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 Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2007 2:05 pm
Since coming to the Pridelands, Kijibwa had been quite content to stay near the borders while they waited on the best time to approach Siku's family. He was an encouraging as he could be, and enjoyed the change of scenery and watching the girls enjoy it.. but then two of his little girls had gone missing. No, they'd left. Actually got up and left of their own choice. They'd known as soon as they spotted Janja's necklace by Siku the next morning. Now he'd been wandering a bit farther from their little 'home' - only in the direction opposite the central Pridelands. It'd been awhile since the girls had left, but Kijibwa refused to give up on thinking that he might come across some sign of them, some indication of where they'd gone off to. It was hard to think that neither Janja nor Jedi would have come to him and Siku before leaving.. especially Jedi, he'd always felt so close to her. Had he been wrong? It was nearing sunset, and Kiji was laying in the grass staring off into the distance. He'd given up actively looking for the day, and was almost to a point of realizing they weren't just going to appear so close to the borders if they'd meant to run away. They were gone.
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Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2007 2:48 pm
Siku had spoken to her mother, just before the girl's disappearance; momentarily, but she had made contact. It had been frightening, yes, but nowhere near as hard as she expected. They still weren't on the closest of terms; there was no loving, mother-daughter relationship present. They were simply related, was all. And now, looking back, Siku wondered if that was all she had been to her daughters growing up. The disappearance had affected Siku for the worse; she had, essentially, relapsed into the childlike fear of her own mistakes. She should've known. The terrifying dream, the night before, of Jedi and Janja leaving.. it should've stricken closer to home than it did. But they were gone, now, and she was helpless. It had been there; a sliver of a chance, but a chance none the less, to react to the vision and stop her daughters. But she had not acted quickly enough, and now they were gone. Gradually, she had gotten better; not to the point of being fully well, but to the point she could perform daily tasks without feeling so miserable. Which, actually, is where Siku found herself as dusk approached the pridelands. Pacing through the soft grasses, unable to focus on the task of hunting, she had unknowingly guided herself to Kiji. Slowingly from her jogging pace, Siku's ears flattened to her head, shrinking back at the sight of his form. He blamed her. Not that he had said anything, no, but Siku had convinced herself that Kijibwa blamed her. It was her fault, after all. Timidly placing a paw forward, Siku quietly approached her mate, lying down in the grasses nearby. "H..hello, Kijibwa.." she had said meekly, looking over to him for a moment before pulling her gaze away. She didn't deserve to lay near him anymore; it was her fault, after all.
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Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2007 3:06 pm
Siku was coming from the wrong way if she wanted to be noticed by Kijibwa before speaking up. He'd never been the most attentive of lions, and he was especially distracted this evening. He'd not done any active searching, no one seemed so willing to simply abandon their post in the pridelands.. they'd been so reluctant, and now Kiji could not remember why. Why hadn't they? Why hadn't he gone? Of course, he couldn't leave his family..
This was horrible. Knowing Janja, they could be anywhere. She'd always been so keen on exploring, and had enough of an influence over Jedi to convince her.. or.. so he expected. Janja must have had a greater influence than he realized, his little Jedi wouldn't have left so suddenly.. and as much as he wanted to blame his eldest daughter, he couldn't help but blame himself.
They could be anywhere, and he couldn't find them.
He'd noticed Siku's behaviour, and blamed himself for that too- he couldn't help her because he couldn't fix this. Things just seemed to keep going downhill, or so they might have if he'd been willing to let himself admit all of this earlier. He was almost in tears when Siku suddenly called out to him, startling him.
"Siku?" he murmured, turning his head to look at her. She wouldn't look at him, and that made him feel even worse. Kiji bit his lip, not sure what to say now. He was almost afraid to talk to her now, just as afraid as she seemed to be of talking to him.
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Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2007 3:26 pm
At the realization Kiji was looking at her, Siku ducked her head as if being struck, closing her eyes and curling slightly. They'd both fallen so far after the girl's disappearance, and as much as she hated to admit it, Siku had no awareness to the going-ons of their youngest daughter, as well. In her mind, Ekevu had handled it the best of them all; she had Jamala to fall back on, and talk with after all. But Kiji..
Venturing a glance over to him, Siku mentally cursed herself. Neither of them were honestly looking well, most likely by her own fault. Pawing nervously, Siku ran over the idea of telling him about the vision. Would he forgive her..? Or would it make him hate her even more? The idea weighed her thoughts heavily, tempting the lioness both ways. To tell him, or not? He was usually so understanding of her gift, but.. not having stopped their daughters.. what would he do? Biting her lower lip, Siku pawed nervously at the ground, deciding finally to tell Kiji. Softly clearing her throat, she looked up to him as her tail twitched.
"K..Kiji, love..? I.. I'm sorry, but.. I have something important to tell you.." she mumbled quietly, unable to look him in the eyes as she addressed him. He was going to hate her even more, after all. She'd caused all of this.
"I..If you're willing t..to listen, that is.."
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Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2007 4:31 pm
Kiji kept his eyes on his mate, though he was having a hard time trying to smile at her- only because of just how bad he was feeling right now, how much he'd finally let himself admit. His best efforts were wasted when he realized that Siku wouldn't look him in the eyes, and he had to wonder what she was thinking. Why wouldn't she look at him? He had messed up, but there was nothing they could do now.. nothing but wait and hope the girls came back.
He was a little comforted at her at least continuing to use the word love when addressing him. However, the comforting feeling went away almost immediately when Siku said she had something to tell him- he was worried, and even more so when she said if he was willing to listen.
Why wouldn't he be willing to listen?
"O-of course," he stammered, tilting his head.
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Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2007 5:12 pm
"I.. I have to apologize, Kiji.." she stumbled over the words, almost in a whisper as she fought back the ever-approaching sob. This.. was much harder than she had expected it to be, really. Curling her tail tighter to herself, Siku ran her paws through the end fur of it, the only neat-looking part of her body. It was only because of nervous habit, though; she had not devoted herself to cleaning in some time.
"The girls.." Siku choked, trying to force the memory out of her mind. She was not good at confrontations, at all. Not with her mother, her mate, or.. her daughters. Dipping her head even lower, eyes trained only on the existance of her tail, she began pouring out the contents of her heart to her mate.
"Kiji, I'm so sorry.. it's all my fault. T..They left because of me, and.. I had a dream of them leaving, and I thought nothing of it.. I should've taken it more seriously. I ignored a vision, and.. and look what it's done! I'm so sorry.." she choked out, words garbled slightly by the attempt to keep herself from crying. Looking up to Kiji, she finally met his gaze, tears building in the corners of her eyes. She was such a disappointment, and a failure.. he probably wouldn't even be able to stand being with her after that confession.
"C..c..can.. you ever f..forgive me, love..?"
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Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2007 7:18 pm
Kiji looked very confused when Siku said she had to apologize. He couldn't imagine what she could be apologizing for, she hadn't done much of anything lately- and that wasn't much to apologize for itself, he'd been doing that same (aside from the occassional looking around the rogue lands). His attention was draw directly back to Siku when she mentioned the girls, though- no time to speculate, what was she talking about?
As soon as Siku said it was her fault, Kiji opened his mouth to argue and shook his head. It was ridiculous for her to blame herself! Then she continued, and he stopped dumbly and simply stared at her. She had a dream about them leaving, and ignored it? A dream about the girls leaving- just like the dreams about their girls being born? Them in the Jungle? Why wouldn't she pay attention to that?
He stared speechless at her.
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Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2007 8:39 pm
He hated her; that stare said everything. Tears now freely spilling down her cheeks, Siku no longer working to stop them from falling. It was her fault, and she'd known he'd be angry... but, somewhere, her heart had longed for the compassion of Kiji she knew so well. Raising from lying down, just slightly, Siku began to back away.
"I..I'm sorry, Kiji! Most of my visions come when I'm awake, a..and," swallowing heavily, she continued, "I... I mean.. t..that is... it happened the very night they left, a..and I thought it was just a nightmare.." she stammered nervously, misery drowning all other emotion in her tone. "I.. it only awoke me when it was pitch black out, a...and I thought it was a nightmare. I..I should've done something, I know, b..but I was just hoping it was a nightmare.." she choked, halted in her retreat from Kijibwa. She was ashamed; disgusted with herself, really. She should have known, should have acted... ANYTHING to have stopped them from leaving!
"B..but then, K..Kiji.. the visions.. always come true..." she reasoned quietly, not having thought about that before.
"C..Could we even have stopped it, i..if we had acted..?"
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Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2007 8:53 pm
She's known? She'd woken up- while it was still dark- and did nothing? They could have caught up, they could have started lookind then, got a head start on actually tracking them down. Sleeping made all the difference. Siku was right when she explained, but Kijibwa didn't seem to hear the logic in any of it. All he heard was that she'd known, and that she too felt at blame for this, or she would not be apologizing. The arguing against taking the blame made Kiji wary, though. Siku blamed herself, but didn't- that's what she wanted to hear, why she'd told him. Not her fault.
"We might have found them, if we'd known," he said when he finally found his voice, "We could have caught up with them! Stopped them! Why didn't you say something? Check on them?"
Kiji's voice was raised, though not quite yelling- and probably for the first time in his life.
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Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2007 9:03 pm
Wincing back at Kijibwa's tone, never having heard him yell, Siku slowly shook her head.
"I..I didn't think, Kijibwa! I'm sorry! I... it just seemed like a bad dream, and.. I.. I guess I convinced, prayed myself into thinking it wouldn't be true! But.. it was, and.. I'm sorry." Clawing at the ground below her in nervousness, Siku still shook her head; gods knew why, but she did. No, no, it was her fault..! It was! She didn't deserve Kiji's forgiveness, not in the least bit.
"Y..you don't understand though, Kiji! It didn't FEEL like a normal vision!" Her voice, too, now raised to meet his. There was no anger, however, only defense and sadness. "I.. I didn't know that visions could come like this! I know, I KNOW I should've checked on them, or woken you, or something, but.." breaking into another fit of sobbing, Siku's next sentence was garbled to the point it made no sense. It took a minute of her wheezing sobs, and slight calming down, to be able to intelligently hold a conversation once more.
"I..I didn't.. want to scare you, if it hadn't been anything.. a.. and they were still there, w..when I woke up.."
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Posted: Sun Sep 23, 2007 12:31 pm
Normally, Kijibwa was more patient, more understanding, but like Siku, he'd been stretched just about to his limit. He was tired, he was worried, he was upset.. he blamed himself as much as he wanted to blame anyone else, and couldn't help but jump at even the slightest chance of taking the blame from himself. He wasn't listening to Siku's explanation, all he heard was that she didn't think, and that she was sorry- from there all he heard was mumbling in the background.
He managed to tune back in just to hear that the girls were still around when Siku had woken up, and to that he shook his head, no longer looking at his mate.
"You could have asked them, talked to them, stopped them," he grumbled, getting back to his feet. It never crossed his mind that the girls most likely would have left anyway, only that if Siku had talked to them she surely would have been able to stop them, or find out why..
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Posted: Sun Sep 23, 2007 2:28 pm
"I.. I didn't know, Kijibwa.." she whispered, once more backing away from Kijibwa. He was angry, and depressed, and it was her fault. She had done this to him. He had every right, yes, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt her deeply. Turning, she began to walk away from Kijibwa, needing to let him be alone now.
"I..I know, now, I should've acted Kijibwa.. I'm sorry still.. but, I didn't know then.. I.. I made a mistake, and.. I apologize. I..if you want me to go look for them, or if you find it in your heart to forgive me.. I shall be in the den.." bowing her head once, Siku fully about-faced to the opposite direction, and headed off with no glance over her shoulder to her mate. He would not be following; he hated her, so why would he care? It made perfect sense. So, for the first time in ages, Siku went off to go to sleep alone; something she had not done since she was a young girl, in the jungle.
And slowly, as she walked, the tears stopped falling. The sadness hurt so much, she could not bring herself to cry any more.
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Posted: Sun Sep 23, 2007 2:52 pm
Kiji couldn't hold back a rather uncharacteristic glare as Siku continued to apologize for what had happened, and as soon as she turned around, he did the same and chose not to listen to whatever else she had to say. Instead, he almost immediately jogged off. He didn't know where he was going, or what he was going to do, but he just wanted to be left alone.
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