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A poem I wrote for a contest. May I have opinions?

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senuca

Profitable Prophet

PostPosted: Tue Nov 13, 2007 12:11 pm


Like the subject says, I wrote a Poem for a competition. Luckily, I won first prize smile I RULE! **ahem** anyway, as I was saying, It was based on Dreams. So I thought the opposite, that was Nightmares. I want to be an English teacher when I'm older, and if i'm going to be one, I need to start acting like one sweatdrop Could people give me HONEST oppinions please?
Feeling…empty
Seeing…nothing
Hearing…nobody
Don't cry, laugh, shout or cheer

Staring blankly at the wall ahead,
The ground, the air, there‘s nothing there,
Blot it from your memory
Erase all thoughts
Carry on as if nothing’s happened,
Don't be scared any more…
It's not real.

Sitting there alone again,
The tears stream down her face.
Shivering in the cold night air,
Trying to forget the pain.
Its still there, it doesn’t go away

Alone in this cruel world of ours,
The screams that cant be heard.
No one there to help, or notice,
No chance of being disturbed.
Pain, confusion, depression, desperation.
Every emotion ever known,

Eyes red and blurry from all the tears.
Alone in a world, facing all of her fears
Nothing but memories of what the night held
The painful reminder of the Nightmare World.
PostPosted: Tue Nov 13, 2007 7:14 pm


Of course.

Momochaos
Captain


Jandiel

Dedicated Shapeshifter

PostPosted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 7:26 am


Sure thing o.O... congrats on the first prize ;3
PostPosted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 8:10 am


smile thanks. I'll just post my poem at the top of the page smile

senuca

Profitable Prophet


Icrat
Vice Captain

PostPosted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 8:22 am


This skin is a nuisance.This skin that separates you and me...

*applauds* very pretty ^^

It sent a shiver up my spine D:

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 9:20 am


smile thanks smile

senuca

Profitable Prophet


Momochaos
Captain

PostPosted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 5:59 pm


I'm not a poetry expert, but it sounds like a nightmare tends to feel. o_o;
And congrats on winning. ^^
PostPosted: Thu Nov 15, 2007 5:13 pm


That is so good! Congrats on winning.

Memory Earth


Jandiel

Dedicated Shapeshifter

PostPosted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 8:01 am


Not bad at all! Having an alternative approach to a topic most likely turned the scales on your side (wish such an approach would help me at school as well >_>; ). Write more =3, you cartainly have somewhat talent that shouldn't be left ignored ;3
PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2007 7:45 am


heart thanks! heart
I didn't even tell my form tutor... he only noticerd when my name was in the newsletter.

senuca

Profitable Prophet


chases_the_rain

Lonely Shapeshifter

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 29, 2008 5:15 pm


It's a bit cliche --- invent some different descriptions of your own to make it feel original --- that's all --- don't get me wrong, i did like it
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