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 Posted: Thu Sep 20, 2007 3:59 pm
I dated the same guy for the past 1.5 years (very rocky relationship, many breakups, and even now it's still not over), and I'm just really getting sick of guys. Maybe he's just biased me against dating them.. Ever since coming out five years ago as bisexual (to a selective few) and becoming more comfortable with it, I realized that I preferred girls. I made an exception for the jerk I was dating (still somewhat in love with, and it wasn't entirely bad), but now I just wish I was a full-on lesbian. I see gender more as a physical and emotional trait, and I just happen to like curves better than rock-hard abs. Previous boyfriends have helped to push me further in that direction, too. I can understand girls better, and I feel like they wouldn't place sexual pressures on me like a guy would. It seems that with guys, the moment you kiss them is the moment they want in your pants. I think that girls would be able to kiss and just leave it at that or cuddle (which I <3).
Anyway.. My main purpose for this thread is that I think I might have a crush on my second-best friend. I did when we first met, but then it wore off because I kept telling myself that she was straight and I didn't want to ruin our friendship. I got jealous and a bit sad when she started dating her current boyfriend. I feel happy when I'm around her. She makes me laugh, and we have a lot of fun when we bellydance together. Certain things she does doesn't really help the situation.. I recently spent the night at her house, and she was trying on a new bellydance top that she got. It had very good support, and she showed me saying, "Look how much it pushes me up!" I looked, but then looked away and pretended to be unaffected. I didn't want to gape or anything. Then we both slept on her futon, and it seemed like she was almost cuddling up next to me in her sleep.
She seems to have gotten a bit flirty with me lately, too. I don't know if I could date her, though.. She has a boyfriend, and a guy who's friends with both of us has a huge crush on her. Then there's the fact that we'll be going off to college after this year. I'm just not sure what to do.. I don't think I'll tell her, not unless the right kind of situation arises that lets me know that she's interested. I wonder if she likes our guy friend, too. She's said before that we're a lot alike in some ways.
Well... I can always hope and pray, right?
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Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 11:33 pm
I think your first instinct is right..leave it be unless a situation arises that makes it a less awkward/weird subject. And as long as she's with the said boyfriend..I would keep the tone of it down to a meek 'Id like you in /that/ way if things were different' - leaving it sort of open ended to give you an opportunity should she ever break up with him..but at the same time keeping the pressure off to not damage the friendship if she should say..go with the other guy whom is crushing on her.
Speaking merely from my personally experience...cuddling/flirting is something straight girls feel comfortable doing with their close friends for precisely the reason that its lacking the pressure of the getting-into-pants or wondering if you're somehow leading someone on. She may just feel very relaxed and open with you and isnt really aware of the affect she's having on you.
An option is to drop a few hints. Watch a flick with some gay/lesbian/etc storylines and bring up the question of sexuality. Thats pretty much how I told my old old high school friend I may as well be a bisexual. She was cool with it (I figured she would be) and we got into a discussion about the beauty of the female body and all sorts of things including how I could never crush on her. Except you would go the other route. ._o;
[/imho]
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Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2007 8:52 am
Last night, I was considering casually asking her if she could ever date a girl. We've had conversations before about how boys are dumb and that the female body is so much nicer to look at, anyway. But she still considers herself straight, or at least according to her myspace. sweatdrop
Then again, she may just be saying that because we live in a small, religious and homophobic town. I've only told one or two friends who I know are bi/gay as well.
You have a good point there.. I hadn't really thought of it that way. I know she feels that she can be open with me about bellydance and the amazing Rachel Brice (a dancer who we both said we'd marry) and that I wouldn't think she's crazy or obsessed.
The movie sounds like a good idea. I'm not sure which one I'd watch, though. I think Queer as Folk might be a bit awkward for her.. mad D
Is Brokeback Mountain any better?
Thank you for the input. whee heart
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Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2007 4:27 pm
Sexuality is a weird thing to discuss. Even when you know they'll accept you no matter what..its hard to take that lil plunge and air it out there. I still havent told my mum Im bisexual (or pansexual..Im with ya on the gender just being a physical trait). It just doesnt seem relavent at all to who I am as a person unless Im actually dating a chick. I dont really have the small town/religious area problem...even if I did I dont go out enough to give two shits about the public as a whole. o_O;
Brokeback Mountain was a bit angsty for some reason. And you're far more likely to get into a conversation about how friiggggin gruffily cute the two boys are.
Imagine Me & You was cute..in a cliche sort of way.
Boys Dont Cry is sad and somewhat hillbillyish.
But Im a Cheerleader is amusingful (and I adore Clea DuVall..plus RuPaul is grand)
Lost and Delirious again with Piper Perabo..more low key but drama-tastic
Anytime Lovely. I dunno what Id do in your situation..other than coming here to ask for advice xD
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Posted: Sun Sep 23, 2007 8:17 pm
My sister (who is bi as well) and I have decided to never tell any family members. There was never really any debate about it.. My mother is religiously homophobic, and my dad and brother and homo haters. I may have considered telling my mother once or twice, but then I found my common sense again. If she knew, I don't think she'd disown me, but she either wouldn't take me seriously or would tell me that I'm not really bi-- that's just what the "devil spirits" possessing me want me to think. rolleyes
I still want to see Brokeback, though.. Even my completely heterosexual boyfriend liked it. mad D
All of those movies look great. Thanks for the titles! whee
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Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 9:33 am
i'm not good with advice... so,
i have a female friend i feel exactly the same with. D8
only, it sucks 'cause i had another female friend who told her she loved her (wow is she popular with girls)...
and my friend was saying to me how creepy it was.
and i just think... 'but i like you too!' ; A;
so, no chance xPPP
good luck for you, though n__n;;;
and like Rivei said, it probably would be a good idea to kinda drop hints.
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Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 6:09 pm
I just don't want to turn all creepy-lesbian on her. One of my friends had a huge crush on me, but I never saw her in that way. As for a friend of mine (who is bi), one of her own friends turned creepy-flirty on her, which she hated. Soo, I'm not too sure how a supposedly straight girl will react. I guess it depends on the person.
I try to drop hints every now and then, but I tend to mask them in humor. I figure if she's not even considering the possibility of liking me, she won't notice I'm serious. If she is, then she'll realize that I am serious if she really thinks about it.
In a way, I'm content just being around her. At the same time, she's so beautiful that it drives me crazy that I can't make any moves.
Like my friend, maybe yours was just creeped out because of the person who had a crush on her. Saying "love" right off the bat would creep me out, too.
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Posted: Sun Dec 23, 2007 9:18 am
He destroyed my life...
I had that same kinda problem. Apart from there were no boys involved, well not till the end at least.
We are not friends anymore, but still.
My friend claimed to be straight, but she was very flirtatious with me, feeling me up etc.
We took showers and baths together, went skinny dipping together, slept together, walked around eachother naked.
I was VERY attracted to her. But I was worried that if I told her then she would have left me alone.
In the end she went out with this guy that turned her against me, I miss her alot not.
And I wish I had told her what I felt about her.
If you miss your chance, there is no other chance.
Now I will destroy him.
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