Worship song I wrote... Any good?

[thrashmetaljunkie]

Before you say anything, i know i have another thread out right now. But i wanna get imput from you all before i present this to my band. And if i put this in the other thread, more than likely, i wont get a response. (the subject tends to turn people away) Ok.. here it is, Its called "Loss For Words"... because i cant think of another name atm >.<

(verse 1) How strange the effect
Of Your beautiful name
To find myself unable to speak
Unable to think
Only to bow down before you
Jesus Christ, My Savior my King
How is it that you laid down your life
All to rescue me?

(chorus) At a loss for words
My heart cries out
Open to You in complete surrender
Lord, I'm desperate for more of you
And You're all I'm living for
Lord come in and take over
And let Your will be done.

(verse 2) Humbled in Your presence
Bowing face down, I'm offering myself to you
My living sacrifice
What right do I have to stand here before You?
And who am I to ask of you
When You've already gave it all?
Here in Your presence
I found myself struck with awe

(chorus) At a loss for words
My heart cries out
Open to You in complete surrender
Lord, I'm desperate for more of you
And You're all I'm living for
Lord come in and take over
And let Your will be done.

(verse 3)Fallen on my knees
Here I am to worship You
To give back the praises well over due
So take this heart of mine
Take it, and never give it back
Mend it
Fold it
Remake it and do with it what you will
Forever I am Yours

(chorus) At a loss for words
My heart cries out
Open to You in complete surrender
Lord, I'm desperate for more of you
And You're all I'm living for
Lord come in and take over
And let Your will be done.

I've made so many revisions to this its not even funny. It would look good. then i'd read it, then change it. then it'd look good.. over and over again. The chorus i changed at least 5 times >.<... so... is it any good? or is it not good for a worship song (this is the first I've written)  

[Mjolnir The Hammer]

Dude thats awesome... mrgreen

I can't understand why they WOULDN'T like it. It's great! xd

 

[lordstar]

verse 3 needs some help

a bit to strong but otherwise a really good song

if someone could make the mistake the first time through and think perhaps the song is about a slightly odd relationship with a GF/BF then i think you would have hit gold

remember

"The most powerfull words are those that need not be said"  

[Silver Ice Sparkle]

its a wounderful song  

[thrashmetaljunkie]

sweet... thanks peeps. I guess i'll write some more then... but i think i need to put a few extra parts in it... those verses and the chorus are better off sung than screamed. I need to add screaming parts >.< otherwise my band can't use it.  

[Toyoharu Makimachi]

Firstly - THATS AN AWESOME SONG!

secondly - If i can figure out how to record drums, guitar, whatever else and put that on here and then you could decide if that sounds good to the lyrics.... Thatd be awesome?  

[Shampoo-chan]

I really like it, and I can feel the emotion in your words.

3nodding  

[missymisa]

O...M...G...Its' awsome! heart very good, inspiring...did I spell that right?  

[my angels goddess]

wow, its GREAT!  

[Kaki Pan]

Wonderful. Why don't you put that in my Band guild? There is a place for it.