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One of my friends is having relationship problems, and decided to dump it on me. I don't even know what to tell her.

Let me present it to you guys, maybe you can help.

My friend, Person A, is in a relatively new relationship with Person B. Person A has had few relationships, is pretty straightlaced, and very vulnerable. Person B is a little wilder, more experienced, and seems to care deeply for Person A. Person A doesn't like that Person B uses and abuses drugs and alcohol, and tells Person B that they would like Person B to stop using drugs for Person B's health. A few days later, Person B tells Person A that they are giving up drugs and alcohol "for you". Person A is initially overjoyed, but then realizes that Person B should be giving up drugs for themselves. Person A then feels guilty and feels that they are forcing Person B to change.

Person A spoke to one of their friends, and the friend recommended that Person A dump Person B immediately before Person B starts using Person A. However, Person A really cares for Person B. Person A is confused and guilty, and doesn't want to hurt Person B. What should Person A do?

Holy crap, I've used the word "person" so many times, it barely feels like a word anymore.

Anyway, help me help Person A. I don't know s**t about relationships.

Well, one's concerned enough for the other to voice their complaints... and the other's concerned enough for the feelings for the first to listen to said complaints, and probably act on them...

So, they both care for each other, and both seem to respect the other's feelings...

So why in the name in hell should the first person break up with the second? o_o



I mean, if I'm missing something... then disregard what I said, however, if their relationship is based on caring and trust, then I see no reason for it to be broken, nor do I see anything wrong with it as is... o.o

and I'm curious as to how the hell person A's friend thinks that person B will "use" person A, when person B wants to do things to make person A happy? o_o

In that case, I really couldn't tell ya anything, without knowing what's going on...

If Person B doesn't intend to quit, then person B's lies would definitely be harmful to person A... and that would show a bit of disrespect from "B" to "A"

However, if "B" does intend to quit, and does care for "A" then there's nothing wrong at all, and from the way you described it, it sounds like the latter (but, still can't tell unless I could "examine" the relationship in it's entirety)

And, if "A" manages to get "B" to quit for ANY reason, then it's better than if "B" hadn't quit, even if "B" goes back, "A" can't really hold his/herself accountable since without "A's" involvement, "B" would still be doing drugs, and wouldn't have had that reprieve during their relationship... And if "B" (if the relationship splits) doesn't go back to drugs, then "A's" actions did something really good, even if it was only "for you"...

And yes, many drug abusers do have a tendency to manipulate people, however, they're just people to, and they can care for others, and can quit so that lives (both their own and others) are made better...

And one more thing... I wouldn't be surprised if the "psych major" was over analyzing the situation, as my psychologists are prone to do...

And one more note (don'tcha love the ands? ^_^) just what kind of "drug abuse" is person "B" dealing with? I mean, the term "abuse" can be tossed about kinda lightly in our society, and if it's something like a drink every now and then, or a puff of marijuana (ignoring the illegality here...) here or there, then I really wouldn't think the term "abuse" applies, though someone in a relationship would likely use that term for their significant other, if they were only "occasionally" using drugs... I mean, I'm not saying that "B" doesn't have a problem, but "A" may be over stressing the severity of the situation...

But, going with the exact details you said at face value, it looks like they both care for each other, and they shouldn't break anything up, especially for something like one person actually listening to the other... ^_^( )

Okay... that sounds like a "drug abuse" issue to me, then... o_o

And... so "B" cheats on "A"? Maybe "B" doesn't care as much about "A" as it looks... but Iono...

The only real way that someone not in the relationship could tell is if "B" actually makes good on the quitting...

And "A" should know that yes, forcing someone around isn't good, but keeping quiet when there's a problem is just as bad... o.o

Well, there is a problem, and "A" shouldn't feel guilty for both trying to make "B" stop a self-destructive habit, nor should "A" feel guilty for standing up for what she wants... There may be a point in which a person in a relationship is too forceful, but "A" doesn't sound like they're anywhere near that point, especially since she's wondering if she was... if she really was too forceful, then she probably wouldn't be wondering if she was... ^_^

Yeah. Admittedly, A can overreact. Remember, A is very unexperienced with relationships. A did tell B that when B said they were quitting drugs, it was the best thing A had ever heard. A says they plan to stick by B, and A thinks A's friend might be a little jaded.

Sib and Pixie already said most of what can be said on the subject but all I have to add is, people change only if they want to change. It doesn't matter what they say their reason is, they won't make a change unless they themselves want to somewhere inside.

The only reason Person A should dump person B is if Person B says "yeah, i'll change for you" but then never does anything different and keeps on with what they've been doing. But if Person B makes a real effort and does start to make a change, then there's no reason Person A should dump B because they're not being lied to.