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Crouching low to the ground, Thomas takes a fistful of dirt examining it closely. Letting it run through his fingers he studies the texture and color of the dirt. Standing up he puts out an arm as a silvery gray falcon lands on it.
"Well, Steve, looks like we're lost,again. I'll find shelter and some firewood."

Many firstborn sons, in fact almost all firstborn sons, when they become adults, take on the family business. They are actually quite successful, as their parents teach them everything they need to know to be successful.
Thomas is not one of these firstborn sons. In fact, at the age of 18 Thomas has just now decided what he wants to do with his life. He wants to be a ranger. Now thats fine, but his parents are wizards.

"Well atleast i can use my magic to keep us warm right," exclaims Thomas as he turns a spark he made with 2 stones into a larger fire. Steve just gave him the usual look which asks the question, 'why haven't you realized your feathers are all gone?'

Now Steve is actually a very intelligent bird, all falcons are. However, unlike parrots and ravens are far too intelligent to admit it. Life is much easier if everything thinks you're just some dumb animal, plus it means you can poop on whatever you want.

"Yeah you probably don't understand a word I say do you? I guess it is pretty cool i got you as a familiar though. I guess it's because I am so good with manipulation, especially the wind. I mean, I was the first student to learn to fly without magic."

There are many theories on flight. Such as, throwing yourself at the ground and missing or jumping in the air and forgeting to come back down. They are both wrong. The real secret of flight is convincing the air that it wants to be underneath you. Once you learn how to, it's quite easy as the air is not a terribly intelligent being.

"Oh well, we'll try again tomorrow morning. Goodnight, Steve."
"WAKE UP, YOU LAZY BUM!"
"What? Who said that," yelled a very startled and tired Thomas, who at the moment was swinging a sword, which was still in its sheath, in self-defense.
"I did. Put that thing down. You won't harm anyone with it in its sheath, and i wont hurt you."
"Huh? I still don't see you."
"Yes you do. I'm Steve, the falcon. I'll explain since you look even more terrified now than before. When animals become familiars we gain magic boosting qualities."
"Yes, I know that."
"Will you let me talk?"
"But that's the problem! Falcons aren't supposed to talk!"
"What about parrots? They talk all the time and no one says a bloody thing about it. Anyway, as I was saying before i was so rudely interrupted, when we become familiars we also gain intelligence. With your smarter animals, such as falcons and camels, where more intelligence won't help at all, we gain the ability to talk."
"Hold on, camels?"
"Oh yeah. They're genius mathmeticians. Why do you think they're so good at spitting?"
"Ok, what about dogs? They're smart."
"Dogs? They have a single figure iq. Do you honestly think that something that will chase its own tail and then wonders why it hurts when it bites down on the thing."
"Thats a good point. But don't call me a bum."
"You are a bum though."
"No I'm not."
"You want to be a ranger so you don't have to have a job, so you won't have a house to clean, and so you can go where ever you want."
"Yes exactly."
"Sounds like a bum to me."

that story was funny

I LOVE IT!!! exsept one thing, RANGERS AREN'T BUMS scream