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Alrighty, this should be the last sticky I have to make for the guild. xd Sorry there are so many.

This sticky is meant to highlight some of the different aspects of dating, ideas for dates, etc etc. Also included will be some information on online dating.


Table of Contents:
Post 1 - Dating Ideas.
Post 2 - Internet dating: Pro's and con's, and things to be careful of.
Post 3 - Additional tidbits about dating, and any articles related to dating.
Post 4 - Age and maturity differences in a relationship, and how to tell if a guy is just in the relationship for sex or not.
Post 5 - Words of advise for those who've been through/are going through a break-up.
Post Six: Polygamy and polyamory information.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. heart

This thread will take a look at online dating, and some of the pro's and con's. It will also look at some of the dangers and downsides to online dating, and things people should be careful of.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. heart
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Internet Dating

I will come straight out and say I'm not a huge fan of online dating. I did have an online relationship back when I was 14 (the one I had before that doesn't count, the guy was an a*****e and I wasn't old enough to know better), and that didn't turn out well due to reasons beyond our control.
I don't see the point in it, especially if you're capable of finding someone locally to date. However, I will hold my tongue in this thread, and will do my best to look at both sides of the issue. sweatdrop heart


Pro's of online dating:

- You can talk to someone over a webcam or phone.
- Not having to spend money on dates.
- Some people might get a kick out of knowing that someone loves them, all the way from the other side of the world (or wherever the other person lives).
- You can fall in love with someone for who they are, not just what they look like.


Con's of online dating:

- Spending money on phone cards/internet fees to talk to someone.
- Online relationships generally take more patience, trust and committment.
- Not being able to see/talk to your partner whenever you want, due to distance issues.
- Might be expensive to travel and see the other person.
- The person could be lying about who they are (more on that later).
- Family might disapprove.
- People can act totally different online and have a completely different persona online, than how they really are offline.
- After showing pictures, you might find your person of interest unattractive.


I know there are way more con's than pro's, but I couldn't think of any, so if you have more for the "pro's" list, post and I'll add them.

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Dangers of Online Dating:

Some things to consider if you're thinking of having an online relationship:

- This person could by lying about who they are. They could be lying about their age, gender, sexuality, etc. They can show you pictures that aren't theirs, and act like someone very different from their own persona.

- It's possible to be in an abusive online relationship. My first-ever relationship, the one that I said didn't count, was with a Mexican guy, if I remembered it right. He spoke spanish I think, but he was a few years older, and turned out to be very controlling. Even though he lived thousands of miles away, he didn't want me talking to any other guys, even my male online friends. Obviously I eventually smartened up and ended things.

- There are online ***** and sexual predators, and even though most people probably think "oh it won't happen to me", can you honestly be 100% sure that someone you've talked to online isn't a sexual predator? There are people who will try to lure children and young teenagers to meet them someplace, and then they are snatched and never seen again.
On A&E the other night, there was a show that highlighted the dangers of online dating and sexual predators online. If it's on again, or if you know how to get a copy of it, watch it - it was a good show.

- If there is a sexual aspect to the relationship, and one of the persons involved is a minor, the other person can get in trouble for it, and possibly go to jail. 18 is the age of being a legal adult, so just be careful. Know your local laws, and be informed, lest one or both of you get in trouble.

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Some helpful advice from one of our guild members who is in a long-term, online relationship:


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More will be added later. heart

This post will contain a look on the age and maturity gaps in relationships, and will also give tips on how to tell whether or not a guy is in a relationship just for the sex.
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Age and Maturity Gaps in a Relationship

I will do my best not to be biased in this article, as I think people with an age gap of 2+ years (with both people being younger than 19 or 20) is wrong. So I will try to be as neutral as I can.

I don't really know how to go about this. There are so many things to be aware of if you're dating someone who's much older than you are. I guess I'll just list them off as they come to me.

1) Age.
Some parents are uncomfortable with their children dating someone older than they are. A lot of parents set an "able to date age" of 16, which I personally agree with. Other parents don't really care who their child dates. But if you're 14 and you're dating a 17 or 18 year old, you're going to get a lot of funny looks when you go out in public. The fact is, someone of that age should probably be able to date someone their own age - and if they're resorting to dating a 14 or 15 year old child, a lot of people are going to ask why.

Before I continue, something to clear up. I do call any teens younger than 17 "children", and some people take offense to this. Here is why I do it.
Can someone of say, age 15, do the following things legally:
- Drink? No.
- Drive? Depends on the local laws.
- Consent to sex? Depends on the local age of consent laws. Also depends on statutory rape laws.
- Buy/sell/be in porn? No.
- Smoke? Depends on local laws. Many places will not allow it until the age of 18 or 19.
- Gamble? No.
- Vote? No.
- Have a job? Depends on local labor laws.

So if a 15 year old cannot do any of the things a legal adult can do, why should they not be called children? They are minors, no? They usually have to live at home and are reliant on their parents, no? Just some things to consider.


2) Maturity gaps.
So a 14 year old is dating an 18 year old. Let's take a look at where they are in their lives. A 14 year old is probably either in high school, or going into it. They are still very much in puberty, still living at home, and they probably don't have a job yet. Most are not sure what they want to do with their lives yet.

On the other hand, most 18 year olds have graduated and have moved on to working at a job, and/or going to post-secondary schooling. Most have finished puberty, or are almost through with it. Many have career plans, or goals at least for what they want to be when they're older.

Or take the example of a 16 or 17 year old dating someone in their 20's. This would get a lot of strange looks, in the first place. And again, a 16 or 17 year old would still be in high school probably. They might have a job, but are probably still living at home. Many don't have a steady income. Some still don't know what they want to do with their lives once they're out of high school.

Whereas someone in their 20's probably has a good job with an income of some sort. Many have moved out and are living on their own, or with someone else. Some might be married. Some might have plans to have children. Most adults in their 20's have a degree, or some form of post-secondary education that they can use to further their careers.

People in such relationships with big age gaps have to be careful. There are lots of maturity gaps, especially in the teenage years. I can look back now, at 19, and see how much I have matured since I have graduated, or even since I was 18. A lot of things change. People change.


3) Legal concerns.
Self-explanatory. According to information that I think was provided by ButterBalls, in the US if someone is 2+ years older than the person they're sleeping with, it's statutory rape - even if they're both minors (or something like that - check the Age of Consent sticky). In Canada, the age of consent is 16, but I think if one of the person's is over 18 and is sleeping with a minor, it's statutory rape. (Someone can post information to back that up/contradict it, since I'm not sure of the legalities myself)
Regardless, it's still something to consider if you're in such a relationship. Is it really worth the risk? Is it worth your partner going to jail if you two are caught? What if your partner is labelled a sex offender, and has to live with that label for the rest of their lives? Would it still be worth it then?

I don't mean to be condescending, just trying to be serious. I don't see the point of taking the risk, and am trying to give points why it might not be a good idea to be in such a relationship.
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Tips On Relationships

I was asked to provide tips/information on how to tell if someone is dating someone just for sex. Feel free to post to add your own tips. smile


How to Tell if Someone Is Dating You For Sex:

- They ask you verbally.
- They hint at it constantly.
- They ask you constantly.
- They are overly sexual, in how they talk or act. (ie - lots of innuendo when it's not necessary, etc.)
- They make a lot of moves at you (ie - trying to grope your breasts all the time, trying to kiss you a lot, etc).
- They put you in situations that might lead to sex.
- They try to get you drunk/high on drugs, in hopes that you might let your guard down and sleep with them - or in hopes that you will relax enough for them to take advantage of you.

That's all I can think of right now, sorry, but I'll add more later if I can think of it. heart

Polygamy Information

- http://www.polygamyinfo.com/frontdoor.htm

- http://www.wordsources.info/words-mod-polygamyPt1.html

- http://www.2wives.com/links/

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Taken from: http://www.answers.com/topic/polygamy

Polygamy:
1) The condition or practice of having more than one spouse at one time. Also called plural marriage.

2) Zoology. A mating pattern in which a single individual mates with more than one individual of the opposite sex.

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Taken from: http://www.answers.com/topic/polygyny

Polygamy:
1) The condition or practice of having more than one wife at one time.

2) Zoology. A mating pattern in which a male mates with more than one female in a single breeding season.

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Taken from: http://www.religionnewsblog.com/9850

A girl who disappears from her polygamous community could be a "poofer," slang for a new bride in an arranged marriage who has been hidden or moved to another state or country (as in, "poof, she's gone").

Wearing red clothing might offend members of a fundamentalist group who believe Satan wears that color to imitate Christ. Sister-wives are women married to the same man at the same time.

Members of one polygamous group say a divorced person has been "released" from marriage.

These factoids are more than just interesting trivia. They are part of "The Primer," a new manual designed to help law enforcement and social services personnel assist victims of domestic violence and child abuse from polygamous communities.

The Utah Attorney General's Office produced the manual with help from the Arizona Attorney General's Office, government agencies, nonprofit groups, fundamentalists who support plural marriage and people who have left the polygamous lifestyle.

"The Primer" - which was put online Thursday at http://attorneygeneral.utah.gov/polygamy.html - includes a history of polygamy, a glossary of terms, descriptions of fundamentalist groups and their practices, training exercises and a list of resources.

Judy Kasten Bell, executive director of the Utah Domestic Violence Council, one of the groups that worked on the manual, said it is an important tool for service providers.

"It will help us reach out and respond to calls that are coming in from polygamous families," she said.

Anne Wilde, a widowed plural wife and member of Principle Voices of Polygamy, a Utah group that represents polygamous families, agrees the manual will "build some bridges."

The manual has a dual role, educating agency workers about how to deal with members of the culture and letting plural wives know the government is willing to help them with benefits and other services, she said.

"We want them to know there are people in the government who are willing to help them," said Wilde, whose group helped develop the guide.

The manual will be updated as more contributors chime in, said Paul Murphy, a spokesman for the Utah Attorney General's Office.

"We received input from hundreds of people," he said. "I imagine we'll hear from hundreds more."

Money for the project came out of a $700,000 federal grant to help domestic violence victims from polygamous and rural communities in Utah and Arizona.
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Polyamory Information

Taken from: http://www.uncharted-worlds.org/bi/bi_rel.htm

More on non-monogamy and polyamory
Not all non-monogamous relationships involve bisexuality or even homosexuality. E.g. one woman may have two male partners who are not sexual with each other. But non-monogamy is associated with bisexuality in many people's minds, so it's a subject that tends to come up in bi-education. Also, bisexuality and non-monogamy have a stereotype in common: that someone is indiscriminate about their sexual choices.
Some people use the term polyamory to refer to multiple relationships. (Sometimes including love-relationships that don't become sexual at all, or have been sexual but no longer are; on the other hand, sometimes only meaning relationships that include sex.) Polyamory always means honest relationships, not two-timing or cheating.

Most people seem to consider non-monogamy a wider term than polyamory: polyamory usually implies the possibility of multiple long-term love relationships, whereas for some people, non-monogamy might mean simply having casual sex with more than one partner. On the other hand, some of the people who identify as non-monogamous are doing exactly what others would call polyamory, but prefer (for various reasons) not to use the word.

Multiple relationships can take different shapes. Where one person has two lovers who are not themselves lovers, that's sometimes called a "V". Where three people are each sexually/emotionally committed exclusively to the other two, that's sometimes called a polyfidelitous triangle. (Again, bisexuality need not be implied - it could be three people of the same sex.)

Some polyamorous relationships include lifelong commitments to one or more of the partners involved (such as when someone has two "wives", or two "husbands", even though in many countries such relationships are not recognised as marriages in law).

Not all of one person's relationships are necessarily designed identically. For instance, some people have one partner they call their primary partner and other lovers who are more part-time. Or, for some people, sex can be a possible expression of close friendship, and what happens depends on each friendship.

Most polyamorous relationships include promises which, while not necessarily lifelong, set out boundaries for the relationship. These may include promises about sex (e.g. to practise safer sex with everyone except the primary partner, or to have sex at all only inside declared, committed relationships), promises to be honest, promises to check in with the other person (or people) when making plans, or other agreements.

Some people identify all the time as polyamorous ("poly" for short) because they know themselves to have the capacity for multiple relationships, even though they may currently be with one partner or no partner. People who call themselves poly may nevertheless choose to stay monogamous with a particular person - perhaps because their partner asks them to be monogamous, or simply because that feels right to both people at the time.


Challenges of multiple relationships
Could you be in a multiple relationship? One of the big factors is how much time each person wants to spend with you and whether you have enough time and energy to share yourself out like that.
Another big factor is whether you're good at listening to others and asking for what you want. Honest communication is vital, as is keeping your promises. Of course, these qualities are at the heart of loving, supportive monogamous relationships too.

Some people feel much more secure in monogamous relationships, so that polyamory may either be practically impossible for them, or seem so difficult that it isn't worth the bother.

Jealousy is not necessarily a sign that multiple relationships would be impossible. Some people use it more as a sign that something needs sorting out. Perhaps someone is not getting enough time, or needs more information to reassure them that another relationship of their partner's won't be at their expense. You may need to work out new boundaries that everyone can live with.


Advantages of multiple relationships
One of the most obvious advantages of multiple relationships is that you're not relying on one partner to provide everything you want, whether sexually or socially. Even monogamous people have friends they meet for particular social activities they might not do with their partner, and no-one thinks that's weird.
Some people also think of it as a political choice - rejecting the cultural imperative that the only valid form of love/sex relationship is a couple of one man, one woman.

Also, there can sometimes be more emotional stability in, say, a committed triangle, than in a couple. If one person is having a bad time, they have two partners (as well as perhaps friends or family) to support them, and if one pair is arguing, the third person may be able to see clearly what's going on and support them both in resolving the argument. This is not necessarily true of all multiple relationships, though - it depends on the dynamics of each one, and how well the different partners know each other.

When you're getting what you need yourself, it can be very joyful to see someone you love being happy with someone else. This feeling of benevolence, love and enjoyment is known as compersion or being "frubbly".

Of course, there are also people in the world who cheat on their partners, and there are still people who practise non-monogamy in a way that doesn't work for their partners. But they should not be taken as representing the whole genre of non-monogamy. There are honest and dishonest ways to do these things, and thoughtful and thoughtless ways, and the honest, thoughtful ways can work extraordinarily well.

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- http://www.cat-and-dragon.com/stef/Poly/Labriola/open.html

- http://www.laps.org/intro.html

- http://www.vexen.co.uk/human/poly.html
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More to come later! heart

Hmmm thats very cool, I'm often worrying about what I wear. Mainly because three fourths of my wardrobe is suits and formal clothing. Suits, and covering clothes make me comfortable, and give me a feeling of order. But unfortunatly I feel aqward because while everyone is relaxed I still seem to be strung tightly. When I'm relaxed many think I'm being serious, and that gives me trouble. When I stand in a room full of relaxed people I look like a statue, and because I give quick yes or no answers I seem unpleasant.

Is it alright to dat while your married? Is it even called a date?

man i wouldnt be able to stand it if people wore suits around me. id feel so underdressed. talk2hand

I wonder if guys like it when girls make the moves, or do they feel the need to do it themselves?