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 Posted: Fri Sep 07, 2007 10:03 pm
I am finally working on a story I can stick to and I have about 9 pages written but there are flaws. Right now it's divided into two parts. The beginning and the rest of the story. The beginning I think I can figure out and pretty easily connect to the rest. It's the middle part that has flaws.
1) It's confusing. In the story, my character has been put under some kind of forced astral projection spell. Her body is lying in a hospital hooked up to a feeding tube and various monitors. Her "ghost form" as I'm calling it is forced to stay in the room because if she goes too far from her body, she starts to weaken and could die. Only her friends and family can see her and it gets confusing going back and forth between "ghost Tara" and her body. So, I may edit that.
2) Too much dialogue. Not enough detail. How do I cure that? Most of the dialogue is needed so the reader knows what's going on but I need detail to not only expand the story a bit more but make the length longer because I want it to eventually be a novel. (One of a series, actually, since I'm using my RP characters and using some events from RP stories as part of their past)
3) I need some real drama! There's two parts of this. Tara has a boyfriend who, at the beginning, doesn't know she's a witch and she's kept it a secret for a very long time. I currently have that when it's revealed that he forgives her. Then, I thought, no, that's boring and too good to be true. So, I need help figuring out his reaction but still have him help undo the spell.
3b- My villaness. The villaness behind this is Tara's half-sister who is a master of the dark arts and will curse anyone who looks at her wrong. She feels she's been tramatically wronged by Tara's whole family when their father divorced her mother to marry Tara's so she's out to make them suffer no matter the cost. Is this too psycho or is it lame or what? She might be a recurring character in other parts of the series. (definitely the prequels that will be written when this is complete but I'm not sure of anything after)
If you'd like to read what I have, PM me. I tried not to give too much away but some of it was necessary to get my points across about what I'm looking for. I'm so excited I have what I have because I never get more than one or two pages before getting stuck. I want to actually finish this so any advice will be appreciated.
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Posted: Mon Sep 17, 2007 12:12 pm
I think it sounds like you're blocking it all in pretty well.
I'm personally against having black and white 'bad' and 'good' characters.
No one in life is truly one or the other, and they're MUCH more interesting with flaws. I love characters with phobias, for example, because part of the draw for the reader is thinks 'will they ever get over this and be in control of themselves?' I had a character a while back that was afraid of enclosed spaces... it gave me a lot more to work with, and he ended up being one of my favorites.
I think the boyfriend should have some sort of history outside of Tara. Who he was as a child, etc. Perhaps he was used in some sort of ritual, and is emotionally scarred? Then, he has to choose Her and magic, or neither.
And the dialog, I will say- after rping with you for awhile, you're good at giving your characters a real familiarity with one another (the dialog flows well), but the villains were a bit cliche. Mine were too, honestly O.o, lol.
I'm not sure how well I do mine (easier to see other people's flaws, etc), but I like to add little details that tell more about the character, instead of just saying 'the sky was pretty', or whatever, I might say 'though the sky was pretty, Tara (whoever) wasn't looking, her heart was heavy.'
Did any of this help?
Also, if you get a moment, I'd like to know what you think of my writing, too- we've rp'd I can handle it! biggrin
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Posted: Thu Sep 27, 2007 5:30 pm
please don't get offended by this! First of it's a novel you can use as much dialogue as you want to as long as there is plenty of details. The villaness isn't lame or psycho but it is kinda typical. that can easily be fixed with some extra minor details so that really isn't a biggy. and with the boyfriend thing i can really help with that because i am pagan and the exact same thing happened to me once(well obviously not the whole put under a spell thing). With the boyfriend thing when he finds out she's a witch what you could do is after a while when he finds out he still has some sort of feeling (whether friendly or whatever.....it's your story) and he decides to let him know.
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