The Joke Thread!

[Rage Against the Couch]

I have one like that

What do you call a bear wearing earmuffs.

Anything you want! It can't hear you.  

[Cheesy Nipplesv2]

There's loads of different ways to tell that one I think.


What do you call a sheep with no legs?

A cloud  

[Cheesy Nipplesv2]

2 Dwarves pull two girls and take them home. The first dwarf cant get it up and to make things worse all night all he can hear is the 2nd dwarf saying "Here I come again. 1, 2, 3... Uuuuh"

In the morning 1st dwarf says "how embarrassing, I didnt even get an erection"
2nd dwarf says "you think thats bad, I couldn't even get on the bed!"  

[Reeves]

Jesus said to a crowd ready to stone an adulteress, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."

Suddenly, a stone flew out of the crowd and hit the woman. Jesus turned around and shouted, "Damn it, Mother! You spoil everything!"  

[Nu Lucrezia]

Q: what do you call a french man wearing sandals?
A: Philipe Philop.  

[Cheesy Nipplesv2]

How many elephants can you get into a mini?
4
How many Rhino's can you get in a mini?
None, it's full of elephants.  

[Rage Against the Couch]

Nu Lucrezia

Q: what do you call a french man wearing sandals?
A: Philipe Philop.

Haha, I had to sit there and think about it for a minute xD  

[Meacorme]

A blonde joke, if you will. Sorry to blondes in the BK!

A mailman is delivering the mail when he says a blonde girl running out to the mailbox, open it, and then run back inside.

Confused, he continues going along the street, and the girl does the same thing, going to her mailbox, opening it, and then running back inside.

This happens 3 or 4 more times until the mailman reaches her house, and he stops her the next time, asking, "Why do you keep rushing out here and checking your mailbox?"

The blonde replies, "Well, my computer keeps telling me, 'You've got mail!'"  

[Reeves]

What game do cows play at parties?


Moosical chairs!  

[Cheesy Nipplesv2]

What's a frogs favorite drink?

Croak a Cola.  

[Ribbish]

Why did the Blonde have a bruised belly button?

Hey, Blonde guys are dumb too!

(Little revenge for all them blondes XD)

(Also, apologies to the blonde guys)  

[Cheesy Nipplesv2]

What does a Cannibal do once he's dumped his girlfriend?

Wipe his bum  

[Cheesy Nipplesv2]

God appears to a man and tells him to get into heaven he needs to give up beer fags and sex. The man agrees.

A week later God reappears to the man and asks how it's going. The man says "the beer and fags were easy but when my wife bent over to take meat out the freezer, I couldn't resist and had to give her one."

God says they dont like that sort of thing in heaven.

The man says "They dont like it in WalMart either."  

[Ribbish]

3 men died on the same day and went to heaven.
1 is a priest, another a thief and the last is a lawyer.

when they reach the gate, they met St Peter,

St Peter told them, "Due to the limited vacancy in heaven, each of u has to prove your worth before entering."

The priest asked: "How can we prove our worth?"

He replied, "i will ask each of you a question and if u can answered them, u may pass."

The thief said, "Fair enough, shoot your question."

St Peter turns to the priest and asked, "What is the name of the ship that hits the iceberg and sink?"

The priest replied, "That's easy, is the Titanic."

St Peter nods, "You may pass."

He turns to the thief, "How many perished when she sinks?"

The thief who has just recently read on Titanic replied, "Whew! Fortunately, i just read about it, is 1517."

St Peter nods and let the thief pass.

The lawyer thought to himself, "I have just watched Titanic, this should be easy as pie, how hard can it gets?"

St Peters turns to the lawyer and said..


"Name them."