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 Posted: Mon Sep 17, 2007 4:01 pm
The sun was almost set, a distant glowing orange orb teetering on the edge of the horizon, stretching fingers of gold and purple back across the slowly darkening sky. The light that washed the lands gave everything a gold tint, making the water of the river shine like flowing pixie dust. The clouds dotting the great expanse of the sky were rimmed in silver and orange, gleaming like some secret paradise as the first stars began to twinkle with their extravagant light. A gentle breeze swayed through the trees, causing leaves to ruffle and sing with the wind, adding a theme song to the day’s death. At the opposite horizon, the moon’s white tip was already beginning to make it’s entrance.
Syeira sighed softly as she watched all this, taking in the beauty of the lands she had so long forgotten. She found that this time of day reminded her so much of her life, of the family that was broadening, expanding. The sun was setting on her motherhood of yet another litter. First, Taabu had grown, and now had given her ten grandchildren that she loved just as much as her own cubs. Now, her second litter was almost grown, and ready to go out into the world on their own as well. And yet, there was the moon, rising with the promise of new beauty and purpose.
Shaking her head, Syeira lay her head on her paws, tuning out her own thoughts. She tried, in vain, to listen solely to the soft flow of the river before her – but to no avail. Her mind kept returning, again and again, to the thought that was plaguing her brilliant mind. What would Uumi do when he found out? She suspected his only solace these days was that she was home, and the cubs were almost grown and ready to leave. She figured, once they were out and not around him so much, he would be happier.
Of course, all of that was about to change, and he was still in the dark. Would he stick by her through this again, or was it just too much?
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Posted: Tue Sep 18, 2007 3:50 am
His strides were long yet slow, slightly lumbering and almost drunken. He wanted to go back to bed! Well no matter, his walking would return to normal in a few minutes. At first he'd started heading toward the watering holes... but something in his mind just said 'no' to that line of direction and he switched to head for the river. Yes this felt more right, more like the direction Sye had gone in.
Lo and behold! He spotted her beautiful, dusty colored coat not too far off. He smiled slowly and to himself, it was a rare smile that he did not restrain any part of. It was a rather charming smile, actually. His walking had calmed and he moved quietly towards her, watching her think. Watching he watch the water. Watching, watching. His crimson orbs flowed over her body and he almost laughed at the thought of how long they'd known each other... how sad it had been that he'd treated her the way he had in the beginning.. and how he'd continued to treat her over time and how he probably still would treat her in the future! But there were times when he could treat her like the princess she was... times he would try and make last as long as he could.. times he did not regret being who he was and being with her.
For often times... he did regret being who he was. Why had his other half not chosen a more noble... more kind... stronger... faster... whatever lion for a mate? Why had she chosen him... arrogant and sickly and certainly proud of his arrogance. Well, he shouldn't dwell on those thoughts. They always depressed them.
"You look rather pleased." He called, playfully mockingly but also seriously. Sye looked... radiant even!
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Posted: Thu Sep 20, 2007 2:07 pm
At the sound of Uumi’s voice, Syeira couldn’t help the small shudder that ran down the length of her spine and caused her to jump unnecessarily. She sighed softly, shutting her eyes at her own irritation. She disliked being to jumpy, especially when there was no reason for her to be. She wasn’t afraid or scared, but she was lost so deep in the worry of this newest problem that she noticed little of what when on around her. Sudden loud noises were enough to make her jump straight out of her skin, and the fact that this one had been attached to Uumi’s voice hadn’t helped in the slightest. If anything, hearing his voice was she was thinking so hard about how he would react was enough to send her stomach into knots.
It wasn’t that she was afraid of him, of course – Syeira could have beaten down her mate at nearly any given point in time. The problem was his attitude and general distaste for cubs. How was Syeira supposed to break the news to him without him going off on another rampage? She sighed, shaking her head, even as he stood there. She just didn’t want to go through another fight right now. She supposed it would happen eventually, though.
“I’m not pleased with anything,” she said weakly, forcing a smile on the pretty mask of her face. She turned partially to look at him from her laying position, icy eyes glimmering in the vague sunlight cast down across her form.
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Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 3:26 am
"Oh, no?" Hew shrugged and accepted this, even though she did look very pleased. He moved beside her and slowly sat, staring out at the land.
"Azima has been going on about moving to the pridelands or something.." He said slowly. Not often did he interact with his children... but Azima had come to find him multiple times. As always Uumi would try and get the child to bother his mother, but he wouldn't. He kept going on about loving some... some... other boy. Uumi just didn't understand, and it made him a little embarrassed and sick feeling. And then he'd always feel guilty for feeling this way about his children. "I think he's in love." But he didn't sound pleased about his son being in love or anything, he couldn't even keep that 'sick' tone out of his voice.
He knew he shouldn't be talking to Sye like this... these children... their children. Were they her world? Uumi looked at her sideways, eyes slightly narrowed and calculating. He sighed and layed down, rolling on his side so it was lightly resting against her body.
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Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 11:20 am
As Uumi rolled his body closer to hers, she shifted to lean slightly against him as well. With a little purr lingering in her throat, she shifted her head and laid it comfortably against his shoulder, letting his body prop her head up. It wasn’t so long ago that a situation like this would have been completely unheard of between the two mates. After all, their relationship had started out very rocky, and it was only just not beginning to seem a little normal. It was worth it, though. In some ways, all the fighting and all the problems made the end result that much sweeter.
“The pridelands?” she said quietly, a soft frown on her maw as she thought about her son leaving the Kusini lands and heading off to the distant homelands of his father. She only sighed though, and shook her head, “I suppose there’s nothing we can do about that. If he says he’s in love, and he wants to leave to go to the pridelands, then that’s just what we should let him do.” She completely dismissed the disgusted tone in Uumi’s voice, figuring Azima annoyed him, or talking to his children annoyed him in general. After all, Uumi talked about a lot of things disgustedly. “After all, you left the pridelands to come be with me, right?” She glanced down at his face from the odd angle, a soft smirk lingering on her maw. The smirk, of course, stemmed from the fact that she knew Uumi hadn’t left to come and be with her – not exactly, anyway.
She grimaced softly as her stomach gave an uncomfortable lurch, feeling the squirming things that were growing in her belly. She shifted, burying her face against his fur, and curled her tail closer to her body, so that her tuft was brushing her stomach. There were some things about pregnancies that were entirely unpleasant.
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Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 11:34 am
Well let her be alright with it, fine! He couldn't bring himself to tell her that her son was chasing off after some other male... actually he probably didn't partly because he thought Sye would be accepting of that. It wasn't right, in Uumi's mind.
His body became a little stiff and he rolled his eyes and huffed. "Oh of course" He muttered playfully. He wasn't about to say that wasn't true, even if Sye and he both knew it wasn't true. "But that's different anyways.." He muttered. Because Even if he had ended up chasing Syeira (not just ending up here. Where he hadn't planned to stay.) she was still a female. Not another male. He really couldn't wrap his mind around that fact in Azima's life.
He blinked and glanced sideways at her shifting. The way she moved said she was uncomfortable, but really he couldn't tell. "Alright?" He asked slowly. He vaguely realized her scent had changed since the past few days, but thought nothing of that.
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Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 11:44 am
Syeira noticed that the tone in Uumi’s voice only grew stronger the more they talked about Azima. It was a disapproving sort of tone, now that she thought about it, but she honestly didn’t understand it. The way it was coming out made it seem like Uumi was angry that Azima was leaving, when most of his previous comments about family suggested that he wouldn’t mind a few of them just up and leaving so he didn’t have to deal with him. Of course, Syeira was entirely blind to the fact that Azima’s proposed lover was a male. Uumi was right, of course – if Syeira had known, she wouldn’t have seen a problem with it. Syeira found so many flaws in so many other lions, but in her mind, her children had been bred of the very best quality of lions – even if Uumi was an a**. Anything they did, short of Damu’s taint, was very near perfect in her opinion.
“No,” she muttered softly, slightly obscured by the way her face was pressed against his mouth. The uncomfortable tension on her stomach made her want to curl up into a little ball, but from previous experience, she knew that it would only make the little ones squirm even more. Thus, she was left in between a rock and a hard place, fighting the urge of her body with the experience in her mind. Of course, throughout this entire situation, she was also suddenly wondering what Uumi would think about it, again. With a sigh, she opened those icy eyes too look back towards him. She had to tell him some time, right?
“I have something to tell you,” she said simply, and though she appeared outwardly strong, her eyes told the truth – she was near breaking point from keeping this secret hidden so long.
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Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 12:01 pm
He blinked and frowned. Whenever she said something like that usually it meant..
He thought hard about past conversations that had started with 'i have something to tell you'. Let's see... oh... hmm. No, it couldn't be more cubs.
....
.... .. ..
... .
Bingo!
He grunted and shifted, breaking away from her so he could twist and sit up, staring down at her. His eyes rolled over her body... ah! Yes, like last time... barely detectable. And now the change of scent made sense... and the uneasiness. Uumi had become more experienced too, it seemed.
And for a split second he absolutely hated Syeira. And then more so himself. Because he loved Syeira... he loved the fact that they could make beautiful little creatures together... but god he didn't like being a father. First he wanted to shout 'no, don't tell me!' at her. Smartly he kept his mouth shut.
"Why does this always happen?" he grunted, trying to keep the resentment for himself out of his voice. "I should know by now every time I come near you... more.." He muttered and then sighed and quietted. He probably should have just let her tell him the news and act as he always acted... but that was hard for him. "Er... what would you like to tell me, dear?" He raised his brows in almost a mocking manner.
He wasn't trying to piss of Syeira, he really wasn't. He was trying to keep as calm as he could, too. But it was hard.
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Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 12:15 pm
Syeira quirked a brow at him, her face a perfect stoic mask as he commenced his examinations. It was the first time that she had ever seen him put something together for himself, and she wasn’t about to ruin the moment. Of course, it had needed a bit of prompting on her behalf, but he finally seemed to be able to figure something out without her having to come right out and say it. Well, if this had been any other conversation and time, she might have been proud of him. Of course, the look on his face once he figured it out ruined everything. His words only made it all worse, even if she had begun suspecting them from the start.
With a little growl in her throat, Syeira reached over and gave Uumi one hard shove with her paw. Pregnant and in discomfort, she could still beat him around if she wanted to – the current conditions probably only made her more violent. She huffed and pulled her body up into a sitting position, her icy stare hard enough to pierce. “Every time you come around me, hm? I’m sorry that you’re so disappointed,” she muttered, her glare turning away from him and instead landing on the river. It was a wonder the water didn’t freeze even as it flowed along.
Deep down, Syeira had known that Uumi was going to react like this. Her anger was only an outward emotion for the most part, for even though she was mad at him for acting like he did, deep down she was more hurt than anything. It was hard to make Uumi want a family. It was hard to make him see that it could really be beautiful. It was hard to make him be a father to the children he already had. Why was everything so hard for her? Why couldn’t Uumi be like any other male and just be happy that he had a loving mate and for the most part, healthy beautiful children?
“You know what it is,” she said finally, shutting her eyes against the world. She hated that he made her feel so ashamed of the little miracles growing in her stomach. As much as he might hate her for having him, she hated him even more for making her feel like she shouldn’t. She loved her children, and she would love these, but he always made her feel so.. worthless. She supposed, in a way, she had chosen this for herself. Sighing, she lay her head down slowly, forcing her eyes to stay shut. She was afraid, if she opened them, the sight of him would make the tears already brimming her eyes begin to fall.
Why was it like this with them?
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Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 3:09 pm
s**t. Why did he always do this? As she shoved him he scuttled back a little, keeping the 'ouch' inside of him. He dare not say another word. And instead of disgust he now felt very guilty... he wondered why whenever Sye gave him such an amazing gift he shunned it. He should be amazed he would be a father for the third time. Hell, he should be amazed he could even life himself over Sye and make babies. He wanted to love them, he really did! In a way... he loved all of their children. But he never loved them as a father.
"I'm sorry." He muttered very quietly, almost so the words didn't come out. He knew 'im sorry' was not appropriate right now, but what could he do? "I didn't mean that.." He swallowed, looking ashamed and guilty. He didn't. Or did he? Not even his own mind could be made up.
"No Sye.." He whined slightly as her gaze turned from him and he rose to all fours. This was something very hard to fix... if he said something wrong he would sound like he was lying. If he tried to justify his answers... well then he'd just be being an a*****e. "You have to understand.." He tried and trailed off.
Though it was probably unwise to be near her right now he slid up behind her, rubbing his head lightly against her side. "Sye." He breathed. "I just... I am not a good father... I don't know how to be a father... every time you... we make something so wonderful... it is hard for me to be happy.." Oh god, was this going to get him in even deeper? "Please, please understand?" He felt pathetic. A fool. A big a** and he didn't understand why Syeira had ever let him stick around... life would have been so much easier if she'd told him to get lost.
Easier maybe... more miserable? Certainly.
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Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 7:48 pm
Syeira sighed softly as she listened to the words coming out of Uumi’s mouth, all the jumbled and contradictory statements only making her feel that much worse – because it did sound like he was lying, and doing a bad job of it to boot. What was there to try and understand about Uumi? He was grumpy, he was moody, he was hateful, and he disliked the beautiful children that he had helped father but could not be a father to. Little about her mate made sense, and there was little about him to appreciate or love, but love him she did – even when she hated him.
“You think anyone knows how to be a father before they are one?” she said quietly, opening her eyes and finally letting the tears fall, tracing tracks down the blond mask on her cheeks. She shifted slightly, though she didn’t move away from him. He was trying to explain this to her, and she knew that. She wasn’t going to ruin the only breakthrough he seemed to have in ages. She supposed he was at least growing a little – now he could admit to being wrong instead of just making excuses about it.
“Uumi, you have to try to do this, it just doesn’t happen all of a sudden,” she whispered, sitting up as he nuzzled her side - she still felt icky and putting pressure on it really didn’t help the situation. “Do you think I knew how to be a mother when Taabu was first born?” she asked with a laugh, glancing away to the river again, the tears still falling freely from her icy eyes, giving the effect that they were melting. “I screwed up so many times, so much that I always worried about how he was going to turn out,” she muttered, her tail flickering, “but in the end, I must have done something right.” She sighed, shaking her head as she glanced back to him, “being a parent is more about learning than anything else. You try and sometimes you fail, but it’s those experiences that make your stronger. If you don’t try at all, then you never learn.” She frowned at him, watching his eyes. Beautiful eyes.
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Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 7:57 pm
He winced and swallowed, keeping completely silent. Oh great... tears... he didn't like the tears. He slipped in front of her, though it was probably a stupid place to sit. But he did sit there and gently pressed his nose to her.
"I'll try Syeira. I will." And he was serious too. He could... try... for Sye. Yes. He could do it differently.. spend time with the cubs and teach them things... if anything he'd be showing them not to be antisocial, right?
His crimson orbs met their polar opposites and his tail curled tightly about his body. He could be a good father... er... well he could be a father. He could start small and work his way up...
Maybe she was right. Maybe he was just a shitty dad because he never did try... but with Taabu he had been so afraid of the little thing. He'd been too young to raise a cub. Or help raise one, for that matter. And Taabu had always been a little... weird... And then with their second litter... well it was so big! And he wasn't afraid this time... it was just too overwhelming.
He could do it this time. He just had to keep telling himself that, right? He wanted to make Sye happy. He really did... being so selfish all the time was wearing him out.
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Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 8:55 pm
She smiled weakly as he pressed his nose against hers, unable to help the sudden mirth. The action was so unlike anything Uumi had ever done, and it really bordered on extreme affection and something almost… cute? Regardless, it was just what she needed to put a little smile back on her face, though she might begin to question his sanity if he started doing too many things like that.
“As long as you try, Uumi, I’ll do what I can to help you, ok?” she almost purred out the last part of the words, slowly beginning to lay herself back down. She really just wanted a good nap right now, and cuddling up to Uumi seemed like the best way to have one. With a little sigh, she shifted herself forward to be more next to him, and then snuggled up to the part of his body she could reach the best. Being pregnant took a lot out of her.
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Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2007 4:45 am
He smiled back at her, feeling really good. As she curled up he sat and watched her, looking down. It was starting to hurt his neck but he didn't care, he'd just done something right. And good. And not because he had to.
He leaned forward and lightly licked the top of her skull before settling himself down in front of her, still slightly pressed close. They made a 'T' never to the river. Shutting his eyes he slowly fell asleep as well.
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