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 Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 4:55 pm
Shaira'Lejali was pacing back and forth mumbling to herself softly. Every now and then her dark yellow eyes would darts towards the sleeping black and green maned wolf that was her mother. The young adult was nervous, she had never once thought of leaving when she was younger. Her mother had needed her and probably still did but Lejali felt trapped. Like she wasn't free to be herself. Like she was forced to put on a mask and act like someone else.
The sea green and black female did not like that, not one bit. She wanted to be free, she wanted to be herself. Not some fake, cryptic, mysterious wolf that her mother wanted her to be. She loved her mother dearly but she knew that she needed to get away or she would lose herself completely.
Shaira'Lejali bit down rather hard on her bottom lip resulting in it bleeding. She paid no mind to it however, it helped her calm her nerves to stop her from fidgeting or pacing. All she need now was for her mother to wake from her slumber.
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Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 5:04 pm
Siria'Chunuka lay curled up with her tail over her nose. Her yellow eyes were closed and her breathing was slow and deep. A sure sign that she was actually sleeping and not just feigning sleep. It had been some time after they had entered the oasis that the white and green lioness had spoken about. Now they were in the company of two lions who they were leading out of the abandoned pride the lions grew up in.
Naturally Siria insisted that Lejali stay by her side and wouldn't let her leave for more than a few hours, even if it meant taking a second trip to lead the younger of the two lions to a different pride, area. The black and green maned wolf had finally come to her senses after months of insanity and being mentally unstable. This was her only real chance to spend time with her growing daughter and wanted to use as much of it as possible. Even if it meant smuggling Lejali.
Suddenly she shifted in her position, shifting from her belly to her side then to her back. It was only a moment afterwards that her eyes fluttered open looking at her obviously nervous daughter. "Lejali, is everything alright?" She inquired dropping her cryptic ways for the sake of her daughter.
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Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 5:12 pm
For a split second Lejali had second thoughts on her decision. It'd be better to just forget the whole thing, to let her feelings of suppression drop or be pushed away. To ignore her feelings, after all her mother was only doing what she thought was best to help her daughter. The younger maned wolf began to shake her head to indicate no, before stopping herself.
No.
This had to be done.
"Actually there is mother." Lejali stated licking her lips and wiping away any trace of blood from view. Her throat went dry as she tried to say more. "I...I.." She swallowed dryly with difficult and attempted to lick her lips again but found she couldn't.
She had never been this scared before in her life.
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Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 5:17 pm
Siria tilted her head slightly confused by her daughters stammering and difficulty speaking. "What is it? Did someone attack you?" She asked with growing distress only to relax when her daughter shook her head. "Then what is it?" Her tone of voice turning into a demanding one.
She wanted to know what was wrong and she wanted to know now!
"Lejali spit it out!" She was started to get irritated with the other's stumbling with words. Normally she would be more calm an collected about it but it was her daughter and if there was something wrong Siria needed to know what the hell was wrong. "Lejali!" She demanded.
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Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 5:21 pm
Lejali cringed when her mother snapped at her, fear spreading throughout her body. "I...I..." She attempted to swallow once more and was more successful than before. "I want to leave." She finally spat it out and was rather proud of her.
Fear still kept it's grip upon her rather tightly and she tore her gaze away from her mother's and stared at the ground and proceeded to chew lightly on her bottom lip. "After we help these lions I want to leave, on my own." She repeated making it more clear.
Now all she had to do was to wait for her mother's response and hope that it wasn't too horrible.
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Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 5:26 pm
Her jaw dropped and she looked at Lejali in bewilderment.
She wanted to leave? No...she must have heard wrong. It was just a mistake. But it wasn't and Siria knew that no matter how much she didn't want it to. Her baby wanted to leave her.
She couldn't let her go, she needed her. "No." Siria found herself saying before she even knew it. "No." She repeated a bit more harshly than before. "You can't leave." She stated her teeth clenching together after she finished speaking.
Siria wouldn't let her go.
No way in hell would she.
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Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 5:31 pm
No?
How could she say no?
She didn't even give me a chance to say why, she didn't even ask me why!
Lejali thought to herself bitterly, her disbelief shown upon her features. She narrowed her eyes and closed her open mouth. "But why not?" She demanded an answer as to why she couldn't. She needed to know.
She wanted to know, she HAD to know why. She was sure as hell going to get an answer.
"I'm old enough to----!" She was cut off by her mother.
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Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 5:38 pm
"You're barely an adult, you're not old enough to take care of yourself!" Siria snapped rather harshly, her eyes narrowed in determination. "You'd get yourself killed!" She had to justify her reason, not for Lejali but for herself.
Yet something was prodding at her, bothering her. Was this really the right thing to do?
Yes of course it was, it was for her daughter, all for Lejali. All for Lejali. she kept repeating that phrase in her mind.
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Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 5:41 pm
The younger maned wolf laughed bitterly at her mother. "That's bull and you know it!" She cried before spitting to the side of the other. "I've taken care of myself since I was just a pup, I've taken care of YOU since I was a pup so don't give me that bull s**t." She snarled her teeth bared.
She had never been angry before so she wasn't entirely sure what was pissing her off so much. Was it the fact her mother was babying her when she was an adult or the fact that Siria couldn't seem to let go. "You just don't want me to leave."
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Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 5:47 pm
She was at a loss for words. Lejali was right, when Siria had been in her unstable state her daughter took care of everything, even sorting out fights that she caused because of her insanity. But....still the world was a dangerous place...Surely the other knew that.
"Lejali..." Her voice softened as did her expression. For once she was running out of words, something that hadn't happened for a long time. "The world is a dangerous place, you never know what's lurking around the corner."
Siria was going to try to change the other's mind. She still didn't want to lose her.
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Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 5:50 pm
Lejali couldn't believe her mother! She was still trying to convince her not to go. This only made her anger grow before it suddenly faded. "I'll never know what's around the corner unless you let me go and look!" She cried in a more pleading tone than demanding.
The young adult didn't want to fight, she didn't want to argue but she wanted to be able to be free, to be able to make her own decisions and not be ruled by someone else. She didn't want her choices to be made for her.
It was HER life NOT her mothers and she was determined to live it her way.
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Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 5:56 pm
She felt like she was going to cry. Like she was going to burst into tears. She had never expected this from sweet, quiet, obedient and loving Lejali. What had happened to her baby girl? Why had she changed so much?!
Inhaling deeply Siria did her best to prevent herself from crying and causing more heartache for either of them. "I can't let you go, not yet....It's still too dangerous, you aren't ready." She spoke rather calmly and steadily, as if she wasn't close to crying.
"Please Lejali...."
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Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 6:06 pm
"If I don't leave now, I'll never be able to leave mother!" Lejali cried rather desperately. She started to shake her head. "This is MY life not yours mother and if you don't let me go now you'll never be able to." She spoke rather thoughtfully and insightfully.
She knew that this conversation was tearing her mother up but it had to be had. Otherwise neither of them would be able to get anywhere in their life. "Besides, how do you expect to find a mate with me tagging along everywhere or vice versa? I need to have my own life." She let out a sigh hanging her head. "You need to let go."
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Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 6:21 pm
"But Lejali...." Siria started but wasn't entirely sure how to continue. Her licked her lips repetitively as well as the roof of her mouth as she sought words to use. "I don't want you to live the life I did." She finally admitted only telling half the truth.
Then Lejali began speaking and Siria almost interupted, catching herself just barely."I don't need a mate." She stated rather quickly after the other finished speaking. "I don't want a mate. Never." She seemed really defensive on the subject and quickly added "You don't need a mate either."
"I have no problems letting go."
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Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 6:25 pm
Lejali snorted at her mother's words. "Really because it seems like you want me to be just like you." She stated with a shake of her head. "I won't live the life you did because I HAVE a mother, when you did not even though she wasn't the best mother, she was still mine." She ignored the fact that her mother was the one she was talking to, she felt like talking in third person for a change.
"But I want a mate some day mother!" She cried in slight disbelief. "Just because you don't want one doesn't mean that I don't! I want a mate, one that I know I can trust to be there for me and I know one is out there!" She let out a dry laugh. "You can't force your beliefs or ways on me. No matter how hard you try."
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