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Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 10:20 pm
Recently at my shul a few couples are getting divoced, and someone I know made the comment, "My husband and I better move, or else we'll be getting one too."
I mean she loves her husband they are beshuts (sp?), so they wouldn't get one, but she was just pointing out the fact at how scary it was happening so often.
It got me thinking, do you think it's contagious, or just something that is so common and accepted now?
Why do you think divorce is so high now?
And hey this could be a whole dicussion about marriage and all that good stuff?
It's kind of bothering me, since my boyfriend and I put our realtionship on hold until he's done with the yeshiva and I'm close to being done converting. >.> so i'm all like dude.. ::cling::
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Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 10:47 pm
My first instinct is to say no, of course not.
My second is to follow up with, "But if I were in an unhappy marriage, and I saw my acquaintance gather up the strength to leave her unhappy marriage, I might realize that I could do the same thing." So... maybe.
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Eloquent Conversationalist
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Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 10:57 pm
Yea that's what I'm thinking Divash. That Divorce it's self isn't contagious, but it's one of thos taboo things, so once one person does it first them other do it too. (not so much that now, in the society we live in, but yet it kind of still is)
It's really sad though, I feel horrid for these people. It's like you had so much of your life almost seemingly for nothing. sad
It was funny the one friend whom was telling us this was like , "my husband and I were talking, he was like I love you I know I do, I won't want a divorse, do you?" and she was like " I don't think I want a divorse, but it's just weird cause i'm thinking about hwo I feel now." so
then my other friend was like "well you can stand your husbadn right? If you can't stand to live with him then it's time god forbid, but it'll be for the best." and then the main friend was thinking for a minute then randomly was like "well what if you can't think of living without them?"
then the other friend and me were like almost at the same time" well you love them then." It was funny and cute how she said it.
>.> yea it's almost one in the mornign so my like conversation story telling ability is out the window
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Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 11:00 pm
I'm with divash. Being human, we often submit to peer pressure. This divorce thing seems similar to that. "Everyone else is doing it"
I think if someone is unhappy, but they see all of their friends with great families, and all that stereotypical stuff, they aren't going to want their friends thinking they're any different from them. They put on happy faces, and kinda bottle things up. Then, when someone finally decides they've had enough, and get a divorce, everyone else kinda has a pressure lifted. They've done it, so it's okay for me now.
That's just my opinion.
As far as the rise of divorce, I attribute it to not waiting and finding your soul mate. We live in a fast pace society. Everyone is eager to settle down, procreate, and carry on traditions of old...but we don't want to wait around for the right person. We want everything NOW. So instead of thinking everything through, and making sure you're making the right decision by marrying the person you're dating, you marry the first thing that comes along.
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Posted: Sun Aug 12, 2007 5:19 pm
kingpinsqeezels As far as the rise of divorce, I attribute it to not waiting and finding your soul mate. We live in a fast pace society. Everyone is eager to settle down, procreate, and carry on traditions of old...but we don't want to wait around for the right person. We want everything NOW. So instead of thinking everything through, and making sure you're making the right decision by marrying the person you're dating, you marry the first thing that comes along. yea, that's my idea about the whole rise too. Plus like society is changing and people are like.. not wanting companion so much I guess. That's why my aunt got divorsed she didn't want to be someone's wife. I don't know. It's weird how things are sometimes, and this is one of thsoe weird times. How do you even know when you have the right person though? that's a big thing I wonder sometimes. Hee hee this could be a fun girlie talk thing mrgreen What do you want in a guy kings?
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Posted: Sun Aug 12, 2007 5:55 pm
Jeez. I'd give my left arm for a guy who would be around when I needed him, not just when it was convienent for him.
I'm a romantic, I've always been of the notion that you know for sure when you've met the person you want to be with forever. Instinct, I guess.
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Posted: Sun Aug 12, 2007 6:54 pm
yea that's me too, a die hard romantic. I think the same thing, when you find your soul mate you just know it. I don't believe in love at first sight thought, maybe first conversation, but not sight.
Are you left handed?
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Posted: Sun Aug 12, 2007 8:28 pm
Eh, if I knew anyone with a love at first sight relationship, I might believe...but I don't, so I don't!
Yes, I am left handed. biggrin
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Posted: Sun Aug 12, 2007 8:44 pm
YvetteEmilieDupont Recently at my shul a few couples are getting divoced, and someone I know made the comment, "My husband and I better move, or else we'll be getting one too." I mean she loves her husband they are beshuts (sp?), so they wouldn't get one, but she was just pointing out the fact at how scary it was happening so often. It got me thinking, do you think it's contagious, or just something that is so common and accepted now? Why do you think divorce is so high now? And hey this could be a whole dicussion about marriage and all that good stuff? It's kind of bothering me, since my boyfriend and I put our realtionship on hold until he's done with the yeshiva and I'm close to being done converting. >.> so i'm all like dude.. ::cling:: In my opinion divorce is not contagious. It's true that more than half of all couples end up in divorce. I think a lot of it comes from where people marry too young or too soon in the relationship. A lot of younger people (by that I mean 25 and under) are getting married in less then a year of being with someone and that's not enough time. Granted they get that feeling of "If we're going to be together it doesn't matter if we're married sooner or later!" But I really think time tells. You're still in a honeymoon period at that point so you don't really know. I also think it has to do with children leaving the home. A lot of people get married with the same principles: marriage, career, and children. They have the marriage- check. Career- check. Once they retire and the children leave home, a lot of people find they have eelss to talk about. In the generation before it was normal. You didn't divorce, you just got comfortable and that was that. Now with all the new stuff comign around for rediscovering your midlife, lives being longer, and things like "40 is the new 30 and 30 is the new 20!" people are finding they have less in common. If you have nothing in common anymore, why stay married? I think also it has to do with quality of life while married. Not to rag on men, but it used to be acceptable (maybe not openly but still..) for a man to raise a hand to his wife and kids. You didn't divorce not matter how bad it got. You just didn't do it. Now with the new vantage point on the rights of women and children it's not okay and there are agenices to actually help them get away and get divorced. Just my opinion though.
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Posted: Sun Aug 12, 2007 11:26 pm
kingpinsqeezels Eh, if I knew anyone with a love at first sight relationship, I might believe...but I don't, so I don't! Yes, I am left handed. biggrin SWEET ::high five:: so your left arm is uber important.
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Posted: Mon Aug 13, 2007 11:19 am
YvetteEmilieDupont kingpinsqeezels Eh, if I knew anyone with a love at first sight relationship, I might believe...but I don't, so I don't! Yes, I am left handed. biggrin SWEET ::high five:: so your left arm is uber important. Yeah basically. But see, like most lefties, I've had to adapt to the right handed world, so I also happen to be a rightie as well. It's convienent, but I do love my left hand.
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Posted: Mon Aug 13, 2007 3:24 pm
YvetteEmilieDupont yea that's me too, a die hard romantic. I think the same thing, when you find your soul mate you just know it. I don't believe in love at first sight thought, maybe first conversation, but not sight. Are you left handed? I don't mean to offend anybody here by saying that, but I don't believe you can be in love with somebody upon first meeting/talking to them. Lust maybe, but not love. I've always thought love is more the idea that when you spend enough time with somebody, you realize, "Hey. I want to spend the rest of my life with this person I care about them so much." Heh- I am a hopeless romantic as well. I know it's pathetic. xd
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darkphoenix1247 Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Aug 13, 2007 4:17 pm
I think it's a girl thing. You know, with our chick flicks and novels. wink
As far as loving someone upon first conversation, I definitely think that you can determine whether you can see yourself liking or loving someone...but fool on loving them, not so much.
I want someone to tell me a cutesy story about their relationship!
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Posted: Sun Aug 19, 2007 6:10 pm
Well, I can tell you about mine. I fell in love with my bashert before we'd ever laid eyes on one another. We met online through mutual friends. "Hey," they'd say, "There's this NJG* that I want you to meet." (NJG = Nice Jewish Guy/Girl) So we agreed to chat and email. We emailed for months, chatted online for months, talked on the phone for months. By the time we met in person, it was a foregone conclusion what would happen. We recognized one another immediately despite never having sent one another photos, never remembered to describe ourselves. I stepped off the plane, our eyes met, and we walked towards each other and said, "I hope you're ... Oh, good!" And that was that.
Eight years later, here we are.
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Eloquent Conversationalist
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Posted: Sun Aug 19, 2007 7:01 pm
I always love hearing success stories of people who meet online. I dunno why, but I think it's much more romantic. Congratulations with finding your bashert! xd
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