God and the Devil
This mostly was a thing I typed up for no real reason, just felt like having a conversation with God and the Devil. It's kind of written in a Terry Pratchett kind of way, I think, or at least he and I share the same style. It has no real point, but I just thought others might like to read it.
BTW, a lot of my prose are set during teatime for some reason. It's just a thing. I like teatime, it gets things done!
(Imagine God as Morgan Freeman, I do.)
Up beyond the mighty world of Man and through the space, past the universe, and into the “nothing” was—a tea table, but this was no ordinary tea table because upon it sat the two great figures of good and evil.
God and the Devil sat in silence, staring into the whole of the existence. Everything that went on existing, and nonexistent moved and danced underneath them. They watched in hushed calm as wars played out and good deeds were done.
The Accuser, Lucifer, Lord of Lies, Beelzebub, Mephistopheles, the Evil, and the Just-Plain-Nasty took a sip of tea. He picked up a crumpet and threw it into the Void, it took the form of a meteor that destroyed an ancient, civilized planet.
“That was uncalled for.” The Lord said.
“Yeah, well, that’s what makes it fun.” Said the Devil with a sneer, he took another sip of tea while trying to avoid God’s stair. The Lord sighed, His breath bringing peace to warring planets in several galaxies. He moved His hands and created clay, then gently threw it into the void, several million light years away from the newly destroyed planet.
“I’ll deal with that in a eon or two.” The Creator said, as he ate a scone.
“So will I.” Satan said, sweetly, “One question though, Oh Lord, why do we take the form of Man?”
God looked at the Devil and then looked down at Himself. He had just noticed that they were in the shape of humans. He wore a plain suit, with white sneakers and black socks. The Devil wore a black blazer, tie, and pants with a white undershirt, his little black beard neatly trimmed.
“Because,” He said “Man is so simple, elegant, and wonderful. Some of My finest work.”
“Not from what they think,” the Devil said, rolling his eyes “they think they’re so special, so complex, and so much better than everything else.”
“Only because you put the idea into their heads” God said, calmly. The Devil gave his sneer.
“Yeah, well if You saw them now—“
“Oh, but I do,” the Lord said “I see them now, I see them then, and I see them forever.” He gestured to the Void, everything changed to the history, present, and future of the human race.
“Well,” the Devil said, looking into the future, “I’ll have to do something about all that then, won’t I?”
“Only if you wish to, it will, of course be undone in the end.” God said, smiling.
“You ruin all my fun…” The Devil took another sip of tea as God gently kicked the air as He and the Devil sat on the table.
“I have to,” God said, laughing “or else I’d be out of a job.”
“If I got my way You wouldn’t have one now,” the Devil said, grudgingly, viciously buttering a scone.
“Oh, now, don’t bring that up again, that was at the beginning of time.” God said.
“Well it hasn’t been cherries and apples since then, I mean, I went down to earth and got outwitted by a peasant, a peasant. I mean is that really fair? I try to do my job and get my pay, but at the last minute they jump on your back and I can’t touch them.”
“Some people like the idea of making the anatomy of evil look bad,” said God with a grin. “You’re not exactly popular.”
“I’ve got my little click,” the Devil said, biting into the scone.
“The thing about Man and all the other creatures of the universe,” God said, “is that when I created them I gave them a little compass,”
“Right,”
“And you know when you get a magnet by a compass it points away?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Well, you’re the magnet that makes them go crazy.”
“Some accept me,” the Devil said, with a little frown.
“That’s when their compass is broken.”
“Oh, well, do You have a little ‘compass’ check at your Gates now?”
“No, but that is an excellent suggestion, thank you.” God said, peacefully smiling at the Devil.
That’s what drove the Devil up the wall. They got together almost every earth day and had a little tea party and discussed the universe. God knew everything, He saw everything, and He was the nicest guy you ever could meet anywhere, and he sat down with pure evil and had a light conversation with him and He always acted nice. Wasn’t it he who fell trying to take His throne? Wasn’t it he who tempted all living things to eternal damnation?
Normally a person would give that person a cold shoulder, or perhaps a phone call saying it was all over, but not Him…
“I know what you’re thinking.” God said, staring into the Devil’s eyes.
“Oh, home…” he said in embarrassment.
“It’s okay, I forgive you.”
“You always do…”
“Well, I have some important things to be doing; world peace, answering prayers, creating planets, and that sort of thing. Shall we end it?” God said, kindly.
“Yeah, sure,” the Devil said as he finished his tea, “but one last question… I know I should know this, but I forget. I got some bloke in the sixteenth century who wants to know the meaning of life; what is it again?”
God smiled “To live it.”
