|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 7:26 pm
I was browsing this joke site.
And I found a couple really good ones, imo.
Here are a few:
1.- A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants.
The bartender says to him "Duuude, you have a steering wheel in your pants!"
The pirate replies "Arrh! I know! It's driving me nuts!"
2.-A man walks into a bar and tells the bartender "If I show you something awesome, can I get free beer?"
The bartemder says yes, so the man pulls out a 12 inch piano and 12 inch pianist.
The bartender is amazed and asks the man where he got them
The man says "There's a genie outside the bar".
So the bartender goes outside to see the genie and asks him for a million bucks.
All of a sudden, a million ducks start to file in through the door.
The bartender tells the man genie was a total rip off.
The man with the piano says, "Well, he's partially deaf. Do you think I really asked for a 12-inch pianist?"
3.-One day, a blonde, a brunette, a redhead, a rabbi, a vicar, an englishmen, a scientist,
a lawyer, an accountant, an IRS agent, an indian, a cowboy, two dogs, a cat, an earthworm, a
robot, an alien, a fireman, and a father walks into a bar.
Then the bartender asks, "Huh? Is this supposed to be some kind of a joke?"
Discussion points:
Tell me how much you laughed {if you didn't laugh, LIE! wink }
Tell me other jokes, I'm in a silly mood.
Talk about jokes in general whee
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 7:47 pm
Ahahahahaha rofl
I don't have any good jokes... crying
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 8:01 pm
I loved the first one.
:3
I found it quite funny.
Q: What do you get if you divide the cirucmference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi!
One evening later the man walks again into the bar and says to the bartender, "Beer for me, and beer for everyone who is now in the bar."
In disgust, the bartender asks "What, no beer for me this time?"
"No," answers the man, "you get violent when you drink."
A Russian walks into a bar and orders a beer. "That will be one dollar," says the bartender. "One dollar!" the customer protests, "last week it was only fifty cents!" "Well," replies the bartender, "it's fifty cents for the beer and fifty cents for my service." Reluctantly, the customer gives the bartender a dollar, and is surprised when the bartender gives him back fifty cents and says, "We are out of beer."
How do you get two piano players to play in perfect unison?
Answer: Shoot one.
Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions.
The first guy says " I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know... Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist."
The second guy says "I'm a D.I.N.K, you know... Double Income, No Kids."
The third guy says, " I'm a R.U.B, you know... Rich, Urban, Biker."
They turn to the woman and ask her, " What are you? "
She replies: " I'm a WIFE, you know...
Wash, Iron, F**k, Etc."
Yeah... that was the best I could find. sweatdrop
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 5:42 pm
Three men stole from a villiage.
(A blonde, a brunette, and a red-head.)
They come upon a river and find a magic lamp.
So the rub it and a genie comes out.
"You each get one wish" he said.
So the red-head wishes for a rope, so he can swing across the river.
The genie grants it.
The brunette wishes for a boat, to row across the river.
The genie grants it.
The blonde man wishes he were smarter.
The genie grants his wish.
He turned into a woman and crossed the bridge.
A blonde, a brunette, and a red-head walk into the bathroom during prom and find a magic mirror.
If they tell the truth, they get one wish.
If they lie, they disappear forever.
The brunette goes to the mirror and says "I'm the prettiest girl in the world!"
POOF! She disappears.
The red-head goes up ro the mirror and says "I don't think I'm ugly, but I don't think I'm gorgeous."
She gets a new car.
The blonde goes up the mirror and says "...I think" and POOF!
She disappears.
Two muffins were in an oven and so one turns to the other.
"Dude! It's so hot in here!" he says.
The other looks at him and replies, "OHMYGOD! A talking muffin!"
A blonde girl, wearing headphones, walks into a barber one day and asks for a trim.
The barber asks, "Ma'am, could you take your headphones off please?"
She ignores him and he cut around them.
Two monthes later, she comes back in and asks for a trim.
He askes her again to please remove her headphones.
She ignores him and cuts around them.
Two more monthes later, she comes in and asks for a trim.
"Ma'am remove your headphones."
She ignores him.
Fed up, the barber yanks the headphones off her head and she dies.
He holds one of the speakers up to his ear and hears the recoding:
"Breathe in, breathe out."
How do you get a one armed blonde fall out of a tree?
Wave to her.
I'm blonde, so I'm making fun of myself.
D:
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 6:19 pm
Dood, I heard the lamest joke in the world today.
What do you use to cut a chain with?
A chain saw.
It was so corny, I couldn't stop laughing.
But I love blonde jokes.
Especially since I'm blonde,
and have total blonde moments.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 6:43 pm
There's the dude and he comes home and he is drunk as ever and he goes up to bed and goes to sleep. All of a sudden an angel appears and the dude's like "Aw, you're here to tell me I'm dead, right?" and the angles says yes so he's lake "Aw man I haven't had a chance to tell my wife and kids how much I loved them or anything!" So the angel tell him he can come back to life as either a dog or a duck. So the dude says "Well my wife hates dogs so I think I'll be a duck." So the angel turns him into a duck and his wife finds him and takes him in along with the other ducks. After a few week he says to a duck "Aw man, I've been feeling this pressure in my stomach and it's really weird. What's wrong with me?" And the other duck tell him that means he has to lay and egg so he makes a nest and sits down and lays an egg and he's like "Wow, that felt good, but I think I have to lay another one" So he starts trying to lay another egg and then out of nowhere he hears "WAKE UP, WAKE UP! YOU'RE CRAPPING IN THE BED!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 6:48 pm
Takalian
How do you get two piano players to play in perfect unison?
Answer: Shoot one.
OMG rofl lol lmao lmso
rofl rofl rofl
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 6:51 pm
lol.
i like the pirate one.
i've got one.
there are two muffins in an oven.
one muffing says "ahhh! we're in an oven!"
the other one says "holy s**t a talking muffin!!"
i thought that was funny.
[[loserness]]
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 6:55 pm
A paraplegic walks into a bar.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 7:02 pm
Heh heh.
I know a million blond jokes, but I didn't want to offend anybody.
But I'mma post 'em here:
Q=How did the blond break her leg when she was raking leaves?
A=She fell out of the tree.
A blond woke up one day and decided to go ice fishing. So she got her equipment and capuccino and
headed for the ice. She sat down and started to pick at the ice, when she hears a voice from above
saying "There is no fish under the ice!" So, she picks up her things and moves to another spot and
begins to hack at the ice. Once again, the voice from above says "THERE IS NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
So the blond looks up and she says "...Is that you, God?" And the voice says
"No, I am the manager of the ice-skating rink!"
Once upon a time, a blond, a brunette and a redhead were stuck on a desert island. All of a sudden, a
genie appears and says he'll grant them each a wish. The redhead says "I wish to go home". And POOF, she
is home. The brunette says "I want to go home, too", and POOF, she's home. Then it's the blonds turn
and she says "I'm lonely, I wish the other two would come back."
Once upon a time, three blonds were stuck on an island. They really wanted to get back to their
home, which they could see easily from the island. So, one day one of them decides to swim back
home. She goes 10% of the way, gets tired and drowns. The next blond decides to try as well. She
goes 25% of the way, gets tired and drowns. The last blond sets out the very next day. She swims
50% of the way, doesn't want to die and thus, swims back.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 9:53 pm
Oh, I have a joke, for once. That is so wierd. I never have jokes. I'm gonna use colors, so it's not confusing.
A man goes to a bar at the top of a twelve-story building. He takes takes a seat next to the only guy in the bar, besides the bartender. The guy has three tequila shots in front of him. Suddenly, he takes a deep breathe, drinks all three shots, then jumps out the window. Five minutes later, the guy comes back up to the bar and orders three tequila shots. After he gets them, he sits there for a minute, then does it all again. Five minutes later, the guy came back up.
"How do you keep from dying?" the man asked him.
"Well, since your holding your breathe, you get lighter. Then the tequila shots interact with your system, and when you jump out the window, you float safely to the ground," the guy replied.
The man said, "I'm gonna try that." He then ordered three tequila shots. The man sat there for a minute, took a deep breathe, drank the shots, jumped out the window, and died.
The guy turns to smile at the bar tender, who is scowling at him. The bartender says, "You know, Superman, you're a real dickhead when you're drunk."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
