this thought and he mentally applauded his darker side for offering up the more optimistic view of the current situation.
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Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 6:31 am
The mare heard his words, and lifted her head as she gazed before him. For a moment he seemed startled by her response, as if he hadn't seen it come. Strange really, she was always inches from the response and had surely thought he might have offered some sort of a reprimand or snort. She was constantly apologizing, so why did he appear. . . . . a little stunned?
And then he spoke, his words dark and final, but Bella found they didn't. . . quite. . . fit. To be content? Who said anything about being content! If Azumoth thought that her wounds and bruises to the soul would heal so cleanly and easily as her physical scars, than he was most sadly mistaken. Her throat clenched sightly, and for a moment she allowed for a silence, the own cogs of her mind turning.
Should she just accept it with a nod and say nothing?
. . . No. She'd done damage enough, it seemed silly for her to avoid dangerous bridges and crossroads now. Messup was her middle name if she had any, especially around Azu - so what would make today any different? He seemed little affected by her words as if they were water and he a sieve. . .
Forever she just drifted through him, unaffecting and untouching. He was unbreakable it seemed, and though that was his choice, Bella wouldn't still give up hope. Even if things never worked out for her, the male was so certain that mares couldn't ever be affected by him - she could now prove him wrong. It was both a shame and an irony that her words meant little and nothing to him. Why couldn't she have been a different mare. . . . one that might have held some sort of weight.
"Azu I . . . " She hesitated, before blindly rushing on. It was the only way. "Well that's just it, isn't it? I'm no more content than you are standing out in the open. I won't feel better until I say it, I won't feel better until. . . " Well, no now that would be going to far. No need to spit her entire heart out on a plate and risk it being broken again. Instead, she chose the slow death. . . exposing little facets at a time and watching numbly as he disregarded or disposed of them.
She still had a whole heart left. Masochistic as she was, she was prepared to take her daily moment of humiliation. It came from Azu, so at least it was better than nothing. "Until I let you know how sincerely sorry I am for. . . for plaguing your life. You never asked for me, and yet I came. You turned me away and yet I thought. . . . Well. . . I just . . . . I guess that's my problem in everything, isn't it? I didn't think. I just. . . felt."
It was the truth. Her throat had grown tight and her words tangled and soft, ending on a mere whisper. She had averted her gaze, too humiliated to be able to stare at the stallion. Even here, within her own home how he knocked her off her hooves and caused her to feel so much. It wasn't always the negative, like now, but. . . . . It was what she set herself up to know.
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Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2007 7:29 am
Back track!
If only there were a way to replay events that had transgressed mere seconds ago. It seemed that neither soquili was on the same wave length and were referring to two different things entirely. Unfortunately, as fate (and the spirits) would have it, it would continue this way for the time being as the stallion's expression clouded.
So he had told her no apology was necessary and yet she was saying the words he dreaded hearing. She was terribly sorry for involving herself in his life, she was apologising for trying...This really was the end and while he had given her the easy way out by telling her he didn't need to hear it she had steeled on anyway. The words were enough to knock him for six and he couldn't help but wonder why she just never took the easy way out?
A simple nod at his words would have sufficed.
Instead she battered his already damage soul a little more and left him more numb than he deemed physically possible. He had been in duels, had been left with slashes and stabs, yet none struck quite as powerful a blow as those words. So what was he to do? To flinch would be to show weakness that an individual observer may use at a later date but to respond too harshly would cause hostility.
He'd had quite enough hostility for the time being.
"I never turned you away," he replied at last, releasing a heavy sigh through his equine lips as he turned his gaze away from the mare. "Had I turned you away, you would never have seen what lay in the depths of that forest. You would not have had security," he gave a slight shrug, his tone somewhat hollow as he struggled to find words he deemed appropriate. He needed to be civil despite the squeals of protest within his head from a certain darker side.
Unfortunately, it would appear that the stallion had otherwise forgotten about the mare declaring she wasn't happy and had only caught on to what she was saying about him. A twisted sense of pride perhaps, but given the current circumstances it was unsurprising. He was talking about one thing, she was discussing another and neither would get to the point - spirits aside, Moppet would have been yelling abuse form the sidelines had she been present.
Or alternatively...she may have offered a script for both to read off so they didn't have to think.
You see, that was Azumoth's problem - when in a state of discomfort where his life wasn't in immediate danger he had a terrible habit of over thinking everything. One might say it had started off as a way to deal with his boredom but as the years had moved on it became a nervous habit. When he was calm his thoughts were crystal clear, he just began to doubt himself a lot more when put on the spot.
Although, Bella hadn't put him on the spot, he'd put himself there!
"You are young yet, I would not dismiss your emotions or instincts just yet," he shifted his gaze back towards the mare and offered a ghost of a smile, "If you do that you will end up like me - you have nothing to apologise for." He finished, thoroughly disappointed in his own social etiquette but he was fairly certain that now wasn't the time nor place to be discussing the weather or the gossip of other soquili...especially when he hadn't the slightest clue about other soquili.
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Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2007 11:05 pm
Bella felt as if she were talking to a brick wall. It seemed as if nothing she could say was getting through to him, almost like he didn't want to hear what she had to say. It was frustrating, but there was little she could do but carry on. Her throat was tight and that stinging sensation returned behind her eyes, but Bella refused to let emotion get the best of her.
She was strong, damnit.
And if that wasn't the case than she sure as hell was going to fake it!
Her ears drooped a bit as Azumoth spoke, her words reminding her of all the discomfort that surrounded them. It had been her fault that things were so awkward and strange, it had been her fault that things got so messed up between them. The tension in the air seemed so thick she felt as if she were choking. Did Azu feel it too?
By the spirits she hoped not!
"Had you turned me away," she murmured, "I would have never had you." It slipped before she could stop it, but she didn't look shocked or panicked. Let him take it as he saw fit - it wasn't as if it were some secret. Though it was unexplored and (as far as Bella believed) unwanted, that didn't mean it wasn't their. . . .
Whatever 'it' was.
It had been such a blessing for Azumoth to have neglected to turn her from his woods. The first time they met had been by chance and her own stupidity - the second time a storm had saved her from his wrath and rejection. And then the third. . . well. . . . That had been when all of this had happened. Bella didn't understand why things had taken a strange turn, how she could feel so desiring of his attentions after only having been with his company for a relatively small while. . .
And yet no matter how hard she tried to deny it, or ignore it, it was there all the same. And did it ever hurt. . . . .
She sighed softly, amber gaze dropping off the male and staring hard at his hooves and 'gear'. She remembered clearly upon their first meeting his anger at her denial of his lack-of-self-worth. And truly, she still believed in every ounce of her heart that there WAS nothing to be . . . terrified of. Was he imposing? YES. Was he a force to reckon with if he so chose? Hell yeah. But that didn't make him a monster - it just made him a warrior, strong. Though he held mutations that some soquili lacked, that didn't instantly make him a perceived threat and terror.
Those who were foolish enough to assume might believe as much, but Bella had a chance to get to know the black stallion. There was more to him than horns and adversary - there was intelligence, kindness, and strength; there was a protective air about him, as well as a darkness and mystery that could transform from something warm to something ever so cold and sharp. . . .
And Bella couldn't help but want to unravel more. To dig a little deeper, to stay a little longer, to move a little closer. And it was terrible.
Shaking some of her curled locks out of her eyes, the mare finally raised her head and tore her eyes away from his hooves to settle patiently back upon him. "Even when they get me in trouble. . .?" She questioned, taking his hint of a smile and returning it with one of her own.
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Posted: Sun Nov 25, 2007 7:53 am
Had never had him?
He wasn't entirely sure he understood that and what context it came in, in a manner of speaking it almost sounded like the possessive side of him. However, some might argue that she hadn't had him at all given he hadn't bedded her and had simply belittled her...Perhaps, she was referring to the fact that she was one of the only mares that had been able to make him lose control for only a second?
Hmph - well she was wrong damnit, he had withdrawn because he was in control!
Neither of them seemed very good at being blunt.
Nevertheless, after a few moments of mulling this over in his mind he dismissed it to be considered at another time and instead he fixed his gaze on the mare as a ghost of a smile appeared on her features. It wasn't quite what he wanted - he wanted something more definite. The light he had drowned out seemed most unlikely to come back and by being here, he suspected it would be gone until he opted to leave.
To say this sucked was an understatement. It had been that smile and optimism that had drawn him to her like a moth to the flame. Completely mesmerised he hadn't been able to pull himself away but now it was gone he had nothing to cling to or embrace. One might say that he was the moth who had died against the flame and the moth that would never be blessed to see it again.
He hadn't relented, he just hadn't seen.
Meh.
"In answer to your question it would depend entirely on the 'trouble' you find yourself in," he replied after a few moments of careful consideration, his expression clouding slightly. Ah, Bella for all her beauty and youth was still naive and while he loathed to admit it he was one of the few who recognised her vulnerable persona and wouldn't use it against her. Her 'instincts', those he was inclined towards while they might annoy him would be a problem for her. There would be those who took advantage of them because she was too much of an idealist and it would be those times when he probably would have encouraged her not to listen to her instincts.
However, in ignoring her instincts she just wouldn't be her, he couldn't destroy any more of that light for fear of retribution.
"But to ignore that which you are and the habits you have developed would not be a good thing," pursing his lips, he could do nothing more than raise a brow as he continued to mull over the thoughts in his mind. Expression relatively difficult to read, he really was a bit of a puzzle until you learnt to read his body language...something Bella had never had the time to do.
"You would become a different individual entirely and I am sure there are those who love you exactly as you are," he added at last, he hadn't meant it in any other way than a general statement but a tiny part of him had to admit that he liked her exactly how she was too. Regardless of her faults and how often he wished to smack his head off a cliff face when she said something utterly ridiculous.
"One might say to be cautious than to completely ignore them," he finished at last, not entirely certain of what he was trying to say as he answered the mares question. Alas, ever the male with so many manners he had to respond - silence was rude.
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Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 8:25 am
Honestly, Bella had meant it in the generic sense, but leave it to Azu to look past friendship or kindness. Love an sex had nothing to do with it - it didn't even occur to the mare that one might consider 'having' someone something sexual.
Ignorance was bliss.
Had she not bumped in to the stallion her world would have been less colourful and good. She would have walked around oblivious to the world in which Azumoth lived. She would have never had the opportunity to meet Ms. Moppet and her family, nor enjoy the beauty of the grove, or better learn about the fascinating (and frustrating) stallion before her. Now that she had forced him, kicking and screaming, in to her life. . . . It was hard to see it without him.
Which is why, regardless of the humiliation and pain, regardless of her own embarrassment and awkwardness - she would always return. Unless he told her off once and for all, unless he made her promise never to see him again. . . .
. . . she'd try. And even if she did promise, Bella was unsure if she could keep her word.
It wasn't just because of her new physical attraction to him - it was because he was most dear to her heart and a friend. Though she was doing her best to accept that she had been played the fool and there would never be such foolish a label as 'them', by the spirits she had every right to call him friend! And as a friend, and as she had given him her oath that first meeting, she wouldn't stray too far for long.
Lucky him.
Bella's ears pricked as Azumoth continued to speak. Strange how this was the most calm conversation they'd seemed to have had. It was refreshing, really, if still on the cold and formal side. She wanted to get the male to relax some, and maybe, just maybe, get him to smile. Oh, how she doubted the latter, but. . . it was worth a try.
Those who love her, eh, her mind mulled. And exactly who would that be? Surely not Azu, that much was clear, but Meshach? Since the attack she had yet to bump in to the unicorn, and part of her wasn't sure she wanted to. Besides that, who else was there?
No one, really. Unlike Azu, she she had no family to care for and watch over. She was her own mare with few friends or loved ones to surround herself with. Theo nly one who would notice would be Azumoth himself, and as far as Bella understood, regardless of what he was telling her now, he would pobably be most happy with the changes.
"I suppose you're right," she agreed, canting her head to the side to allow a grin to cross her features. "I do rather like who I am, regardless of the trouble it gets me. But you're true when one must be cautious. I've learned to cast aside my nature temporarily, to feel out uncharted territories before letting the sun shine once again.
"Not everyone appreciates good humor and jest," she admitted, chuckling. No, she wasn't going to point fingers but Azu wasn't exactly the sort to reciprocate her good humor. He just seemed to like her for her ignorance. Well - different strokes for different folks, really. And if that's the only thing he might possibly like about her, than so be it. At least it was something, right?
"I'll be safe though," she assured with a nod. She reared up for a moment, as to prove her 'toughness', mimicking the lunge he had taught her previously. She didn't buck out though, and quickly fell back to her hooves, but at least her golden eyes were once again light with good humor. Leave it Bella not to stay down for long - something always perked her up eventually, in this case it was Azu. Things werent' so awkward between them . . . . right?
So long as they didn't discuss 'that' they were fine. Or so Bella could pretend.
"Tell me, sir, have you come this way for long or. . . . or are you quickly passing through?" Bella hoped for the former, but was certain the black stallion would be spirited away swiftly enough. It wasn't, now that she thought about it, that the time they spent together was long. The last time had been under precarious circumstance and might be labeled a fluke.
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Posted: Tue Nov 27, 2007 2:12 am
He couldn't help it! Generally speaking the phrase to 'have' someone often referred to that very thing. To bed a mare was to "have her", to seduce a mare and vice versa was to "have him" or to "have her". Really, what else was he supposed to think given everything that had occured in the last few weeks? It was rather fortunate that neither could understand one another's thoughts or even read them for that matter as he would have no doubt left the mare with a rather painful headache - argh, why couldn't things be black and white as they used to be!
Truly, it was a rather irritating state of affairs.
However, had he known that she simply stuck by him because of an 'oath' he probably would have had enough at that very instant. To say he would have been horrified was a bit of an understatement...His pride would have been wounded to the point that he would have simply dismissed the oath as nothing more than the words of a filly not yet full grown. He didn't need pity or sympathy and he was most certainly not an obligation. Alas, Bella may not have seen him in this way at all but it was lucky she hadn't uttered such words or he would have completely lost the handle.
Nevertheless, the idea that his petite little mare didn't have an extensive range of family and friends would have confused him. In a way he was naive himself, not once had he ever met a lowland soquili without a ridiculously large social circle or a large family. Now, to say that his little mare had neither would have caused him more trouble than could have been imagined. Having adopted two little ones already (now full grown much to his annoyance) he would have been furious to think that yet another foal had been left at birth. Well, sort of...Had he found her as a babe it probably would have turned out a lot different.
...For a start he really would have been a father figure.
Alas, all these thoughts were simply "What Ifs" and there would have been little use to mull over them. However, there was one thing that Azumoth was certain of and that was in relation to the one friend he did know his little mare had - that blasted unicorn. Still smarting from the mare's apparent forgiveness of one so utterly stupid, Azumoth was unprepared to let it slide and the moment he found the worthless hunk of meat he would tear into it. Verbally of course, the taste of blood in his mouth made him a little ill (strict vegetarian and all that).
Shifting his weight from his right to his left hoof, he drifted in and out of his own thoughts. He wasn't trying to be rude but given his current situation he found it difficult not to. He was working hard, attempting to relight the candle inside the pretty mare but in doing so he was having to be a little more...amicable? If he was to be entirely honest it wore him out, he was already weary and the light wasn't as bright as it had been before. Like a human crying out and attempting to relight the smouldering kindles of a camp fire - he was going to get nowhere with out a little more fuel.
Even so, when she did grin something inside him twisted and he was rejuvenated just a little...
"We have been through this before, I am always right," he pointed out gruffily although he was aware that this wasn't strictly true. More than once he had been proven wrong, usually by his family through their soft jests but more recently...through his reawakened father. That being said, as she reared up to demonstrate her 'prowess' in the art of self defence a flicker of a smile did appear on his granite-like features. "However there is always a place for good humour and jest, it is a matter of selecting the right moment."
"Liiiiike now!" A unrecognisable voice chirped from above and with no other warning the tiny blue tit found its perch upon one of the stallion's horns. He looked up only briefly and then arched a brow as the second descended without a word. A ruffle of it's feathers and it had settled comfortably on his only available horn.
"I dinnae think tha' our big brother be goin' back all tha' quickly, ain't tha' right Azu!" They didn't mean to shout but their high pitched voices resembled it as they exchanged glances and then gave an avian smile towards the stallion. The result was something that his daughters often laugehd at, for the stallion quickly became cross eyed as he looked up at the pair with an expression half way between fondness and irritation.
"I can speak for myself," he pointed out coolly, continuing to stare up at the pair of birds.
"Ye be lyin', the only things ye ever say are all depressin' and we dinnae think tha' the pretty girl wanna be hearin' tha' - right Nono?" The first bird enquired.
"Right Horne!" The second replied enthusiastically before turning it's beady eyes on the mare. "I gotta admit though, ye chose a looker this time!"
"Approve, yes we do!"
They really were chatter boxes and unfortunately Azumoth had little time to interrupt either as they chattered endlessly to one another about Bella, then Azumoth, then something completely irrelevant. It would have taken something beyond mortal power to keep up - either that or you would need to be a blue tit, have the same accent and the same type of thought process (or lack thereof).
"Nono, Horne... What are you after?" Azumoth eventually found his moment, it was a rare opportunity to watch the stallion converse with two little creatures that made up his tight knit family. More to the point, it was a rare opportunity to meet yet another pair of individuals who were lively enough and oblivious enough to blatantly ignore a certain male's grumpiness. It seemed that everyone who remained close to the male usually ended up ignoring anything depressing that came out of his mouth; either that or they dismissed it and told him he was stupid (in their own loving way of course).
"Moppet be kickin' us out o' tha' grove cause she be cleanin' - she be sayin' we be makin' a mess in the pool," Horne replied gravely, his features taking on a serious expression.
"We nae even be splashin' tha' much!" Nono protested with a ruffle of his feathers.
"'Cept when we be makin' 'er lose her balance an' she be fallin' in the pool..."
Azumoth could only raise a brow at this before releasing a soft sigh, he just couldn't escape could he?
"Bella, might I introduce you to my younger brothers - Horne and Nono."
"Well hello there!"
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Posted: Tue Nov 27, 2007 2:59 pm
Though Bella wasn't the sort to go back on her word, the oath she had given him was very slight a chain that kept her to him. Whether or not she had said such a thing, it wouldn't have mattered - she still would have returned to his grove to 'visit' and nothing would have changed. There was more to Bella than her oath - there was more to Azumoth too, for that matter! The mare genuinely wanted to be in his company, genuinely wanted to visit and see how he was faring - regardless of the frustration and hurt that sometimes happened.
They were a crazy pair, truly. Never would the cream mare have imagined gaining trust and friendship out of another soul could be so difficult. But the rewards were worth it. To spot an occasional smile or glimmer of amusement, to watch his disposition shift from dark and brooding to something a hair more gentle. . . .
It was the little things Bella so loved to see.
Truly, the black stallion was her best friend. He knew her better than she knew herself, sometimes, and he was the only one she could find hesrelf so comfortable around. Yes, there was Meshach, but she hadn't seen him since he'd ran his mouth at Malice. . . .
Perhaps second on her list of friends, but Azu still topped the cake. Strangely enough, even though she were just as lonely with the black male in her life as she might have been without, the girl was content. Regardless the confusion, the occasional bouts of anger, and the humiliation she caused herself. . .it was worth it. She wouldn't trade her friendship with the dark male for anything in the world!
Bella couldn't be more devoted to him if she tried. Though she herself didn't understand just how deep her feelings tumbled, she wanted nothing more than to see the male content. Admittedly, she had been doing a less than stellar job of it, but at least her intentions were in the right place.
Any thought or comment she might have uttered were broken as a familiar voice appeared. Amber eyes lighting brighter, the mare watched as the two little blue tits circled their brother and took up perch upon his horns. She'd met the pair, briefly, before while in the grove.
It was good to see them again. . . . The only one missing was Moppet! Oh, how she enjoyed the raccoons company. Perhaps she'd have to request another visit. With luck, the little raccoon held just as good thoughts for her too. . . .
Sometimes Bella had to wonder, especially with how upset Azu often wound up becoming.
Oh well. . . .
She could worry about what Moppet might think of her later. For now, there were friends to attend!
Bella couldn't help but grin at the easy going birds, though she did dip her head in a coy sort of nature at their compliments. It wasn't as if Azumoth had picked her out of the crowd - nothing of the sort remotely seemed to have happened! If anything, she had plagued him from day one. . . .
As Azumoth reintroduced her to the pair, she offered the two as graceful a bow she could manage. Shaking her cream mane out of her eyes, the young mare peered up at the three. Azumoth looked adorable with two little birds perched upon his head. . . .but heaven forbid she tell him that!
"The pleasures mine, of course," she responded with a chuckle.
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