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 Posted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 12:46 am
I'm just making this profile for the sake of trying. I'd appreciate it if you (Anyone who reads this) could point out any flaws in the profile so I can fix them. I tend to make the same mistake a lot if it's not pointed out so helping me with this will help me with others. Real Name: Akahoshi Kazuki. (Called Hoshi-sama by his friends.)
Age: 19 years and 7 months old.
Gender: Male.
Rank: Gang leader.
Weapons: His feet, sometimes his fists, and a rarely used switchblade.
Alias: Markis Alexander.
Appearance: Kazuki stands at 155.448cm tall and weighs 78.93kg. He has long red hair he keeps in a ponytail, a piercing green eye on his left and a dull grey-blue eye on his right. His lips are thin and colorless unless he uses lipstick in which case they'd be colored teal. A long jagged scar stretches across his face in a sideways "J" from the eyebrow of his right eye to the ear on his left shows up instantly on his usually pale skin. He is very thin in terms of size from fat and quite muscular; he wears a dark brown vest with many rips and tears near the bottom with a blue patch over the heart shaped like a fan he got the vest as a gift from a friend when he was 17 when the friend moved and wears it to remember him. He is always seen without a shirt covering his chest much to the displeasure of everyone around him when he isn't wearing the vest. He wears black shorts (Previously Baggy pants) or loose leather pants with a Blue belt over his legs and only wears a pair of old worn sandals. He occasionally has a cigarette in his mouth.
Closest Appearance using tektek:  Not very Accurate.
Personality: He is intelligent, calm, and has a strong code of honor. Being taught by his mother who had a vast knowledge of history he always knows to take everything into consideration before acting and never openly provokes another into acting first when it comes to other gangs (Otherwise he is a bit rude to others) and remains calm during many situations where most people would be stressed to say the least. One thing that is noticeable soon after meeting him is that he is kind and respectful to women and his elders and will never hit nor threaten a girl or someone with a little sister and/or pet with them and makes sure that his gangs turf is free of most crime and litter. One thing everyone knows about him is that he almost never uses his hands when he is forced to fight someone (The reason why will be put into his Bio.).
Bio: Kazuki is a Half American/Half Japanese teenager born in America, but moved to Japan a few months after he was born. There he grew up with a close group of friends; Kira, Hana, Atsu-chan, and Itsuki-kun (each is a nickname given by Kazuki except for Itsuki) ages 19, 19, 17, and 20 respectively. When he was younger (Age 6) he nearly died when a car swerved out of control and hit him and a friend (Kira) when they were playing in a park, he received a serious head wound, a badly broken arm, and several gashes from the toys they had been playing with (He landed on two of them) which caused a lot of blood loss so he had to be rushed to the hospital. Kira however got away with only a few scrapes and a fractured leg. He spent most of the first week of treatment knocked out, his mother was afraid he had gone into a coma when she saw him the first two days. The next week he drifted in and out consciousness, but was showing clear signs of improvement as he was able to carry on a short conversation with Kira about what they were going to do about the broken toys and he also was able to write small paragraphs in a journal they gave him about what he remembered about the day before so everyone would know his memory was getting better as well. Five days later he was able to leave the hospital with his mother and father and go home, much to his joy he found all the toys that had been broken were replaced and immediately began playing with them like normal. When Kazuki was eight years old, his mother who had been a college professor began home schooling him. He learned fast and one day decided he wanted to go to a public school so he could meet other people (This was when he was fourteen), his mother agreed, but his father took some convicing as he thought the could kids would make fun of him for his pale skin and overly skinny body. He only agreed when Kazuki said he'd learn how to defend himself if anyone got violent. (That's all I have at the moment.)
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Posted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 8:48 am
I hope my critiquing isn't unwelcome, for now-otherwise I'll delete it.
I find it a bit hard to believe that a 19 year old, has the skills, and intelligence to run a gang. And this is just my personal opinion, but in the appearance I find it nice to add somewhat, of a reason into why they wear such things that way. Like Why does he wear an unbuttoned/unzipped vest? Why does he smoke/how did he get into smoking? From what blade or attack did he get a scar? It doesn't have to be long-in fact it should NOT be a long description of why they have it. Just add a couple of words to the sentence the item in question is in. I really can't judge your history yet though.
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Posted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 6:09 pm
Versi Crestfold I hope my critiquing isn't unwelcome, for now-otherwise I'll delete it.
I find it a bit hard to believe that a 19 year old, has the skills, and intelligence to run a gang. And this is just my personal opinion, but in the appearance I find it nice to add somewhat, of a reason into why they wear such things that way. Like Why does he wear an unbuttoned/unzipped vest? Why does he smoke/how did he get into smoking? From what blade or attack did he get a scar? It doesn't have to be long-in fact it should NOT be a long description of why they have it. Just add a couple of words to the sentence the item in question is in. I really can't judge your history yet though. I'll adress a few of those things in the Bio (The gang, the smoking, and the scar.). I guess I can add a little bit about the vest in the appearence. As I said at the end the profile was made up on the spot. 3nodding I'll be adding more to the Bio later today.
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Posted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 6:56 pm
Daisuke Kyou I'll adress a few of those things in the Bio (The gang, the smoking, and the scar.). I guess I can add a little bit about the vest in the appearence. As I said at the end the profile was made up on the spot. 3nodding I'll be adding more to the Bio later today.
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Posted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 7:15 pm
Versi Crestfold Daisuke Kyou I'll adress a few of those things in the Bio (The gang, the smoking, and the scar.). I guess I can add a little bit about the vest in the appearence. As I said at the end the profile was made up on the spot. 3nodding I'll be adding more to the Bio later today. I've learned though the years I've been Roleplaying (Two) that most others who suggest adding something are right at least 80% of the time which is the only reason my Profile is as long as it is so far. The Bio should prove to be interesting for others to read as I plan on making it as detailed as posible.
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Posted: Sun Jul 08, 2007 1:32 am
I've added a bit more to his Bio, as you can see I am slowly closing the gap between his past and his present.
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Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2007 12:53 am
Added Personality before the Bio. smile
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Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2007 9:43 am
It is well done, but there should be an explination a bit of where the father disappeared too? And as the others have said something about where he had gotten the scar, why he is the leader of a gang and for what reason he started smoking. Besides that it is a well done character. 4laugh
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Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 12:26 am
suizome It is well done, but there should be an explination a bit of where the father disappeared too? And as the others have said something about where he had gotten the scar, why he is the leader of a gang and for what reason he started smoking. Besides that it is a well done character. 4laugh The father didn't disappear I just haven't thought to say anything about him yet sweatdrop . The rest of that stuff I was planning on putting into the Bio, because all that stuff happened more recently and I'm only on his childhood. sweatdrop
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Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 9:24 am
I think it's very well done, for something created so quickly. It is my belief that some things shouldn't be explained, just to add a mysterious quality. Like the scar, for example. If I didn't want people to know where it came from, I would just put something like "when asked about the scar, he replies with silence," or "the scar was a traumatic experience for him so he doesn't talk about it." I'm not saying you should put that, I'm just giving examples.
Hope this helps.
Lex
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Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 1:55 am
Lexenos I think it's very well done, for something created so quickly. It is my belief that some things shouldn't be explained, just to add a mysterious quality. Like the scar, for example. If I didn't want people to know where it came from, I would just put something like "when asked about the scar, he replies with silence," or "the scar was a traumatic experience for him so he doesn't talk about it." I'm not saying you should put that, I'm just giving examples.
Hope this helps.
Lex That's a good idea, I might put something like that in. smile
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Posted: Thu Jul 12, 2007 3:14 am
Sorry I haven't been updating the profile, I've been having very little sleep recently.
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