Below are listed all the entries. I'm... not really sure what judging scheme we should use. Seraphly suggested everyone give their top three for each and why (and then discuss, I guess). If anyone else thinks we should use a different method, say so soon so we can decide.
Also, post your critiques in here, and I'll organize them and post them in the main thread once judging is finished.
Judges names won't be attached to critiques when they're posted, but they're attached here so I know who I still need critiques from.
Entries
Poetry
First: Issari
Second: M u s e
Third: Nailo_Lullaby
•WingedComanche - Broken Wings, Un-repaired Dreams
•ManateeMan - A word to questers*
Astaire - Manateeman could have conceivably gotten third if he didn't neglect to choose a specific item. That said, while his poem has a clear theme, it abuses commas (too many/not enough) and generally sounds trite and cliche. I guess it would work as one of those poems they put on motivational posters, but I can't see it working anywhere else. His rhythm is decent, though, and his rhyming fits the poem.
ambiguitylotus - This poem would have gotten the real 3rd place if only he focused on one specific item instead of the vague "donations". Furthermore, this poem abuses commas, splitting up sentences incorrectly, putting commas where they don't belong, etc.. And why is there a hyphen after "questing" in the last line of the poem? It should NOT be there, although it seems as if the contestant wanted to place it there to create a pause. But with the rhyming scheme, I don't think it'll work out. Finally, I have to cringe with the cliches used in the poem; the message/feeling I get from this poem echoes that of the famous Three Musketeers: "all for one and one for all".
Despite all of that, I like the fact that he captured the essence of "questers", which everyone can relate to here on Gaia. His rhyming scheme fits with the poem and flows fairly well.
•Issari - Caged spirit falcon* = 13
Astaire - I appreciate her poem for its interesting use of alliteration. It works well with the overall concept. Also, I think she captured the essence of her item better than any of the other contestants, though her punctuation and clarity do leave a little something to be desired.
ambiguitylotus - This poem has serious issues with comma rules and fragments; it reads like a long run-on sentence fragment as noted with one period at the end of the entire poem. Other issues include spelling errors (which could be easily solved by using a spell-checker) and the incorrect usage of homonyms ("its" vs. "it's").
However, she captured the essence of her item better than any of her fellow contestants. I appreciated the fact that she used a few poetic devices such as alliteration and experimentation with sounds (rhyming words). She also created a sense of dynamic/motion in the poem.
•Nailo_Lullaby - Elven Ears = 7
•M u s e - Dear Kitsune Mask* = 9
Astaire - The repetition may be a bit too much, and I'm not thrilled about her lack of punctuation and the fact that she misspelled "truly", but she has a decent rhyme scheme and I appreciate her clarity. Also, the poem does seem to have a decent grasp of what would be an "ode" format. The lack of imagery severely irks me, though.
ambiguitylotus - This poem is just slightly better than Nailo_Lullaby's because it didn't overuse repetition. However, it is lacking in punctuation. I did not like the way the commas were used in the poem; they made some parts of the poem read choppily. Other poetic devices included rhyme and the fact that it was written like an ode. So, I'll give a small credit to those things, even though there is little stimulation for me to engage in the poem itself. Also, "truely" is misspelled. And who in the world would be using "thee"s in speech nowadays? Wrong century!!
•kohana28 - A Quest
Prose
First: Symphonica
Second: The_Scaly_Bard
Third: The Love Mutt
•Imalane - It's not Naruto!*
knight_of_chivalry - The story written by Imalane was completely random and was impossible to become interested in. Worlds other than our own only work in short stories if they are well introduced and accounted for. Which this did not. It seemed comical and childish, and... just too... what's the word..... fake. You can't lose yourself in it, you aren't there next to the characters, even while reading it your still sitting on your computer eating a tub of ice cream for your dinner. Not fun.
Zeo - It goes without saying that "It's Not Naruto," while vaguely cute, did not employ a very good sense of subtlety and was much too talk-about-the-item oriented. Given that this was my biggest criteria for determining my choices, this one didn't even get consideration after seeing the other ones.
days - My biggest issue with this story was the use of capital letters and multiple punctuation. These two things seem to put me off when I read something, and I would advise you to avoid them at any cost. You should be able to get the emotion across without using multiple punctuation and capital letters, in your narration. Otherwise, I can understand your frustration with people calling the band by that name. It shows the way that particular anime has corrupted people's minds.
•The_Scaly_Bard - Superior Theft* = 6.5 + 7 + 8.6 = 22.1
knight_of_chivalry - I couldn't get into this story as well as the other ones. Sci Fi is kindof like Pacman - its easy to learn to do, but hard to master. Which is the case here. With any other genre, this story could've been a lot better - however, because there were things and terms coming out of nowhere (Immortal droid bodies, etc) that were not fully explained or accounted for, and their appearence was not built up - they just appeared out of nowhere. Also, the main character single handedly beat up a large amount of people without taking any damage for himself, making the eventual ending predictable. If it was more... things were going well but then the body malfunctioned and he got hit and had to drag himself to the science lab, or something like that, it might have made it more interesting. But as it is, it bored me.
Zeo - What I was looking for was a sense of subtlety. It's easy to write something that says "itemitemitem," but I was looking for pieces that used the item creatively in the story. I felt like "Superior Theft" (which is also a creative title) had an interesting story with the item as a key aspect of the plot. It didn't need to convey a sense of desperation for wanting the item; rather, it used the item in an interesting way without being too obvious. There were some language issues, but not ones that couldn't be fixed up. In regards to content, I do think that KOC had some good points about the subject matter (which I agree with mostly), but this one gets first place for me because of the way the item was used as part of the story.
days - I loved the way you used the item in this. At first, I had it confused with the Mecha Form, but then it dawned on me that it was the Superior Form instead (I get them mixed up). One problem, though: You didn't use it much, but words and phrases all in capital letters tend to put me off from the story. I would advise you not to use them if possible, and try to show the emotion or urgency in your narration instead.
•The Love Mutt - Job Description* = 8 + 5 + 8.2 = 21.2
knight_of_chivalry - Another good story. It had a good flow and I could get into reading it easily. The reason why I wouldn't give it first is because she seemed to try to write it almost like a poem or (more like) a William Shatner imposter ( Like. Every. Word. Is. One. Sentence ) on at least one occasion - grammatically incorrect, and it took away from the overall quality and enjoyability of the story.
Also, throughout the whole story the main character is a psychiatrist... and then at the end, she's a part-time ballerina as a hobby.
???
That one came out of nowhere... its an outlier, and should be removed or more fully explained.
Zeo - I had some issues with this one. The style of the prose seemed based off the style of Chuck Palahniuk or some similar technique, but I don't feel it was done efficiently. That said, I did like the examination of a psychiatrist's mind (although I have to ask, why was s/he eating ramen on that kind of paycheck?!) and I liked the reference to past experiences. The item, then, was mentioned in the story in an interesting way (relating to the character's "motivation" or past love). Once again, it was brought into the story creatively rather than blandly or obviously. (In regards to KOC's comment about the ballerina bit--to me, it didn't feel out of place. It felt like the MC had given up a passion to pursue a "lucrative" career (but still ate ramen?), and the ballet toe shoes were relating to his/her memories and desires of the past.)
days - I liked the narration throughout the story, but I think the parantheticals could have been left out. I also think the pun you threw in there would be better if it was not in all-caps; it would blend in better like that. And if you meant to put emphasis on it, use italics instead of all-caps. They sort of throw me off when I read a story.
•Symphonica - Butterfly* = 8.5 + 6.9 + 8.2 = 23.6
knight_of_chivalry - I liked the general flow of the story and the imagery used. It actually grabbed me and pulled me inside the story; what's more, it was actually believable. For example, the death of the mother was built up - she got thinner and thinner, poorer and poorer, etc etc. Then she died. Not she just died out of nowhere after getting stabbed by some random person, like I've seen in some stories and which annoy the fudgsicle sticks out of me...
The only thing I was unsure about was the haiku's throughout the story... they seemed superficial, and didn't really contribute to the story. Besides, the third one had an incorrect syllable count of 5, 8, 5 (its supposed to be 5, 7, 5). But this wasn't big enough for it to lose its first place.
So, the moral of my rant is that the story made sense, it had good flow, and was written well enough to capture my attention.
Zeo - Good use of emotion, good use of language. The sense of hardship was powerful and meaningful. Again, there was a decent sense of subtlety, with the item playing a role in the story rather than being described outright. It had a very nice place in the story, as well.
days - You were worried about your usage of the item being to little, and I think it was. To be honest, the end of the story left me a bit confused, and I felt like it ended too quickly. I was expecting there to be some weird family curse or blessing or something, where they all got the butterfly wings, but instead, it was just the mother, and that made it seem a bit out of place.
*Critiques requested
Judges
(This is just to help allii keep track of who she's got stuff from.)
Poetry:
• Astaire - scores and critiques
• Seraphly - scores
• ambiguitylotus - scores and critiques
Prose:
• knight_of_chivalry - scores and critiques
• Zeo - scores and critiques
• days - scores and critiques
