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 Posted: Fri Sep 07, 2007 12:37 am
Ok, today i was in the junior quad of our school, just passing through, minding my own business. Then some of the year 8 boys just started yelling out my name, so i gave them a glare and kept walking. Then they started yelling out 'lesbian'. They must've thought it was outstandingly clever to yell out my sexuality, as if it was some sort of a joke or insult.
Because it's not. I'm proud of who i am.
It's like me yelling out a characteristic of one of them. Like 'straight' or 'blonde' or 'narrow minded ignorant ******** wit'.
The worst part of all this is that i let it get to me. I know i shouldn't care what 10 or so people whom i don't even associate think of me. But i do. It just hurts knowing that i can never change who i am, and they can never accept it. Even more so that a lot of people still think like that.
A similar situation happened last year. I've heard snickers, i have seen the way some people look at me, and how the ******** can i ignore a group of people yelling at me, screaming my name? Hell I've even had things thrown at me.
'sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me'
Pfft yeah sure. Whoever came up with that has never had the treatment I've had.
Another thing that pisses me off. How they can enjoy a show of their popular female friends hooking up infront of them, but when it comes to someone who is quiet and withdrawn, someone who hasn't even given them a second glance they will discriminate. What the ******** is the difference? The fact that i keep my affections to my girlfriend private and how i actually feel for her?
Yeah big whoop.
If i had a switch blade when they were yelling today i can guarantee at least 3 of them would be on the ground. Or if i'm still in a rage on when i see one of them im going to beat the absolute s**t out of one of them. Maybe he will get a taste of how i feel. Just maybe.
I can't even get issues like this addressed, because the teacher i always speak to about my issues is away marking HSC performances. She wont be back for a week or so. Even when she is back there's not much she can do. Whenever a teacher pushes for homophobic issues to be addressed, the automatic reaction is to look at me.
I'm sick of this.
Sick of how such a seemingly insignificant characteristic is so significant.
Sick of the fact that there's nothing i can do to stop people like that, without me being the one in trouble.
Sick of how i live in a town of narrow minded homophones.
Sick of how word travels in a small town.
Sick of all the torment.
Sick of me getting upset over this.
Sick of ignoring all these issues, so they build up.
Sick of how little situations like these trigger a rage and thoughts of horrible past experiences.
Sick of feeling so helpless and pathetic.
Even coming here to talk about it makes me feel shitty. I wish i at least had some one to talk to who has been through this. I do feel moderately better that i have got this off my chest though.
And sorry about using the main forum as a diary of my deeper thoughts. It's just one less thing i'm going to shift to the back of my mind and ignore. Heck i'll probably add to this and make it novel length after some more thinking, this is only a small portion of it.
On a brighter note, this has put my in an excellent composing mood. So I'll probably be doing that for the rest of the day.
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Posted: Fri Sep 07, 2007 8:03 am
Yay for rainy days, they clear my mind.
To set others aside and below themselves, they try to raise their 'coolness', which just means their lives suck anyways to start with, and because they have no clue how life works, they think making others look bad, makes them look good. Ignoring them would be the best way, though when they throw things, just say to the police or teachers you were being assaulted, since you were, and they should be punished in a way. 'Telling on them' isn't a bad thing if it is to stop violence and abuse of others. Though if the teachers are homophobes, just take it higher up to the head of the school board, skip the school itself for waiting on a reply.
Have other things to add, but they aren't for public view.
I find just being out in nature can calm me down, and clear out my thoughts. Just have to find a place away from the city life stuff to rest for a few hours.
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Posted: Fri Sep 07, 2007 3:16 pm
I'm so sorry you have to deal with s**t like that. They have absolutely no reason for acting like that. I know it's really hard to ignore everything, but that's probably what will help the most. If you just block out everything they say to you, life would be a lot easier. If anyone says anything negative to me about me, I either ignore them or say "Thanks" and then smile at them. It works for me, and I hope it helps you 3nodding
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Posted: Sat Sep 08, 2007 2:57 am
Thanks for the responses guys. :3
I been painting little Warhammer figurines and been on Gaia a lot of today, so I do feel a heap better now XP
But i'll be sure to talk to my teacher when she gets back. She's not a homophobe, she has a daughter who is gay so i think she's probably best to talk to about this kinda stuff. That and she's my fav. teacher.
But yerrrh..
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Posted: Sat Sep 08, 2007 7:55 am
I prefer Magic the Gathering for my nerdiness. My friends play 40k though.
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Posted: Sun Sep 09, 2007 5:33 am
Ah ok. I'm not really into warhammer, but making all the scenes and painting them is fun biggrin
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Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 4:18 am
metal_mulisha_degan@hotmail.com
drinky_619@hotmail.com
There's two of the main people who were doing it. If you want to sign them up for gay porn or something. That's what i'm doing anyways :0
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Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 8:09 am
`Roguey metal_mulisha_degan@hotmail.com drinky_619@hotmail.com There's two of the main people who were doing it. If you want to sign them up for gay porn or something. That's what i'm doing anyways :0 You also need to try sex meds, credit cards, and non-profit organizations.
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Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 3:03 pm
Oh yeah!
Lol, i wasn't sure if you would approve of that >.<
But yeah, i'll be sure to sign him up for those too razz
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Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 1:31 pm
[Psychologist mode surprised n]Word of advice. People suck, they're afraid of change. So if something that might result in something changing drastically. They'll do everything from,physical violence to name calling and cold glares.
I know its hard to get what they say out of your thoughts. I know how you feel even though i went to an arts school. Gay guys were popping up from the bathroom stalls but when you came out as a lesbian its like."Umm...yeah....YAY GAY GUYS!" We also had the religious freaks and the dance majors who didn't want gay guys/ girls in the changing rooms. That went well with the school. -Sarcasm-
But, what i did to get out excess aggression is i joined (Was forcefully dragged/threatened) Into volleyball. I concentrated on sports and soon enough people started seeing me as a athlete instead of the Dyke in the class of '06.You may not like volleyball or sports or anything like that. but how about theatre or an art class some where where you can go just to release .
Soon enough the people that put you down will be regretting it when you upstage them in every which way and form smile [psychologist mode:Off]
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Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 2:37 pm
You know what I do?
I laugh at their mediocrity...at their stupidity mature-less, lack of thinking, lack of recognizing their ridiculous way of life because they are LESS than ANIMALS...
the phobe: twisted f**!!
me: rofl yay..!
confused wth...
domokun
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Posted: Fri Sep 14, 2007 3:32 am
Lol, yeah i do feel a bit better about myself since im more buff then all of them (without being overly butch). But i dunno. My gf told me to find out who they have crushes on and go and pay off the girls to go tell them that they like me. I reckon that would be a pretty great idea. XP
But alas, i don't have the money needed.
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Posted: Fri Sep 14, 2007 11:25 pm
`Roguey Lol, yeah i do feel a bit better about myself since im more buff then all of them (without being overly butch). But i dunno. My gf told me to find out who they have crushes on and go and pay off the girls to go tell them that they like me. I reckon that would be a pretty great idea. XP But alas, i don't have the money needed. if your girlfriend's up for it, and you can both do this, just get 1 or 2 and pay them to kiss you or hold hands with you in front of them^^
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