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 Posted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 7:08 pm
This is kind of a rant, but I need help.
Alright, so my girlfriend and I have been dating for 8 months now, and we are starting to get intimate. We only have done rubbing and touching, and she talks of having sex a lot. The problem is that she is a virgin and she hasn't even explored her own body. She has no idea how to tell me what feels good to her. I have asked her to at least try masturbating once for me, but she won't. Thats only one thing. I do things for her without question. Its really ticking me off. I asked her that almost 2 months ago, but she won't try it. How can we do anything if she doesn't know what feels right? It also has nothing to do with religious views either. I have tried fingering her once, and she made me stop very quickly. She told me that she masturbated, so I assumed that it involved insertion. But it didn't. I'm a virgin too, but I have explored my body, and I can tell her what feels good or not.
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Posted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 7:42 pm
Hmm. Have you asked her why she hasn't explored her body? Perhaps she sees it as messy or when she has masturbated, she didn't get real far into it and never felt "what the big deal is all about."
Here's my view:
Before I became sexually active, I hadn't masturbated either. I saw it as messy and not worth the work unless another person was involved. I became known as a tease to my boyfriend because I did want to try sexual things, but when it came down to it I wanted to pause. This lasted (miraculously) for over a year, until I finally jumped and went with it. He was patient but it did annoy him because every time he thought he was going to get some. xd
I still don't masturbate alone. Some people just need to ease into being comfortable with another person exploring their body before they get the chance (which wouldn't happen anyway).
Have you shown her your posts and the replies on Gaia? It might be helpful for her to speak to a knowledgeable figure such as Nikolita, myself or another elder in this or another guild.
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Posted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 7:48 pm
I asked her why when I first found out. I talk openly with her. She doesn't know why she won't do it. I asked her if she was afraid and she said that she didn't know. She won't even wear tampons. I mean, only rubbing gets kind of annoying. She does that on her own with no problems. She just doesn't do insertion. I havn't shown her my posts on here, because I have no idea how she will react. I'm afraid that she might get really mad. Its not like the people on here knw me though. I just fear how she will react.
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Posted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 7:52 pm
T e x n o l y z e I asked her why when I first found out. I talk openly with her. She doesn't know why she won't do it. I asked her if she was afraid and she said that she didn't know. She won't even wear tampons. I mean, only rubbing gets kind of annoying. She does that on her own with no problems. She just doesn't do insertion. I havn't shown her my posts on here, because I have no idea how she will react. I'm afraid that she might get really mad. Its not like the people on here knw me though. I just fear how she will react. Wait - you talk open with her but you can't show her a post you made online?
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Posted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 8:04 pm
She gets mad when I tell people about our relationship. Like arguments and thing like that. She would rather have it if I didn't tell anyone. I don't like that she doesn't know what to do, and she won do anything about it. I had to turn somewhere. I had no other choice. If I asked someone she knew, then I would be dead.
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Posted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 8:15 pm
T e x n o l y z e She gets mad when I tell people about our relationship. Like arguments and thing like that. She would rather have it if I didn't tell anyone. I don't like that she doesn't know what to do, and she won do anything about it. I had to turn somewhere. I had no other choice. If I asked someone she knew, then I would be dead. Ask her if she would be comfortable talking to someone about the predicament you're both in. If not, I suggest you respect her wishes. If she doesn't want her sex life out in the open, you need to keep it hidden away as she would like it. You wouldn't tell your friends about this, would you? What about her friends? Yes, we're just strangers but this is just as personal as giving this information to someone in the next seat at the train station. It seems as if she doesn't feel as comfortable as you think she is, which is why she won't give you straight answers. Give it a rest for a while and she'll notice you not coming after her as much. It will most certainly have an effect. wink
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Posted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 9:43 pm
Okay this confuses me only because of the fact that she doesn't want to have insertion of the fingers but is willing to insert something bigger??? I think that's a little strange. What you're saying kinda makes me think that when you guys are ready for the full blown thing she'll be scared of that as well.
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Posted: Thu Oct 04, 2007 8:56 am
So it sounds like she masturbates by rubbing her clitoris without inserting anything? If so, then I do not see a problem. Many women masturbate that way. Women usually orgasm from clitoral stimulation, not vaginal stimulation. So many women just rub the clitoris when they masturbate. I never masturbated by using insertion until I was about 21 or 22 years old, and even now, I opt for the simple rubbing probably about 90% of the time. I became sexually active at 16. So masturbating by using insertion is really not required for sexual activity.
Just because she does not insert things, that does not mean she does not know about her own body and what feels good. I was able to tell my first partner where my clitoris was and what sort of stimulation my clitoris required right from the start, so I have always known about my body orgasmed during sex.
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Posted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 12:58 am
Tsuzuki-san Okay this confuses me only because of the fact that she doesn't want to have insertion of the fingers but is willing to insert something bigger??? I think that's a little strange. What you're saying kinda makes me think that when you guys are ready for the full blown thing she'll be scared of that as well. That's what I was thinking when I read the first post
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Posted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 9:45 pm
LorienLlewellyn So it sounds like she masturbates by rubbing her clitoris without inserting anything? If so, then I do not see a problem. Many women masturbate that way. Women usually orgasm from clitoral stimulation, not vaginal stimulation. So many women just rub the clitoris when they masturbate. I never masturbated by using insertion until I was about 21 or 22 years old, and even now, I opt for the simple rubbing probably about 90% of the time. I became sexually active at 16. So masturbating by using insertion is really not required for sexual activity. Just because she does not insert things, that does not mean she does not know about her own body and what feels good. I was able to tell my first partner where my clitoris was and what sort of stimulation my clitoris required right from the start, so I have always known about my body orgasmed during sex. Yep, that is how she does it. She didn't have to tell me where it is. I was able to find it myself. Actually she asked me what the clitoris was. I knew and she didn't. It seems like I know the female body more than she does. I was also telling her how to put in a tampon, but she is still afraid to do it. I don't know why it scares her to masturbate or wear tampons. I know that she thinks that she will leave the one tampon in by accident and put another one in with it. I was telling her "If I had a v****a, and I stuffed something in it, I would remember....." How are we supposed to have sex if she is afraid to insert anything in there? It makes no sence. She kind of pressures me and keeps counting down the days until she is legal to have sex, but how will she be able to enjoy it? I'm not going to pressure her or ask her to try it anymore. I just kind of don't even want to have sex anymore. Even though its only 10 days away until she is legal, it really bothers me.
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Posted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 9:54 pm
Tsuzuki-san Okay this confuses me only because of the fact that she doesn't want to have insertion of the fingers but is willing to insert something bigger??? I think that's a little strange. What you're saying kinda makes me think that when you guys are ready for the full blown thing she'll be scared of that as well. I don't care if I reveal my size in this post, but thats exactly what I was telling her. If she couldn't handle 2 inches, then how in the world is she going to take 6.5 inches? And 5 inches around. Personally, I think the only thing that she wants out of sex is oral sex. I kiss her in between her fingers, and she said that everytime that I do that, it makes her wonder how good I'll be at oral sex. If thats all she would want, she might as well just be a lesbian then. Its really pissing me off, and I can't get that out of my head.
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