Went through some fanfics I saved to my computer
gonk curse you fanfic.net for takes somany away
stare btw this isn't mine
Seduction by the Stars
Author: Tao-Chan {wild_angel_76@hotmail.com}
Pairing: None in particular
Status: Finished
A parody!!! God, you've gotta love them. And this one's about Youji taking some sex tips from a book. It's hilarious I tell you.
“I’m home!” Ken called as he stepped in the door, taking off his soccer cleats. He saw a hand raise and wave over the back of the couch. He stepped over to look down at Youji, who was chewing on a Popsicle and reading a book.
Ken blinked. “Omi, you’ve grown.”
Youji gave him a bored glance over his sunglasses. Then his eyebrows perked.
“Ne, Ken, what sign of the zodiac are you?”
Ken blinked. “Um, Capricorn, I think.”
Youji flipped through the pages of the book. “Reliable, solid, practical, serious, disciplined, reserved, dignified…” Youji looked at Ken and started laughing. “Dignified, my a**!”
Ken frowned. “What the hell are you reading, my horoscope?”
“Now that would be telling,” Youji grinned and sat up. “Would you be willing to help a fellow out, Ken?”
“With what?”
“Just, react normally,” Youji grinned.
“Uh oh,” Ken backed up a few steps. Youji got to his feet, reading.
“And don’t you dare go anywhere,” he warned. Then he paused, looked at the book, looked at Ken, and back at the book again. A huge wicked grin spread across his face.
“I don’t think I’m going to like this,” Ken said worriedly.
“Capricorn, strongest sex drive of the zodiac?” Youji winked at him. “Why Ken, you never told us.”
“What?!” Ken demanded, and grabbed for the book. Youji held him off with a long arm or long leg, continuing to read.
“Stop reading that!” Ken yelled and Youji shoved the Popsicle into his mouth.
“Hush,” Youji scolded. “The master is at work.”
Ken stared at him with the Popsicle hanging out of his mouth. Youji placed the book down and brushed his hands off. He gave a small toss of his head and smiled at Ken.
“Mrf oh,” Ken pulled the Popsicle out of his mouth.
“Ken, can I tell you a secret?”
“My mommy’s calling me,” Ken said nervously.
“Stay!” Youji ordered, then softened his tone. “I’ll tell you my secret.
I’ve always wanted to be ravished under a wisteria vine on a hot summer night. I just want someone to take my away for a weekend, somewhere quiet where my tensions and inhibitions can just melt away.”
Ken started backing up quickly, but Youji followed him.
“I’ve never met a man or a woman imaginative enough to…just take me.”
Ken tripped over his own feet and crashed to the ground.
“Okay, how did that make you feel?” Youji asked eagerly. Ken held the melting Popsicle and just whimpered.
“No! I need more than that, were you excited, scared, or what?”
“Freaked,” Ken muttered.
“Bah!” Youji grabbed the book back up. “How about this one?”
Youji gave Ken a small smile. “Look, I really like you, and I’m attracted to you. I don’t know much about sex. I need someone to teach me.”
Youji sweatdropped to find Ken laughing his a** off.
“You??” Ken chortled. “Not know much about sex?”
“Okay, so the Capricorn stuff sucks,” Youji sighed. “Where the hell is that sex drive hiding in all this?”
He flipped through the pages of the book as Ken still laughed on the floor.
“Ah ha!” Youji jabbed his finger in the book. “You always seemed more like a Sagittarius to me.”
Sagittarius?” Ken chuckled. “Okay, this should be worth a laugh.”
Youji arched an eyebrow. “Hello! You’re a good friend. Friends compliment each other, Ken.”
Then he sighed. “But that’s right. You’re very Sagittarian. Which means often mouth opens before brain does.”
“Hey,” Ken frowned.
“Get up, I need you standing,” Youji motioned him up as he read. Ken snickered as he got up.
“This stuff is so lame. I can’t believe you’re using a book, Youji.”
Youji put the book down and turned to face him. Ken folded his arms and grinned at him. Youji stepped right up to him, looking at his face. Then suddenly threw his arms around him, and Ken squeaked to feel himself goosed.
“Get off me!” he shoved Youji away in a panic.
“Okay, so that’s out,” Youji sighed. “I think that one works better with women.”
“That was in the book?” Ken demanded.
“Oh yes,” Youji nodded. “Seduction Tip number one.”
“What kind of sick book-“
“Shush!” Youji put his hand up for silence. “Number two.”
Ken backed up as Youji stalked toward him.
“I’m not going to hurt you, Ken, relax, yeesh,” Youji looked at him sourly.
“You are such a prude.”
“Yeah, so?” Ken demanded. The next second, Youji was on him, pressing him up against the wall. Ken stared at him in a panic.
“Ken, you, and me, now. Right here. I can’t wait any longer.”
Ken flushed from neck to forehead and shoved Youji away, running out the door.
“Oh ho!” Youji grinned after him with hands on his hips. “Jackpot move!”
He picked up the highlighter and marked that paragraph. “Hmm, too bad he took off. I could have given the ‘Battlefield’ move a try.”
Then his head perked up. “Who better for the battlefield than Aya!”
He called down the hallway. “Ooohh, Aya!”
Aya’s door opened and he leaned his head out halfway, with that same bored/upset look he always wore.
“Hmm, identify battlezones: sweater, zipper, neck and ear,” Youji put the book down. Aya raised one eyebrow in an annoyed look. Youji stalked down the hallway.
“Aya, I challenge you!” Youji said in his most challenging voice.
“To what.”
“A game of…Scrabble!”
The door closed and Youji sweatdropped. “Okay, need better reason for battle.”
He hurried to grab a magazine from his room. “It’s a low blow, but oh well.”
He knocked on Aya’s door. Aya peeked out the slightly opened door.
“Aya! Your hair is out of fashion!”
Aya’s eyebrow perked.
“It says so right here,” Youji pointed at the magazine article. Aya looked at the article, then looked up.
“Why do you think I care?”
“Because you took the time to look at it,” Youji said seriously. Aya regarded him.
“And your point is?”
“You want a new hairstyle.”
“I don’t.”
“Sure you do.”
Aya narrowed his eyes.
*~*~*~*~*~*
Omi found Ken standing on the sidewalk in his socks.
“Ken-kun?” Omi blinked.
“Omi, Youji is going weird.”
“Weird, what do you mean?”
“He’s trying out sex moves from a book.”
Omi blinked. “Are you serious?”
“No, I like to stand on the sidewalk in my socks.”
Omi frowned. “He scared you that badly?”
“I wouldn’t go in there if I were you.”
Omi frowned at him and opened the door. No one was in the living room.
“It’s safe so far, Ken-kun.”
Ken peeked in the door. “Where’d he go?”
“Ouch!”
Eyes darted for the hallway. The two snuck down the hallway, hearing what sounded like a struggle in Aya’s room. Omi pushed open the door to find Aya on the floor and Youji over him with the hem of Aya’s sweater between his teeth, pulling it up. Aya had a hold of Youji’s hair and the hem of Youji’s shirt up nearly to his neck. Omi and Ken turned bright red.
“Okay, we’re fighting here, thank you,” Youji closed the door with his foot and the sounds of struggle continued. Ken and Omi stared at the door in shock. Numbly, they walked back out to the living room. Omi’s eyes fell on the book.
He opened it and began to look through it. “Oh my lord….”
“What?”
Omi looked up at him with wide eyes then back at the hallway. “Grab them, kiss them with vicious intent; rip their clothes off…”
Ken’s eyes nearly bugged out of his face. He grabbed the book. “You shouldn’t be reading this!”
They heard something crash in Aya’s room.
“Hmm,” Omi sweatdropped. “I’m…hungry…I’m going to go get lunch.”
“I’m coming with you,” Ken hurried to put his shoes on. The two fled the apartment.
*~*~*~*~*~*
When they returned, the house was quiet.
“I hope they’ve stopped fighting now,” Omi looked around. Aya’s door creaked open. Youji came crawling out of the room and down the hallway wrapped in a sheet. Omi and Ken backed up slowly.
Youji ignored them, and went for the book. A trembling hand grabbed the highlighter on the table.
“Motherlode move,” he highlighted the chapter, put the book back on the table and crawled back to Aya’s room.
“Okay, I’m running away from home now,” Omi sweatdropped.
“I’m coming with you,” Ken sweatdropped.
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