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 Posted: Fri Oct 19, 2007 3:08 am
[url=http://news.independent.co.uk/uk/this_britain/article3075682.ece]Article[/url] What should be the happiest days of a mother's life are actually the loneliest, according to a survey that has looked at the year which follows having a baby. Two-thirds of mothers said their new babies wreaked havoc on their personal and social lives, while more than half said they were left feeling "lonely and isolated". Modern lifestyles are making motherhood more of a challenge, as people live further and further from their support network of friends and relatives. The investigation into motherhood said: "Hour after hour with an adorable but demanding baby who frequently cries and rarely sleeps is a considerable challenge for all new mums, but feeling isolated from their family and their old life is the hardest thing to cope with. Less than a third of mothers with a baby get hands-on support from their own mum at least once a week. On the in-laws front, more than a third never help."This detachment from human contact bred resentment between mothers and their partners, with more than two-thirds of mums saying they were annoyed by the fact that their partner's social lives had not had to suffer as much. As a result, a quarter of new mothers said their relationship had "gone downhill" since having a baby, with one in 20 splitting up as a result. This doesn't really surprise me, and it just proves once again that raising a child is definitely no walk in the park - no matter what the teens who "won't murder" their kids think, or the pro-lifers who paint the rosy picture of motherhood say. The truth is in the facts, and the facts say that it's a stressful unhappy time.
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Posted: Fri Oct 19, 2007 3:28 am
That sounds about right, it certainly explains how I felt in the first few years of my sons life.
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Posted: Fri Oct 19, 2007 6:23 am
I don't see why anyone would want a child.
They are a bad decision in almost any way you look at it.
Financially: Your financial returns on the 400k investment will never be returned even marginally. This is not to mention the 100-200k additional money you could have earned had you invested that 400k instead of spending it on a child.
Emotionally: As can be seen above, children can ruin a marriage, they ruin social lives, they drain you physically and emotionally, and this is only as infants. As they grow up you will be rewarded with your pride in your child's accomplishments, but most children are average and god forbid your child be one of those below average who ends up a disappointment or in legal trouble (that you are financially responsible for). As adults they leave you and call once every few weeks only to throw you in a home when you are elderly.
For ever reward/benefit a child brings the amount of loss/detriment is so low that you end up worse off than had you not had a child (I start out living a life that is an 8, I have a child and it brings me down to a 4, when it does good things it brings me up to a 6... well a 6 is still less than the original 8 ). Not to mention there are substitutes for nearly every 'reward' you get from a child:
Companionship - a dog, your spouse, your fruitful social life
Love - A dog, your spouse
Being a nuturer/parent - a dog, a plant/guarden, your sibling's children
Pride - be proud of yourself, your spouse, hell your show-dog/show-cats
Care in your old age - no guarantee your kids would do this, save the money and care for yourself.
Leaving a mark on the world - do it yourself.
Really, I don't understand why someone would actively choose to have children knowing all this. Those that do, good for you, I'm glad you like children and want to surrender those other positive things in your life because you find the benefits of children to be that great... but studies tend to show that the negatives are a lot lower than you think, and the reality is the benefits are not nearly as wonderful.
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Posted: Fri Oct 19, 2007 7:09 am
I want to have children, some day...
But honestly, the more and more I read about what mothers face the more I think that maybe I shouldnt. I mean, I'm only 21 now so who knows what the future will hold. But jeeze... with the evidence piling up, maybe I should reconsider it.
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Posted: Fri Oct 19, 2007 7:51 am
caffinated_tulip I want to have children, some day... But honestly, the more and more I read about what mothers face the more I think that maybe I shouldnt. I mean, I'm only 21 now so who knows what the future will hold. But jeeze... with the evidence piling up, maybe I should reconsider it. My sentiments exactly.
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Posted: Fri Oct 19, 2007 8:30 am
I'm 20, and I know I want kids. I know it will be no walk in the park, but I love children, and I love taking care of them. I currently work in childcare! And I love it. It's frustrating, exhausting, and very rewarding, in the most intangible sense possible.
It'll be even harder to have kids of my own... but, damn, I want them... I can't even articulate why, I just know I do.
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Posted: Fri Oct 19, 2007 9:00 am
In spite of everything that kinda puts me off (pregnancy, childbirth, exhaustion) I want to be a mother someday. And I have since I was fourteen. I just see children in my future. Whilst I realise the optimistic picture in my head may not always match up with the reality (which I am prepared to accept as well) I just want children of my own. And adopted ones. I'd love to be rich and adopt loads of children. If not I might become a foster parent, although that's pretty tough to get into - and maybe even harder going, since any child that ends up with you could be there for any length of time, will arrive quickly and leave quickly.
But yes, two my own, and two not would be ideal for me I think.
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Posted: Fri Oct 19, 2007 10:00 am
RoseRose I'm 20, and I know I want kids. I know it will be no walk in the park, but I love children, and I love taking care of them. I currently work in childcare! And I love it. It's frustrating, exhausting, and very rewarding, in the most intangible sense possible. It'll be even harder to have kids of my own... but, damn, I want them... I can't even articulate why, I just know I do. See, I support that. You know you want them, you know why, and you know the reality of the situation (that it won't be easy or fun all the time). The sad fact is, most people don't have even a tiny idea what it is really like... they think they do... but they don't and then you get women like these in this study who are blindsided by the reality of childbirth when, while pregnant and before, everyone else was busy making them think it would be the best thing ever as if they were in on a conspiracy to be sure she is just as miserable as they are.
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Posted: Fri Oct 19, 2007 11:06 am
Even more statistical backup that supports my want to live a childfree life! I'm glad someone finally put numbers to it.
Now I've just gotta figure out what exactly caused my phobia of small children...my phobia of pregnancy/childbirth shouldn't even be considered a phobia considering what childbirth actually involves..
You guys are right, a lot of people really DO sugarcoat it..horribly. No wonder it's considered abnormal to be intensely afraid of it, it's made out to be minor, a happy moment of straight bliss and relief..but it's not. When I look at it, how the hell is it normal NOT to be afraid of going through all that pain and stress..and having your body physically TORN open, all while being vulnerable and at the mercy of mother nature? It sounds like a cruel scene from some kind of sadistic horror movie to me..not to mention the 18 years of service that comes afterwards.
No motherhood for me..bleehh..
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Posted: Fri Oct 19, 2007 1:59 pm
Talon-chan I don't see why anyone would want a child. They are a bad decision in almost any way you look at it. Financially: Your financial returns on the 400k investment will never be returned even marginally. This is not to mention the 100-200k additional money you could have earned had you invested that 400k instead of spending it on a child. Emotionally: As can be seen above, children can ruin a marriage, they ruin social lives, they drain you physically and emotionally, and this is only as infants. As they grow up you will be rewarded with your pride in your child's accomplishments, but most children are average and god forbid your child be one of those below average who ends up a disappointment or in legal trouble (that you are financially responsible for). As adults they leave you and call once every few weeks only to throw you in a home when you are elderly. For ever reward/benefit a child brings the amount of loss/detriment is so low that you end up worse off than had you not had a child (I start out living a life that is an 8, I have a child and it brings me down to a 4, when it does good things it brings me up to a 6... well a 6 is still less than the original 8 ). Not to mention there are substitutes for nearly every 'reward' you get from a child: Companionship - a dog, your spouse, your fruitful social life Love - A dog, your spouse Being a nuturer/parent - a dog, a plant/guarden, your sibling's children Pride - be proud of yourself, your spouse, hell your show-dog/show-cats Care in your old age - no guarantee your kids would do this, save the money and care for yourself. Leaving a mark on the world - do it yourself. Really, I don't understand why someone would actively choose to have children knowing all this. Those that do, good for you, I'm glad you like children and want to surrender those other positive things in your life because you find the benefits of children to be that great... but studies tend to show that the negatives are a lot lower than you think, and the reality is the benefits are not nearly as wonderful. Don't forget that kids are nerve-wracking and EXTREMELY annoying. They scream and cry and run around like little shits. My two-year-old cousin didn't get orange juice at Thanksgiving (because he was sick and it was bad for his stomach) and he just started crying at the table. I have to deal with hearing my cousins' screams and cries and thumping around upstairs every weekend. If Oki and I had kids, it would be a toss-up to determine who lost it and throttled the kid first. Also, a cat is fine too >_>
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Posted: Fri Oct 19, 2007 6:04 pm
"Who needs kids when you have cats!" is my favorite saying. whee
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Posted: Fri Oct 19, 2007 6:34 pm
Seeing the Kraken [url=http://news.independent.co.uk/uk/this_britain/article3075682.ece]Article[/url] This detachment from human contact bred resentment between mothers and their partners, with more than two-thirds of mums saying they were annoyed by the fact that their partner's social lives had not had to suffer as much. As a result, a quarter of new mothers said their relationship had "gone downhill" since having a baby, with one in 20 splitting up as a result. This doesn't really surprise me, and it just proves once again that raising a child is definitely no walk in the park - no matter what the teens who "won't murder" their kids think, or the pro-lifers who paint the rosy picture of motherhood say. The truth is in the facts, and the facts say that it's a stressful unhappy time. The part I kept is very true for me. My soon to be ex-boyfriend does whatever the hell he wans while I'm stuck at home to take care of Kaiya all the time, with no break, unless of course I'm working. (cough a*****ecough) Motherhood has made me way more pro-abortion-if-you-don't-really-really-really-really-want-to-be-a-parent. I was rather stupid and believed the whole "we can make it work, we'll get through it, everything will be fine" spiel. It sure was for him, because as far as I'm concerned I'm a single parent, and even if I wasn't, parenthood isn't easy, and it's certainly not always fun. My advice would be, unless you really want to be a parent and you feel ready (though of course no one can ever be totally ready) don't do it.
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Posted: Fri Oct 19, 2007 10:01 pm
LadyInWhite "Who needs kids when you have cats!" is my favorite saying. whee The way I see it, a cat gets you a better return on the whole "pitter-patter of little feet" situation... four feet per unit, instead of two! xd
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Posted: Fri Oct 19, 2007 10:19 pm
MGadda LadyInWhite "Who needs kids when you have cats!" is my favorite saying. whee The way I see it, a cat gets you a better return on the whole "pitter-patter of little feet" situation... four feet per unit, instead of two! xd Cats are also cute and fuzzy, and do awesomely crazy antics. My cat loves to chase after bugs, it's hilarious to watch her jump about six feet up to try and get a fly.
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Posted: Fri Oct 19, 2007 11:09 pm
Lord Setar MGadda LadyInWhite "Who needs kids when you have cats!" is my favorite saying. whee The way I see it, a cat gets you a better return on the whole "pitter-patter of little feet" situation... four feet per unit, instead of two! xd Cats are also cute and fuzzy, and do awesomely crazy antics. My cat loves to chase after bugs, it's hilarious to watch her jump about six feet up to try and get a fly. my cat makes cute little chirping noises whenever he jumps. :3 he pisses me off sometimes, though. for example, he'll be eating his catfood and decide he doesn't like some peices of it so he'll throw them all over the floor. whenever i walk in the kitchen after he eats i get catfood stuck to my socks. i can't imagine how crazy a kid would drive me. >.> i've known since i was little that motherhood was a royal pain in the a**. that might have something to do with the fact that my mom was a single parent raising 3, and eventually 4 kids. i really have no ******** idea how she kept her sanity through it. if i was a religious person, i'd nominate her for sainthood. =/
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