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 Posted: Mon Aug 13, 2007 8:30 am
Hello everyone!! I'm currently writing a story and i want to know what people think about it. if i get good feedback on it then i will most certainly continue on it. Tell me what you think!! xd
The trees swayed in a continuous rhythm as the moon shown, casting strange shadows across the ground. A single black raven swooped down and landed on one of the knotted branches of a tree. It stared into the carefully hidden tree house watching the young, beautiful Elven woman, busy crafting a gown for morning’s gathering. As the raven watched, it carefully took in every detail of the woman. Her delicate black hair wrapped neatly in scarlet and braided with shells, beads and scarlet scales. Her eyes, the color of newly green leaves. The beautifully pointed tips of her smooth ears, decorated with artfully crafted earrings of gems, jewels and gold. The way she walked effortlessly across the floor, searching for the right fabrics.
The raven shifted its eyes to the sky, feeling its Master call upon him. With one swift jump the raven was airborne flying to where his Master waited, eager for his nights watching and images. The raven arrived just before dawn, having flown quite a way. The flight wasn’t necessarily hard on him. The mountain winds where at bay, having flown over them as quickly as he could, and the air wasn’t brewing yet with the oncoming storm. He spread out his wings, landing on the top-most ledge of a stone castle, to where his master’s balcony was. The raven gave a low caw, signaling that he had arrived. He watched, as his Master appeared from the shadows.
She held her hand out to the raven and whistled a single note, watching the raven jump onto it. She whistled two more notes signaling that she was about to start the Sight. She closed her eyes and began concentrating. In her mind flowed the images of the Elven Beauty. She watched what the raven saw and memorized everything about her. When she was finished and saw no more of the woman, she separated the connection and finished the Sight. “You’ve been a good servant, Raven. It is time for your services to be paid,” she said, in a voice that was slightly husky. She snapped her fingers and two woman servants came up, bowing to their Master. “Come here, Raelin.” She said motioning to the one on the left. The servant walked forward her blonde hair falling into her eyes, as she bowed her head. “I want you to take Raven and bring him down to the dungeons. He can have his feast from whoever is down there. Make sure he only has one though. I have other servants who may be in need of some payments.” When her Master finished speaking, the servant dipped her head again and carried Raven away. “Now that that is taken care of, I do believe that I have something for you to do. Come with me.” She led her other servant into her quarters, motioning her to sit on the bed. Her master walked over to her and took her chin into her hands, her skin feeling smooth and warm. She leaned her head in and kissed her on her lips, softly then more passionately. She eased her servant down onto the bed, her auburn colored hair pooling around her head. She leaned her head down to her neck and started kissing the smooth skin. ((sorry i cant post more of this. i need to keep it PG-13. )) sweatdrop
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Posted: Mon Aug 13, 2007 12:49 pm
Here is the next part. hope you like it.
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It was almost morning and Litalin needed to finish making her gown. Having spent all night working on it she doubted that she would be able to finish it in time. She ran about her tree house looking for the exact color of fabric that would go with her gown. She thought her gown was beautiful. It had the scarlet color of a Dragon’s eye and the sheen of black opal. It was her pride and joy and she was hoping to wear it. She ran to her chair that was crafted out of sun-wood and grabbed the pile a fabric that sat there. She rummaged through and found exactly what she needed. The color was as white as snow, but it had a faint dapple of gray. This is exactly what she needed. She cut the fabric into what she needed and sewed it into her scarlet gown. She had made the gown with just enough time for her to do her hair the way she wanted.
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Posted: Tue Aug 14, 2007 8:48 am
another part =]
She went into her bathe room and began working on her hair. She carefully braided her long black strands with scarlet twine decadent with jewelry the shape of leaves hanging from it. At the end of her hair she tied a scarlet bow, making sure it looked elegant and beautiful. When she was done with her hair she went into her room to put on her dress. She quietly took her own tapestries off and let them pool in a pile on the floor. (((can't put in what i want here. PG-13 ))) She walked over to where her dress was and carefully pulled it on, it feeling snug and comfortable against her skin. With that all taken care of, and after seeing the reflection in the mirror, she smiled to herself. She was going to have the best dress there and she couldn’t wait to see what everyone would think. no comments yet.... is it that bad??? gonk
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Posted: Tue Aug 14, 2007 9:45 am
Meh. I'll keep posting until someone tells me it's horrible. xp
Savrial didn’t want to go to the gathering. It was going to be another debate on what to do about the problems in Rhilateardon. There wasn’t really anything wrong around here. The Dark Queen, Toreal, hasn’t been up to anything lately and the village has been left peaceful. She sighed and got ready to go. She walked out of the door to her elaborate pavilion and looked up into the sky. Off in the distance the dark menacing clouds of the upcoming storm loomed. She was hoping the gathering would be done before it got here. She sighed again and walked to an enormous farmhouse, where her Dragon awaited. Her Dragon was her pride and joy. There weren’t many Dragons around anymore and she was pleased to be one of the Elves to have one, not that you could really own a dragon. She walked into the dusty farm and smelled smoke. She must have had something to eat, she guessed. “Greel,” she called, waiting for the Dragon to appear. She heard a noise from the rafters and suddenly Greel appeared in front of her. The Dragon was a great sight. It’s scales where black but they shimmered with red, green, white, and blue. Her head was massive to accommodate with her body and her eye’s where scarlet. Her wings where magnificent and beautiful, matching everything about her. “We need to leave now, in order to get to the gathering on time,” she said to Greel. The Dragon huffed, black smoke rising from it’s nostrils. “You’ll have plenty of time to rest there. Now we need to go.” With that being said, Savrial led the Dragon out into the clearing in front of the barn. Greel lowered her head and Savrial climbed up gracefully having done it hundreds of times before. She gave the signal and Greel took a bounding leap into the air spreading her great wings. She spiraled upward into the air quickly rising above the clouds. Savrial sat on the bottom of Greel’s neck allowing her to spread her wings before they had to go down for a landing. After a few more moments of twirling in the air and Greel catching some birds in the air to snack on, she motioned for her to start heading down. When they broke through the clouds Savrial could see almost all of the elves gathered below awaiting the beginning of the gathering. She flew in closer, flying directly over the Elves’ heads, hoping to liven up the crowd.
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Woooooooooooh!!!! Dragons!!!
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Posted: Wed Aug 22, 2007 11:43 pm
i like it. you're really good at writing details.
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Posted: Thu Aug 23, 2007 8:54 am
wooooh! I feel loved!!
I need to write some more of it. I'll post again soon!!
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Posted: Sun Sep 02, 2007 11:59 am
I also like this, continue with the story. Hey u could also post it on fictionpress.com since this is an origional work. fictionpress is free.
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Posted: Fri Sep 07, 2007 1:23 pm
Gothic_Pheonix I also like this, continue with the story. Hey u could also post it on fictionpress.com since this is an origional work. fictionpress is free.
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Posted: Fri Sep 14, 2007 6:17 pm
Hey can you send me the whole story? I want to know everything that happens ^///^ plz!? if you want i can give youmy email of somthing or u could PM the story? pls?
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