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 Posted: Thu Sep 13, 2007 5:56 pm
It had been two months since she had spoken to anybody. Her body was thinner then usual, and her eyes were usually holding a weary slant. She still held herself well, yet it was clear that something was off. Two incredibly long months had passed, and as she dragged herself into an open stream, she almost wished that ANYBODY was around, be it lessor or equal.
Her life was not what she wanted, and she had spent the summer alone, and it was miserable. It all happened after she talked to her father, and all she felt was complete confusion towards her life. Her father asked her if she was happy, and she couldn't answer. She just walked away from him, as usual.
Solitude was supposedly the Kalona way, and it was a choice and duty. It was also a duty to exterminate lessors, though Loveless had not caused that kind of bloodshed in the two months. She used the excuse of solitude to refrain herself from that kind of violence, since her father's words had effected her so much. It was.. terribly confusing.
Despite that all, she dragged herself next to the stream, and whipped her braid over to her side. Taking in a gulp of water, she let herself swallow happily, before bringing her eyes on the silent area. What a terrible feeling, and she started to think as if she was the only being in existence sometimes.
Soon she would have to confront her father again, and.. figure out more. But until then, she would have to struggle through her emotions, and hide her terrible mindset from the silent world.
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Posted: Thu Sep 13, 2007 6:11 pm
He couldn't believe his eyes. Somehow, he'd managed to make it through the summer months keeping himself focused. He'd met with his father, made the rounds with Dodger, met up with a few old friends, gotten to know his new half-siblings...the world had been his oyster.
But that hadn't been all there was to those months. Anxieties and concerns about himself, his heritage, his potential had all resulted in terrible nightmares and near-constant stress, stress kept hidden from his friends and family. It was only in the presence of Dia that he'd allowed himself to truly give a free rein to those anxieties, and THAT was only because of what she herself was.
In spite of that time and training, though, he hadn't expected to encounter HER again. Especially not now.
As the pale stallion stood in the shadow of the trees, he looked out at the dark mare on the riverbank with undisguised disbelief. That pale blonde mane against that dark body...it could only be one mare. And honestly, he wasn't sure he was ready to talk to her yet.
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Posted: Thu Sep 13, 2007 6:21 pm
A new scent drifted into the air, but Loveless was fooled by her nostrils so many times that summer. She decided to just ignore it, since it was faint against her weak senses. There were many days and nights where she had thought she had smelled something nearby, but with all of the failure she experienced, she gave up hope in looking. It was probably nothing, or at least.. that's what she told herself.
Dragging her body away from the stream, she leaned herself against a small tree so that she could rest under the shade. The summer months were slowly dwindling down, but the sun was its usual hot self. The tree was itchy against her side, but she decided to push through th strange sensation and just drift her eyes throughout the forest. Why was she looking so closely? There was clearly nothing around her!
But then.. something white flashed in her eyes, but only for a second. She was deeply confused, and she tried to make herself focus on where she had seen that. "Hello?" she said faintly, while moving her body away from the tree.
She was probably seeing something, and her eyes were most likely playing crude tricks on her..
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Posted: Thu Sep 13, 2007 6:31 pm
His wings wrapped securely around his body, Antony's paleness (which usually made him stand out like a sore thumb) was basically limited to his head and legs. This had come in handy more than once in his experience, and he'd been about to take advantage of that 'camoflague' to slip away into the dark of the woods proper when something caught his attention.
Hello? Since when did Loveless say 'hello'? For that matter, since when had Loveless sounded that uncertain? Even when she was a foal, she'd been forward and brash, and the last time they'd met...
Closing his eyes, Antony dismissed those memories from his mind; they were simply unpleasant. But even that didn't explain why Loveless was acting irrationally.
He should just leave. That was the smart thing to do.
Yet in spite of that knowledge, he couldn't bring himself to just take off. Inwardly he cursed himself, he and his desire to find out what was strange with this situation. Damn curiousity.
But he wasn't going to just jump into this situation. Oh no, he'd learned his lesson before. Instead, he was going to play it cautious...which is why he, instead of replying, merely drew back and up his wings and took a step forward. There was no way she couldnt' see him if she looked at him, and that was all he needed to see in turn to know what he needed.
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Posted: Thu Sep 13, 2007 6:43 pm
As the supposedly 'imaginary sight' moved out of the shelter of the trees, Loveless gasped at what she saw. Familiar colors, and the hair and wings, a glimpse of a facial expression, and those eyes.. It was Antony. Dear dear Antony.
The last time that they had chatted was a disaster. Just thinking about it made Loveless cringe. She had acted exactly as she was supposed to to Antony (as a 'young' Kalona), and it made her sad. Her father had even singled her out, asking if she had any friends. He demanded to know that if in her supposedly prideful life, where she had brothers and sisters who were Kalonas, if she had any friends in them. Once again, she couldn't give her father and answer, since the true answer was no.
Why did she never give Antony that chance, especially when she had known him for so long? Was she really that cruel? Just thinking about it made her feel disgusting, and she remained silent for a moment or too before speaking.
"Antony.." What else could she say? She was as confused as him!
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Posted: Thu Sep 13, 2007 6:49 pm
"Loveless." A great exchange, right there; very classic, very ridiculous. But beyond that...
"You look terrible." Bluntness was usually one of Antony's negative traits, but there were times when he felt it had it's merits. For one thing, it allowed him to get right to the point in difficult situations...like this one.
She'd been shocked to see him. And what's more, that shock hadn't immeadiately been schooled into a looked of fabricated innocence or a wicked smile like he'd thought. There was no narrowing of eyes, no raising of hackles, no coy smiles or attempts to ingratiate herself to him yet again. All that she'd done was look, look...and gasp.
Since when did she gasp? What was her game? Because there HAD to be some sort of game going on here, there could be no other explanation. She wasn't going to pull one over him, not him. He was ready.
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Posted: Thu Sep 13, 2007 7:11 pm
Did she? Well.. she supposed she did. She hadn't paid attention that much lately since a part of her didn't care. She brought her strange eyes on Antony's, and gave a smile smirk. "Thanks." She inched a few steps closer to where Antony stood, and looked away awkwardly. "I'm not gonna do anything.. if that's why you are being so stiff." Might as well clear the air, though he had every right not to trust her. She could be such a devil, and yet he still approached her? What was he thinking? Even in her other state of mind, she could never actually hurt him. But she knew that her intimidation could be a bit scary.
When she was young and stupid, she used to think that she wanted to change Antony in what he was 'meant' to be. At this moment, looking at him as he was, all she wanted to do was make herself more like him.
"I'm sorry.." her eyes were somewhere else, but her words were directly at Antony. That's all she needed to say, and finally she could do something right. She didn't care what came out of her quiet words to him, but she knew he deserved it. What he didn't deserve, was her terrible comments and actions from before. She was such an idiot, and she couldn't stand it. Her father must have hated her, and forgotten about her shameful self.
Her tail hung limply below her, and her wings were lazily attached to her side. "You look well." That wasn't a surprise, since every time she saw the stallion he looked good. Looking at him helped distract her mind, but it was poking at her suddenly, and thoughts of her father and other Kalonas were exhausting her.
It was strange though, since a part of her didn't care. What was there to care about anymore? Was she loosing it? How embarrassing...
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Posted: Thu Sep 13, 2007 7:20 pm
Ok, she was really starting to disconcert him. He insulted her, a child of PRIDE, and she said 'thanks'? And apologized, and complimented him? It was like he was rolling down a hill covered in snow, and the further he went the bigger he got. Only instead, it was Loveless rolling in the snow, her behavior completely baffling him.
His first reaction was to tell her that everything was fine. To drape a wing around her, hug her close, and stroke her mane with a wing while telling her to buck up and that he was fine. He had thick skin and all that, a necessity when one looked like him but dealt regularly with non-kalonas.
But those first instincts were exactly what he needed to be wary of around kalonas...and she'd clearly indicated to him last time just how much of a kalona she was. He wasn't sure why she was changing her methods...maybe because she'd seen him steel himself against those last time. Besides, wasn't that the way of the kalona? To confuse, befuddle, and then take advantage of the mental confusion to attack?
No, he couldn't let her get to him. Until he knew what was going on, he had to stay focused. But he DID allow himself to loosen up at least a fraction, and move out of the trees.
"Thanks, I suppose. And if I'm stiff, then that's hardly a surprise, is it? It's not every day that you encounter a Soquili that would be more than willing to rip your throat out because of your parentage." Not that she'd threatened him directly, of course...but in threatening 'lessers', she'd challenged the safety of virtually everyone he held dear. THAT was far more threatening than any attack on his person could ever be.
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Posted: Thu Sep 13, 2007 7:46 pm
Sadly, there was nothing she could say to his comment that would make it untrue. Though, Loveless could never hurt Antony like that. She was strangely fond of him, just as she was as a filly. He intrigued her, and she had always hoped she could know him better. "That won't be happening, I assure you. Especially to you." Collecting herself to the best that she could, she straightened her back slightly, and raised her head carefully. "I haven't done that in months, you know."
It was an odd add on to her comment, and she wondered why she would spill such information onto Antony. Its not like he would care, he would probably make fun of her or something. Loveless still had the cravings to eat meat, but she found herself hunting on small prey, just as her father tried teaching her when she was younger. She didn't kill others for that kind of satisfaction anymore, and that's why solitude was so helpful.
"I know I have never talked to you like this.. but I want to try." Well, try to be civil, and normal at least. "I understand though, if the whole trust thing comes into play." she finally looked at him again, with a small smirk on her lips. "I wouldn't trust me either."
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Posted: Thu Sep 13, 2007 8:00 pm
"I'm sure that your assurance is all I need to soothe my nerves...oh wait, it's just the opposite. And I wouldn't know, as a matter of fact, since tailing you for fun and profit has never been a part of my life's goals."
Which is why it annoyed him so much that he had done so much because of her. Ironically, it was because of Loveless, her oblique threats and belittling comments, that he had finally explored his kalona side. She'd told him to embrace it, and he'd done that...in order to fight it. A great paradox, to be sure. Though that was hardly her business.
Straightening up himself, Antony eyed Loveless through narrowed eyes as she went on to explain her desire to talk. Talk like 'this', rather...whatever 'this' meant.
"Trust is only the tip of the iceberg, Loveless." Tossing his mane, the stallion suddenly crossed the space between them, stopping a mere pace away from the mare. Perhaps it was a bit foolish on his part, but he was NOT going to let her intimidate him. And the sooner that was established, the better. He HAD never been good at dancing around the subject. "But if you want to talk like 'this', you can start by telling me what the hell you think you're doing. If this is some new mind game of yours, I can tell you right off the bat that I am not interested in playing."
It felt so good to say this...and for some strange reason, it made him feel powerful. Or rather...in control of the situation. Had Loveless always seemed so small to him?
No....but then, it was strange how confidence could inspire.
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Posted: Thu Sep 13, 2007 8:11 pm
It was strange to see Antony so.. mean. "Pitiful." Loveless finally put a glare on her face, and she walked in the other direction from where Antony had gone. It was uncomfortable seeing him act so strangely, and her body was boiling at his comments. But anger WAS controllable, and she was doing just that. "What happened to your chipper attitude, and your constant smiling face? If you want to take whatever emotions you have in your mind out on me, then I understand. As punishment, I think it is legit enough." She HAD been a monster, afterall.
"But if you are spewing a new attitude out of nowhere, and reclaiming yourself as some 'badass' in front of me, then I am highly disgusted." She paused, and realized how good it felt to talk. "I know I am not one to talk, pulling this.. attitude of mine out onto you. But I am afraid I have no other options, and this is how I, want to act. But you? This is incredibly random." Bringing her unhappy expression back on Antony, she tilted her head and studied him carefully.
"Mind game? No, I am afraid not. Though I am sure that my talking is strange enough as is." She sighed, and rolled her eyes lazily. "What are you doing, Antony?"
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Posted: Fri Sep 14, 2007 7:38 am
Ok, that stung. And not because it was a wild flight of fancy, either. Granted, Loveless has some of the points right, but the idea that he was putting on some act was...
Was WHAT? There was some truth in the matter, he supposed; it wasn't naturally in him to be suspicious, and it went against the grain to be abrasive. But in spite of that, there was no 'act' here, no attempt to blindside her and throw her off balance. That was a kalona trait, and he wasn't a kalona. He WASN'T.
However, he could concede her point, which he did by simply standing as he was, wrapping his wings around his chest but otherwise holding his ground. "You know, there's a funny thing about chipper attitudes, Loveless. It's rather hard to hold them around people you don't care for, and even harder to hold one around someone that has obliquely threatened the lives of those you care about. You might not appreciate the value of Soquili life, but my best friend, my siblings, my FATHER are all included in that class of Soquili that you have made very clear are little more than cattle. You've always been a smart mare, it shouldn't be that hard for you to see the connection."
Tilting his head to one side, the half-kalona then proceded to reagrd Loveless, watching her expression carefully to see how she reacted. But in the meantime, there was another point he had to concede. "But fair enough. You think I'm acting out of character, I think you're acting out of character, we're both off-center. Fair enough."
Not that that really helped much, of course...but the knowledge that she was a little disconcerted helped.
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Posted: Fri Sep 14, 2007 9:16 am
She put a strange smile on her face and trailed her eyes on a rock on the ground. "Didn't you know? I'm not very smart, or brave, or confident. I'm not any of those things at all. I'm quite the opposite of my father." Thank goodness her bangs were covering her eyes, since she figured she looked awfully pathetic. "If I were those things, I wouldn't have gone for what was easy." Following others was the easiest way, and she had failed herself by doing that. That wasn't the way she had been taught, and yet she went for it since it was the most simple.
What Antony and her Father did, and how they lived day by day just doing as they wished, it was something she had never grasped. She knew it was hard for her father to stick up for himself, and yet he didn't seem to care. Nothing ever bothered him, and whether others accepted him or not didn't really matter. How was that possible?
"Hurting others it really sucks you know. I only attacked this couple once, and then I failed. I flew away, but then saw a Unicorn from the sky rushing over, and I knew then that they would be fine. I've seen the couple a few other times, and they still looked happy, even after all of that." After that experience, she realized that she just couldn't do it. She wasn't bloodthirsty, and her anger was the only natural reflex. Her anger didn't permit her to be violent, it just made her grumpy. "What else could I say? Disgracing my father and myself is bad enough, I figured you wouldn't be impressed." A faint laugh left her lips, and she continued to stare off while deciding what she should do with herself.
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Posted: Fri Sep 14, 2007 11:19 am
Was this...an APOLOGY? Nevermind that she had already apologized once, for some strange reason Antony was starting to think that she was serious. The hostile Loveless he remembered hadn't been willing to be so self-deprecating, even insulting, and she DEFINITELY hadn't seemed to care about her father beyond a sneering recognition of what he COULD be.
Damnit if he wasn't starting to believe her. That was probably what she wanted, to lure him into a false sense of security and then-
Realizing where his thoughts were going, Antony gave himself a cold smile. He was doing it again, wasn't he? Assuming the worst, jumping to the most negative conclusions and looking at this whole situation with a cold, calculating, and utterly mercenery viewpoint. Just like a kalona.
How many times had he been woken up by nightmares where he became that which he most hated? Ever since he was a child, he'd been paranoid of becoming the monster that strangers tended to see when they looked at him; the decision to learn self-defense had been haunted by fears of what that knowledge could do to him. Yet he'd felt it for the best; should the unthinkable happen and someone he cared about were in danger, he was the best-suited to intervene, possessing the teeth, wings, and size that made kalona such formidable fighters.
But in spite of those new skills, he was still the same stallion. At least, that was what he kept telling himself. So why, when he himself was so 'nice'...why was he being so hostile?
Damnit.
Narrowing his eyes, Antony glared out over the water, daring it to try and rationalize all of this. Starting with Loveless.
However, the water was less than helpful, and that merely annoyed him more. But it was annoyance directed at something a lot bigger than this situation, and in lieu of a better explanation he only saw one action.
With that, the stallion sighed, then turned and looked at Loveless, a slight hint of a smile on his face. "Do you expect me to challenge this statement that hurting people sucks? Because I'm hardly going to argue."
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Posted: Fri Sep 14, 2007 4:49 pm
His smile brought back a happy memory, and she glanced at him quietly. She remembered the first time she had seen him as a filly, and he was of course smiling back then. If she could have it her way, she would only want to see Antony as smiley. It didn't make sense for him to react any other way, and it also just felt weird to see him frowning.
Talking to Antony was hard, and it hit her suddenly as she was watching him. All of the mistakes she had made, all of the things she had said... it wasn't going to just wash over like that. It probably was never going to wash over, and Antony wouldn't forgive her like her father would. He had already put his trust in her once, and she had denied it. But he didn't seem to understand that ignoring him was her main plan back then.
"My actions were.. terrible Antony. I didn't want to hurt you, so I had to get away from you. As much as that is twisted in its own way, please understand. My intentions were for the better, I could never hurt you or Guilian.." With a sigh, she leaned herself on another tree and thought long and hard about what to say to him. The words were in her mind, but she found it impossible to let herself speak out. For two months all she did was think, and now she finally had a chance to talk. She wasn't doing the best job in communicating, and it was frustrating her.
"Its going to be a long road from here.. but I think it will be better." letting herself finally smile, she looked up to see a patch of birds flying off into the distance. "I don't know if I deserve a second chance, but hell, I am going to try." her eyes were a bit watery, but she blinked to get the moisture out before it could draw attention to them.
Once a monster, always a monster? She certainly hoped not...
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