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 Posted: Mon Nov 19, 2007 2:41 pm
Dante was running as quickly as he could to the one soul who could make him feel better. His friends were helpful, but he was still broken from not seeing his savior, his mother, in such a long time. He would tell her so many things.. so many things that confused him constantly. He felt shameful, running back to his mother like this. But in a way, he knew it was the right thing to do, and soon he would feel much better from the help of the one he loved the most. She always accepted him, no matter what. No one else did that, and that was why he fled back to her.
When he was nearing a familiar bundle of trees, Dante stopped himself into a fast paced walk, and started shouting: "Mother? Mother!". His body was shaking since he was exhausted from running, but he would not give up. It was just like he was a foal again, running back home after a long day by himself. But now.. he was grown, but he didn't feel grown up. When he talked to other grown ups, he felt idiotic, and inferior to their knowledge.
Soon he would be happy.. or at least, that's what he was hoping. His mother just had to be around here somewhere!
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Posted: Mon Nov 19, 2007 3:42 pm
She recognized the voice instantly and bolted towards the sound. So many worries came across her in the short time it took to reach her son. When she got near enough that she spotted him, she called back to ask him what was wrong. The mare did not pause until she stood before her son. She gave him a look over and relaxed visibly when there were no signs of him being physically harmed. She nuzzled him in greeting and asked again, much more calmly this time, "Dante, what's wrong?"
Though she did not want to admit it, she and Glamrock had shared many worries these past weeks when she heard that Reaper had attacked Meera and come in contact with her sons as well. It was hard to relax under such conditions.
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Posted: Mon Nov 19, 2007 9:09 pm
"Mother..." he clung to her voice, and felt at ease when he noticed her dark figure. "I'm sorry if I worried you from shouting, there are just so many things, so many confusions.. where should I start?" He looked at his mother carefully, and suddenly felt very ashamed. The feeling itself was a familiar one, but it was hard enough confronting it in front of his mother. He really was a mess, and he was sure she could notice that.
"You know, I saw father. He rejected me and liked Ezriel.." There, he got THAT out. Dante was useless in both birth, and now in death. Didn't he have a use at all? "I can't find anything good in myself. I have made two friends, which is nice but, one of them tried to use me.."
He paused, and brought his tired eyes on his mother's. "And I learned how to smile, which was nice.. but.. I hate doing it fakely, you know?" His words were chopped up and confusing, and after hearing himself he wondered if any of that made sense to his mother.
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Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 2:49 pm
Korrine couldn't help but raise a brow. "Walk with me, my son," she started before she turned and started in the opposite direction, towards their home.
"You have always been a bit troubled. You carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, Dante, and you need to let it go. Even when you were younger, you seemed so concerned for me and your siblings. I sometimes feel like I failed as a mother because it doesn't seem like you had much of a youth. However, I think that's what makes you so special. You have a big heart and that's why your father rejected you. Do not be disappointed. Relish it. It's the heart that makes life worthwhile. I have faith that your brother will come around too. He is troubled like you but in other ways. I believe he feels he is most like his father but I know my children. I know their hearts are true. I've known it from the moment I carried you all in my body. I have good kids."
It was hard for the mare to keep the tears from falling. "My son, you need to let go of these worries. It is good that you learned to smile. There's so much more you can learn if you give yourself the opportunity to learn them. You mentioned you had two friends and one of them tried to use you? Can I ask how? I would like to know more about what's going on in your life."
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Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 8:25 pm
Dante was speechless as his mother spoke, and he could only burrow his face into her side as if he were a child. It felt good to lean on her, and to know he was wasn't a complete failure. "Mother..tha.." Ah well, what could he say? She said all of the right things, so instead, he decided to answer her question.
"Oh yeah, Amary um.." Dante brought his face back towards his mother's, but kept his eyes lowered towards the ground. "She wanted .. to have sex with me.." Even though sex was something that he and his mother had never discussed, and even though the stallion was older and grown, Dante felt shameful at even SAYING the word. "I was cornered, and she kept telling me how it was natural and the right thing to do.. but all I kept thinking about was your pain and.. I'm so sorry mother!" He finally looked at her again, and he wanted her to know how badly he felt about his birth. "What you went through with.. Reaper, its just awful!"
Finally collecting himself again, he sighed and tried to hold a calm air by breathing nice and slowly. "I like learning, I really do but.. I couldn't take it.. somethings I just.." he stopped talking quickly, and breathed in again before finally regaining himself. "Yeah.. I suck."
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Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 9:11 am
The mare had to be honest with herself. That was the LAST thing she expected to hear. If she had her way, her little ones would stay little forever but they were grown and these things were going to happen. She was taken aback with the comment about her past.
"Oh Dante...," she started, stopping their walk for a moment so she could turn to look at him, "It is natural if it's given freely. It can be wonderful. What happened to me was bad, darling, this is true, but that was only because it was taken from me and not willfully given. When willfully given by both stallion and mare, it can be close to magic. Perhaps it is magic, as it can create life."
The mare nuzzled her son again, "I do not regret what happened to me. I have never regretted it. If it had not have happened, I would not be blessed enough to have this conversation with you right now. While I was hurt, look at what good came from it? I got to meet your godmother and her lot, I got to have two handsome sons and a beautiful daughter. If anything, I should thank Reaper for what he did to me, but I don't think that would go over well with him, eh?" She laughed at that and it was a good feeling. It was good to be able to laugh about it.
It had taken her a long time to get over what happened and it seemed Dante needed help getting over it now as well. Her heart jumped at he was so concerned ove what had happened to her. "You really do have a big heart, Dante. What you need to do is let things happen to you naturally. Get comfortable with it. Don't be afraid. Don't close yourself off to life and love. I know it can be difficult, but you need to let go of the past. If you can't let go, embrace it. Even bad experiences can give birth to good ones. Life has a funny way of surprising us. And no, you don't suck," she finished with a wink.
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Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 1:17 pm
He wanted to believe his mother, he really did. She was right, she was always right. But still.. he couldn't resolve himself that quickly, it was never that easy. He cuddled his head into her neck in recognition of her overly kind words, and then brought his confused expression back where she could see again. "Your advice and words are beyond helpful.. and I want to believe them so much. Maybe I wasn't as afraid of the mare as I thought.. but.." he sighed, and tried to suffice a grin. "I don't find that life is fulfilling, or well.. that I am good enough to fulfill life. I just feel useless all the time, and I can't figure out how to rid myself of these feelings.
I know escaping the past is truly a hard thing. I just don't know if I have the faith or energy for it." With a comfortable nod, he brought his eyes off his mother, and pondered how he could change himself. If his own mother could get over something so terrible.. why couldn't he? "I have anxiety about everything, it really is frustrating. I just want to be normal, but why do I keep telling myself I'm not?"
He realized he was asking his mother terrible questions, and he shook his head at his lack of everything. "I'm sorry, I know these questions are impossible. I feel like they ARE solvable, but I just don't know how."
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Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 1:50 pm
Lady Korrine wished she could lift the burden from her son but it was one of the obstacles he would have to overcome himself. "There is no such thing as normal, Dante. We are all made up of different things. Some of us are strong willed, some weak. Some of us are leaders, others followers and the rest somewhere in between. Some worry about nothing and others worry about everything. Normal is the true impossibility and really, if such a thing existed, life would be quite dull."
The mare leaned over and blew the hair from out of her sons face before continuing, "The only problem I see is that you are in a rush to find these answers. That you have this idea of what you should be and are in a hurry to become it, not realizing how wonderful you are right now. You lost your youth to all these worries. Don't let it take away your entire life. If this Amary was able to help you learn to smile, there's go to be some good there. Friendship is good medicine."
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Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 7:41 pm
"Friendship as a medicine.." he then repeated, while bowing his head slightly. "I guess.. I should work on those then. And try to get happier. I'll do whatever you say, since I trust your advice. I know normal isn't that simple, but, I can say I feel different all of the time. But I know that's ok, something makes that ok." Finally, the stallion let his mother see a calm smile, which was enough to make even Dante feel better.
"I do have one other question for you. Have you seen Ezriel at all? I.. still don't know if he is following father or not. I wonder if I will see father again, and if I will still be worthless. I wonder about those things everyday." And his little wonders always turned into worries very quickly. "And Meera? How is she? I think about her everyday." Hopefully he could hear her speak nice and loudly, and soon! His sister was another who made him feel better, even when they weren't talking about anything. "But really.. how have YOU been? I just spent all this time talking about myself.. how are you? Are you feeling alright lately?" As much as he was selfish for running over to his mother, he also needed to see her, since seeing her meant that she was still alive and well. One way that helped him escape worry was to patch up relationships, and to make sure others were really ok. "I am glad to know you are healthy and well. Very very glad." He was still talking like a child, but that always happened when he was around his mother.
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Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 9:19 am
"I have not seen Ezriel," hoping not to worry Dante, "I am sure he is doing well. He is trying to find his place in this world, much like I believe you are. We have to be willing to accept whatever he decides. We are family. As for your father, I cannot say. I do not know him nor do I wish to ever get to know him. I can say with strong assurance, that he does not know my kids, and as such, his opinion holds about as much worth as bear dung."
Korrine genuinely smiled at the next question, "I have been well. I love it here and Glamrock and her herd are so good to me. I find myself having a curiosity for two-leggers lately so I've been sneaking over to watch them make baskets and furs. They are an interesting sort of creature. I have to admit, I do miss you all every day. I always look forward to the visits from the birds, giving us all an update of what's going on in the lands and what my children are up to. Nothing compares to a visit, though." The mare leaned over and laid her head on her son's shoulder. "Thank you for coming, Dante."
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Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 4:03 pm
With a comfortable nod, Dante sighed before letting some of his hair fall away from his face. He wasn't surprised by his mother's words, since he hadn't seen Ezriel at all either. But it made him glad that his mother didn't care to see Reaper, and he instantly reassured himself of her strength of character. "I will try to think about his words that way, too." And with a cracked smile, Dante cuddled at the feeling of his mothers face on his shoulder. He was so lucky to have a mother as good as her.
"It is such a relief to hear that you are well.. and now that I know me showing up made you this happy, I will be sure to do it again. I will come visit more often, I promise." His face was a bit blushed, but it made him feel good that he mattered that much to her. "So are you going to spend the rest of your day with Glamrock? I feel good knowing she takes such good care of you. You two get along so well." At least he didn't have to worry about his mother anymore! That also felt like a relief for him.
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Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 8:00 am
"If your father really bothers you, I think it's only a matter of time before you'll end up facing him. You have unspoken words to him. Words that probably need said regardless of how he might feel. She make sure that if such a time comes, you're ready for it. As for Glamrock, we were going to try to do some recruiting. She believes it's time for the herd to open up again for outsiders."
The mare took a step back as if acknowledging her son's coming departure. "Whatever you decide to do, do it with pride. You are a good stallion. You are loved and really, you are more special than you know. There's a brightness to you that may not be seen but it can be felt. Do visit again, when you can."
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