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 Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2007 7:32 pm
I don't exactly feel like Life Issues could help me out of this situation, and the advice I need is about 'letting go' so I figured I'd come to my favorite Buddhist guild for help. ;]
Not too long ago, compulsions started (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) to bother me. These 'compulsions' often included intense sexual thoughts, or feelings, about things that SEVERELY bothered me. Now, originally, I could just shove off these thoughts and label them 'compulsions' because thats what they are. Now, It's become somewhat of a 'compulsion' to linger on with these thoughts, thinking about them, and trying to figure them out. This leaves me feeling horrible, and guilty, making me think about them MORE. I'm constantly distracted, and I feel part of it is me 'intentionally' continuing these thoughts, because they're sexual (sex is arousing regardless of the situations) and like I said, this leaves me emotionally devastated. I feel like these thoughts are me, even when I would never engage in any of these acts of sex (like I said, they're often repulsive, and .. creepy). However, like I said, I still feel like part of me is 'intentionally' carrying on these thoughts. I really need to learn how to let go of all of these thoughts. I'm taking medication, which SEEMS to help a little, and I can't talk to my doctor but once every two weeks, and these worries keep growing. How do I let all of these feelings pass on? I know it's possible to forget, and let it go, but when I want to forget, and let go, it isn't so easy. xP
(It probably seems VERY confusing D; I apologize. It's kinda hard to explain it all.)
Edit: Yes, I'm positive these thoughts are caused by Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. xD
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Posted: Sat Aug 04, 2007 7:58 am
Being mindful that they are compulsive thoughts is the correct first step. Always be mindful. After mindfulness I find what helps is looking at the negated objects. A negated object is something that the mind grasps to exist in a way that is opposite to the way wisdom sees it. In other words, the mind sees the negated object as existing while wisdom sees that it does not exist at all.
Begin to question the objects in your thoughts. Are they real objects? What are these objects called, and how is the label separate from the basis of designation? (Four legs and a flat top is a basis of designation, while "table" is the label we give it.) Also ask yourself who is experiencing these thoughts?
Is it your body? Is it your perceptions? Who? How does the self appear to exist when these thoughts arise? The self seems very solid, doesn't it? Yet when we look with critical analysis, we can find no solid self. So always be questioning. Who is it that is experiencing these thoughts? What is being experienced? How do these things appear to exist, and how do they actually exist?
This is looking for the emptiness in these objects. They say in Tibetan Buddhism that having direct perception of emptiness cuts the root of cyclic existence. Though there are stages between hearing about the philosophy of emptiness and directly perceiving it. It usually begins with doubt, then moves up to correct assumption (where you know something is empty, but you can't perceive it), inferential experience (where you can see how something is empty by looking at it with analysis, but you have yet to spontaneously perceive it as such), and finally culminating in direct perception.
From that point on, the view of emptiness erodes the gross and subtle stains on the mind until there are no such obscurations left. Good times.
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Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2007 6:59 pm
Helpful, as always.
Thanks a bunch, it really helps. smile
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