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A random poem. It needs a title, though.

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Kumiko-Sensei

PostPosted: Sat Oct 20, 2007 4:27 pm


It is throught your words that I am reborn,
Through your thoughts I am recreated
I am fed by the lips of the minority,
Mouthing along to whatever words I spit out
I am fuled by hatred of my past
Living on a faint memory
And I'll say that I'm okay now
Even though I'm not
I will never be a real person
Just an unborn wish
A creation of a childs mind
In desperation or lonlieness
A phantom of your thoughts
I live life behind a broken door
Therapy is just a reason to get me out
I am left writhing in the darkness
In arms riddled with scars
Together we may move away from sanity
Packing up a bag of sarcasm and indifference
Black flowers bloom in our footprints
Leaving our hearts nailed to the walls
Along with our beaten and abused bodies
We make a new path in the clouds
Never stopping, merely sinking


Yeah, it really needs a title, so if you have any ideas, please tell me. There was just so many different things in it, I wasn't sure. sweatdrop

Criticism much appreciated 3nodding
PostPosted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 5:00 pm


Kumiko-Sensei
It is throught your words that I am reborn.

Through your thoughts I am recreated.
I am fed by the lips of the minority,
Mouthing along to whatever words I spit out.
I am feuled by the hatred of my past.
Living on a faint memory.
And I'll say that I'm okay now,
Even though I'm not.
I will never be a real person;
Just an unborn wish.
A creation of a child's mind
In desperation or lonlieness.
A phantom of your thoughts.
I live life behind a broken door.
Therapy is just a reason to get me out.
I am left writhing in the darkness,
In arms riddled with scars.
Together we may move away from sanity,
Packing up a bag of sarcasm and indifference.
Black flowers bloom in our footprints
Leaving our hearts nailed to the walls.
Along with our beaten and abused bodies,
We make a new path in the clouds.
Never stopping, merely sinking.

Yeah, it really needs a title, so if you have any ideas, please tell me. There was just so many different things in it, I wasn't sure. sweatdrop

Criticism much appreciated 3nodding


The only thing wrong with this poem is the puncuation. Other than that, it's beautiful! I might be off on some of the puncuation though. I just put periods and commas in while a read it, I might be wrong.

And sorry, I have no idea what you could name this piece. =/ I bet the inspiration will come to you sooner or later.

FavouriteFavour


luna_luv_manga

PostPosted: Mon Dec 31, 2007 5:48 pm


I loved you poem! It flowed very well, and had a deap meaning in it. however the punctuation is a bit off, so just get that up to scratch, and you'll have one awsome poem!
PostPosted: Mon Apr 21, 2008 2:16 pm


I think that the title- I Am would work, because there are quite a few sentences that start with "I am..." so maybe that will work?
Wonderful poem, I really liked it, the punctuation is something that needs work on, but otherwise wonderfully written!

Savannah Cullen


MoDeStTrUtH

PostPosted: Sat May 24, 2008 5:07 am


Huh... Seems to me like only emo stuff gets attention in this guild.
PostPosted: Tue Jun 17, 2008 9:48 am


i thought it was beautiful

PixieSunBelle

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For Your Poetic and Lyrical Entertainment

 
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