|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 9:49 am
Cast:
Moi - 22. Stayed home watching boys the past four years
Mum - 50. Over worked and always stressed out
Brother1 - 25, lives far away. Cleaning up his life after being a drunk and cocaine addict
Brother2 - 15. Pot smoking, beer drinking idiot
Brother3 - 10. Adhd..personality shifts from meek and cute to temper tantrumish
Situation:
A couple days ago Brother2 asked Mum to buy him something. I didnt recognize the brand and asked what it was. Neither one would tell me what it was. Sounded fishy but I let the issue lie because it didnt seem vital.
So last night I found out the item in question was a cigar. I was appalled. I told Mum I disapproved and left it at that. She took the silence afterwards as an indicator that I was mad. Which I was...but wtf am I supposed to do about their idiocy other than tell her it doesnt sit well with me?
She starts going on about how all his friends smoke. How is she supposed to stop him from smoking? Better he does it under her nose than out and about and get in trouble.
I tell her she needs to do some actual parenting. She doesnt like him smoking? Then dont buy him cigars! Tell him he isnt allowed to smoke! Ground him when he does and dont let him go off to the friends houses who she knows let them smoke (at two friend's houses the parents will smoke with the kids, cigs and pot)
She launches into her 'I work so hard' and she's so tired. All she does is work work work and doesnt have the time/energy to punish him.
Yeah. She does indeed work hard. Ill agree there..but when she doesnt n** it in the bud it does get worse. She didnt punish Brother1 when he did this s**t..she actually bought him cigars and beer too. Now Brother2 has a warped view of what is and isnt allowed. He can get away with this because he knows that she's conceded before.
So I ask her what would happen if I was in my room smoking all sorts of s**t and heaven forbid shooting up heroin? Would she just let me waste away due to drugs? Because Id hope that she would care enough about me to be an actual parent and intervene. Does she care about Brother2..or what about when this same exact s**t happens with Brother3?
Around this point I guess Ive just gone too far for her. She starts yelling at me telling me to stop judging her and how horrible I am for calling her a bad parent. Its her only day off and Im ruining it.
Im ruining her day off. By letting her know I think things are ******** up and that this shouldnt be going on...Im ruining her day off. She yells and yells. Calling me an inconsiderate b***h. If things are so bad here..she thinks I need to move out.
Fine. I go to my room and start cleaning/packing. She stomps off and puts Brother2's computer (which is actually hers, just in his room) in the back of her car. She throws his pot away and throws the broken cigar into my room (all over my computer chair..still stinky).
She tells me she's not paying the internet bill. Stomping back into my room and demanding I turn off my computer. I refuse..its mine. Ill gladly disconnect it from the internet..but she doesnt have the right to just shut off my computer which I paid for with my own money.
She then says she always knew I was cold b***h. From the way I wasnt heartbroken over my last boyfriend (who I broke up with because I didnt love him e_e; ). And how Im just like her brother (an uncle I despise). She never though I would turn on her like this. How dare I judge her.
Turn on her? For what? Judging her parenting skills..which admittedly need work? Out loud I said something else..like how much it hurts that she would compare me to her brother whom we both consider to be a snooty a*****e.
She then made some 'Pfft' noise and shoved my computer screen, knocking it over and walking away.
"What are you, two years old?" - bad choice of words on my part..but I ******** paid extra for a flatscreen monitor. Its mine and she doesnt have the right to be shoving my possessions around like a child just because I said something that pricked her pride.
I continue cleaning my room. Putting my stuff away in boxes I had laying around. Trash in bags..and cleaning up all the s**t everyone leaves in my room. My computer desk was covered with mum's papers from work.
Every time I walked through the living room to take a trash bag out, 75% of the trash being s**t other people have left in my room, mum would make a jab. 'Good, you're cleaning that disgusting room', 'Thanks for ruining my day off', 'Are you happy now?'
By this time Brother3 is upset that we're fighting. Crying because he thinks he'll never see me again. Her: 'Now look what you've done. Upsetting everyone' - Apparently I needlessly started this fight, and its all my fault.
At some point Brother2 comes home. Mum rips into him and takes away his cellphone. Stating that he cant smoke pot in her house anymore. At one point she says 'flaunting his drug use'...like somehow if he had hidden it but still did it then things would be better.
So she..in a frenzy again..comes back to me 'are you happy now?' No. Im not happy..why should it take me getting up in arms for her to crack the whip? Again the tirade about her working so hard. She puts a roof over our heads. Food in our bellies. That what..makes her immune to criticism?
She goes and broods on the couch. I continue cleaning my room. In passing she makes another comment..I keep walking not responding. 'Come back here!'..I do and I sit down. She tells me its not my place to question these things. I have a place now? If Im not allowed to freely speak my mind..then what exactly is my place? 'You're the daughter, not the mother' - I refrain from telling her that Ive filled the authority gap while she works 60+ hrs a week..because she would have just latched onto the fact she works so hard. In a huff because Im standing up for myself..she tells me to go away. Ugh..whatever.
Back and forth the same s**t goes on for another hour or so. Her coming in and demanding I write down the url to her mailbox so she can check her email at the library. And how I better not deface her site. I tell her its disappointing that would think me to be that vindictive. I go to get something from my purse..and she makes a snide 'what, you think I would steal your money?' .....um no..I needed something. Here..Ill leave it in the living room to prove it.
Yadda yadda. My room gets clean and I settle in to go to sleep. Things are quiet while she fumes on the couch. I calm down and start to fall asleep. And she opens my door. "Im going to be fair. You have til November 1st to move out" then goes into a ramble about how I purposely started this fight because I have issues. Which while yes, I do have issues..this whole thing started because she was irresponsible and bought a minor a cigar. But I dont say anything..because Id really rather sleep, and if she wants to think that..fine. I dont care. If Ive just sacrificed my relationship with my mother so she'll parent my screwed up brothers better...so be it.
Chances are before Nov 1st she will have gotten over this fight. Authority and the boys have always been a sore spot between us two. Ive been in charge of them for the past four years while she has constantly been at work. Im 22. I cant raise her children for her. And I damn well cant be an authority figure for either of them if every time I try I get verbally pummeled for stepping out of my 'place' as daughter.
This morning: She left for work before I got up. Brother2's room reeked of freshly smoked pot. And when I told the woman that I watch a child for that I may not be able to watch her kid much longer..I got an offer of a sofa-bed (so I can be a live-in nanny instead..no thanks lady) and a guilt-trip about how she'll never survive without me watching her kid. (Jesus woman, Im not shouldering the responsibility for your kid too damnit!)
-Stabs self in the head- Thanks for listening Pengies. I needed a proper angsty rant.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 10:49 am
I hear you calling and it's needles and pins
I want to hurt you just to hear you screaming my name
Well, I don't know what to say... other then you were completely in the right. Your mom could get sent to jail and your brother to juvie. It's bad enough that he's smoking, but she's encouraging it!
I hope things get better for you... Do you have any idea where you'll go?
Don't want to touch you but you're under my skin
I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 11:59 am
I dont know if Im looking for vindication on this or not. I feel in the right. But the way she exploded at me makes me feel like I really did hurt her. Whether she was wrong and I was right takes a backseat to emotions :/ I insulted her parenting skills..and she lashed out with all these random arguments. Has she felt this way for months and just hasnt been angered enough to say them?
Im looking at apartments online right now. I think I have enough money to initially get one..its the getting a job that pays enough so I can keep an apartment that worries me. And Im gotta wilt without mai internets crying
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 12:10 pm
Honsetly, I think you're completely right.
If he gets messed up from drugs and alchohal, it's going to be her fault.
And I agree, she acts like a f***ing two year old. If I were you I'd probably move out just to smite here. But I could understand if you didn't want to leave your brother's behind.
Although if you do want to move out, I suggest Au Pairing.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Au_pair
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 12:22 pm
Rivei I dont know if Im looking for vindication on this or not. I feel in the right. But the way she exploded at me makes me feel like I really did hurt her. Whether she was wrong and I was right takes a backseat to emotions :/ I insulted her parenting skills..and she lashed out with all these random arguments. Has she felt this way for months and just hasnt been angered enough to say them?
Im looking at apartments online right now. I think I have enough money to initially get one..its the getting a job that pays enough so I can keep an apartment that worries me. And Im gotta wilt without mai internets crying I hear you calling and it's needles and pins
I want to hurt you just to hear you screaming my name
Yeah, I understand that completely. You feel bad because she is your mom and and you still love her. But I don't think you were being confrontational when you told her you were concerned.
Personally, I think when/if you do move out, moving in with a friend might help out for a while. But make sure you get a job that, if you ever have to, you can make payments on the place on your own. The job market though is... awful, to say the least.
I wish you well, though. *hugs*
Don't want to touch you but you're under my skin
I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 12:25 pm
My brothers are a mixed subject. I know my presence helps...but we're always fighting and it doesnt seem productive. I cant move too far, me lacking a car and all that...so I dont think I should be worrying too much about them.
Au Pairing is a good suggestion. If it werent for the fact I would prolly end up strangling someone or something if I have to be in charge of a wee thing again. Id rather house-sit. Which is /almost/ a viable profession here in Arizona. Wrong time of the year to even look into it though.
-Hugs Sonic- I have no friends here. My own fault..but it does leave me high and dry in a situation like this. Your well wishing is very appreciated <3
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 5:25 pm
She's giving him back the pot. Because its not his and he doesnt want to owe anyone money.
Same s**t. Different day.
edit: and Im still being blamed. "You had to start this" o_O wtf?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 5:50 pm
I hear you calling and it's needles and pins
I want to hurt you just to hear you screaming my name
Wait a minute. That doesn't even make any sense. It's not his? It's not like borrowing a CD player or something. Once he smokes it it's gone. What's he doing with it if it's not his? AGH. *stomps off*
Don't want to touch you but you're under my skin
I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 6:16 pm
He was playing middle-man. One person gives him money, he goes and gets pot from a drug dealer with the money and then gives the pot to the person who gave him the money. Pretty much amounts to a small time dealer in my eyes.
Ive been told I need to be nice and civil while Im looking for an apartment. Im getting the cold shoulder left and right..but Im the one that needs to play nice? 'it was uncomfortable when I got home' ...umm..thats because we spent all last night yelling and crying at each other? Duh.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 6:24 pm
Wow, I'm sorry, but that's messed up. Your mom shouldn't be buying your brother drugs when he's underage, and then blame you for telling her that it isn't right.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 6:34 pm
I hear you calling and it's needles and pins
I want to hurt you just to hear you screaming my name
I think it does in the eyes of the law, too. stare
Well, you know what, just try and ignore her. Hopefully you'll be able to find a place soon, and then you won't have to deal with it.
Don't want to touch you but you're under my skin
I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2007 5:16 pm
If you want to protect your youngest brother, I would suggest reporting her to child services.
I'm sorry if that sounds rude/forward, but if she's an enabler, I don't think she should be taking care of two minors.
The middle child may be placed in rehab or something, but I think (If you had a decent place to stay and can afford to take care of him) he would be placed under the care of you. Or his godparent. Assuming that the government would help with the money situation.
I'm really sorry if I have insulted your mother/you/your family or anything.
D:
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
