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 Posted: Sat Nov 10, 2007 11:38 pm
i have been reborn and will now survive
for i have seen the light and it has made me blind
the girls i chased and and the lies i told
are things of my distant past
i am a sinner among saints and a sheep among the shepherds
i live a black life, bleak life, a life of incoherency
my wrists remain intact, and i can't tie a noose
for i am above the fads
i now seek the world where once i hid from it
the walls of my mind have fallen
and now the spectrum of life floods each decision
i feel again after my time of numbness
and the feeling of a heartbeat is the most beautiful thing
while i remain deep person i was
my mental pool now has shallows for wading
the darkness within has been exorcised by the light
and i will remain with my heart being the darkest shade of white
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Posted: Wed Jan 16, 2008 6:16 pm
sooo. i changed it up a bit. It was extremely good, but it seemed like the poem went from a horrid life to seeing the light to fast. I'm sorry if you were attached to it the way it was, or if i wasnt supposed to change it up.
It does seem rude to change it, though...i mean, it was yours and i wouldnt want someone to take a poem of mine and stretch it out and everything....
ya'know, i am usually rude without thinking, but i dunno if u are easily insulted. So if you want it, tell me. because im not going to post it....
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Posted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 2:59 pm
that's great
I do agree that your transition is a bit quick but that's a brilliant poem and, imo, a great concept too.
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