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 Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 3:09 pm
This stemmed from a challenge someone set me. I had to write a poem with no more than three words per line. (They finally allowed me ONE line with more than three. - I couldn't trim that one line for the life of me. I have no shame; I begged.) The poem had to be related to time. (I have a tendency to only write poems about worlds, so they picked the topic.)
First off, I blew it. I wrote the poem, but I couldn't get a flow with so few words to work with. I'm going to post my attempt, and then set the same challenge to you (with the same one line exception). Post up your results here. Also, I'd appreciate any painful critisism on my attempt. Should I give up, or keep practicing? Is there any hope for the pathetic poet inside me?
Our Time
Swing and swing,
Back and forth.
Silent and graceful,
Never changing.
Relentless,
Impartial; uncaring.
Lifelong minder,
Ever present.
Swing and swing,
Back and forth.
A pendulum,
Counting down.
Lonely and eternal,
A part of all,
Apart from all.
Endless conundrum.
Swing and swing,
Back and forth.
A final stillness,
Eternal void.
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Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2007 12:33 pm
Quote: Lonely and eternal, Part of all, Apart from all. Endless conundrum. ZOMG! I solved your four-line dilemma! razz Great job, I must say. I've honestly get no noteworthy criticisms--you've got a lot more skill at poetry than I could ever dream of (I'm only good with research papers and factual reference papers. Fiction just goes right over my head.). Seriously though, great work with such limited constraints. *Is not going to post a pathetic attempt at prose due to severe retardation in the field*
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Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2007 12:51 pm
Kazemuki Quote: Lonely and eternal, Part of all, Apart from all. Endless conundrum. ZOMG! I solved your four-line dilemma! razz Great job, I must say. I've honestly get no noteworthy criticisms--you've got a lot more skill at poetry than I could ever dream of (I'm only good with research papers and factual reference papers. Fiction just goes right over my head.). Seriously though, great work with such limited constraints. *Is not going to post a pathetic attempt at prose due to severe retardation in the field* *laughs* Thanks for the solution. ^_^;; I suppose my problem stems from the fact that I was trying to keep the 'a part' and 'apart' bits in. The only difference to look at is a space, and yet that space makes them mean exactly the opposite thing, you know? Thank you for your comment! It really means a lot to me. I thought I'd blown it, as I said. I'll keep practicing, and improve some more!
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Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2007 6:06 pm
Oh, that was just me being a smart a**--if I were writing it, I'd be dead-set on keeping the distinction as well. ^_^
But, seriously, great job (Coming from a person with a deep-seated hatred for all poetry and prose. Related to the fact that I can't write poetry? Nonsense! Burn the blasphemer!). Can't wait to see any revisions you might make. ^_^
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Posted: Wed Sep 26, 2007 1:54 am
That's cool. It's all down to our own styles in the end. I should have done it that way and just taken the 'a' out. It's only one letter after all, but once I put it in and liked it, I'm too darn stubborn to take it back out again!!
Thanks again; coming from you, the complement means a lot. I've noticed that you're quite bluntly honest about things, so it's really nice to hear it from you.
Of course, a lot of people are bluntly honest on this guild, which is one of the reasons I've posted it up here. I want honest opinions, rather than 'great lolzz11' or 'you sux'.
Note to all: Blunt honesty is a very good thing!
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Posted: Wed Sep 26, 2007 6:21 pm
Oh... being blunt has its advantages and disadvantages... I can't tell you how many people I have either reduced to tears (Done that to a couple teachers now...) or instilled in them a deep hatred towards myself because of it.
But, my philosophy is: if you wouldn't say something to a person's face, don't say it behind their back. Likewise, I'm not going to brazenly lie to a person; I'll give them my honest opinion.
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