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 Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2007 11:59 pm
well people I don't know how many of you truly know me....most likely not many problably not even 25%, but I am here to talk to you about an important issuse that well I feel is important. I feel I should share this with you all in hopes that someone might give me some encouraging words maybe. Recently I have been doing a little soul searching(meditating) and have come to the fact that I am down right evil even by societies standards I am evil. Why do I think even society would condemn me you say, it is because I don't love my mother or at least i don't feel I have love for her (yea I know thats really horrible).
I have thought about people around me in sexually disturbing ways that would make the average strip club joe say what the heck is wrong with you.
I have a lot of anger in me this morning some lady from my old school was teasing me about something as I ran to catch the bus and I thought about pushing her of her bike in the middle of the inter section.
I have saved up money that I was going to donate to starving children in africa, but I am too evilly lazy to actually contant the people and send it, and even after I ran out of those funds I don't know how I could support the kid more unless I either A) go find another job that pays more, but then I'd have to leave this job behind with the people I think GOD wants me to evangelize to but am too scared on account of how people react to the gospel. B) cut down on my spending, but then I can't go buy stuff I need or maybe even stuff I like but don't need like Starbucks. The Pointis I don't think GOD is very pleased about the choice I seem to made with this decesion, because I remember the story of Lazurus and the richman, well long story short the richman is burning in hell, because he did not care for the poor Lazurus outside his gate.
The other day I saw a poor person that I kinda didn't find visually pleasing so I kinda thought about them funny, and if you don't think just a thought makes you unholy then I don't know which you've been in for the past whatever years you have been a christian.
The worst of all is that I think GOD can help me but I do not seek his help often...I should be praying every hour of everyday, but rather pray every other day or even week. The latter is by fare the worst part because I know but do not do. I think I have screwed myself royally and I ask you not to do the same, please consider what I am saying there is more to being a christian than just believing that Jesus will get you into heaven at least I believe so, but if anybody happens to think I am wrong about this last statement then please tell me, but the most important thing is that you strive to be more holy/Christ like/ Divine, by combining yourself with GOD so that you may get rid of your unrighteousness and bare fruit(of the spirit).
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Posted: Fri Apr 27, 2007 3:45 pm
Quote: I have a lot of anger in me this morning some lady from my old school was teasing me about something as I ran to catch the bus and I thought about pushing her of her bike in the middle of the inter section. you didn't push her though. you still have self control. have you ever heard of the prodical son (sorry about the spelling)?he left his home and his father and went against what he was taught and yet when he returned and expected to be thrown out he was forgiven of his wrong-doings. The fact that you still have self control shows that you can still make yourself do something or keep from doing something. No matter what you do you are still God's child. He won't forsake you. Look to God and he will help. When a thought comes into your head that you know you should not be thinking, push it aside and pray to God instead. God has not forgotten about you and no matter what you do wrong you can still return to him. just believe and pray and try. use the self control that kept you from knocking the girl off her bike and use it and God to train yourself off of those thoughts. You are not evil. In the fact that you want to seek God again and want to find a way away from the sin it shows that you are not evil. you are meerely walking down the wrong path right now. want do you do when you take a wrong turn when driving? you turn around and go back to the corner and take the right road. even if the right road doesn't look as pretty or well paved as the other one. While it may be a long hard path back, you'll make it if you put your trust in God and try.
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Posted: Fri Apr 27, 2007 4:59 pm
singin4Christ Quote: I have a lot of anger in me this morning some lady from my old school was teasing me about something as I ran to catch the bus and I thought about pushing her of her bike in the middle of the inter section. you didn't push her though. you still have self control. have you ever heard of the prodical son (sorry about the spelling)?he left his home and his father and went against what he was taught and yet when he returned and expected to be thrown out he was forgiven of his wrong-doings. The fact that you still have self control shows that you can still make yourself do something or keep from doing something. No matter what you do you are still God's child. Quote: well there's the thing I don't know if I'm GOD's though I would like to be GOD's though, how do you know for certain? He won't forsake you. Look to God and he will help. When a thought comes into your head that you know you should not be thinking, push it aside and pray to God instead. Quote: thats another thing I am spiritually lazy how do I get out of that, like luke warmness and stuff? God has not forgotten about you and no matter what you do wrong you can still return to him. just believe and pray and try. use the self control that kept you from knocking the girl off her bike and use it and God to train yourself off of those thoughts. You are not evil. In the fact that you want to seek God again and want to find a way away from the sin it shows that you are not evil. Quote: Well actually I know a way I just don't do it because well it's hard and it does currently look like the only way...I wish it were easy but it's not, also the fact that I do not go to GOD quicker says hey I kinda want to stay in my sin. you are meerely walking down the wrong path right now. want do you do when you take a wrong turn when driving? you turn around and go back to the corner and take the right road. even if the right road doesn't look as pretty or well paved as the other one. While it may be a long hard path back, you'll make it if you put your trust in God and try. Quote: how do I restore faith in GOd when lost?
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Posted: Thu May 03, 2007 2:08 pm
speak with a pastor, seek cunciling. everyone on this earthis one of God's creations. read your bible and try to pray. that may halp with being luke warm in God. if not seek christian friends to confide in. The devil is telling you to stay in your sin. once in a while he may get the best of you. KEEP FIGHTING! you don't need to do it alone. every christian struggles with sin. THings are easier when you live in sin because if the devil already has you he won't go after you as much. it will be hard to get back on the right path because the devil doesn't want that and he'll lie distractions and temptation in your path. you need to walk around the temptation instead of just falling into it like a hole in the ground. that's where self control comes in. if you know something is wrong then simply don't do it. try to resist the temptation. you may have traveled far and that hole may look like it has a soft comfortable bed in it but once you get down there it's a bed of nails. i'm sure that the captain and crew will not mind your pming them if you need to talk, i 'm sure they know much more than i do, however you may also pm me any time also.
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Posted: Thu May 03, 2007 4:14 pm
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Posted: Fri May 04, 2007 12:05 pm
First and foremost, I will say this, there is nothing new under the sun. Many people before have done equally "disturbing" and wrongs sins, and many, worse than you have. so don't label yourself as this epitome of evil, because you're not. I will not sugarcoat the truth that you do indeed need to find your way back to God, but who hasn't fallen short of Him? That's why we need prayer and forgiveness. Have you forgotten forgiveness? The greatest gift He gave us can wash away your guilt and your sins, He'll forget about them, it says so in the bible, he casts them into the deepest part of the ocean, and forgets about them, your created anew.
Now, about the sexually disturbing thoughts you have about the people around you,...yeah it's not good, it's a sexually deviant sin, but it's also one of the most addictive, because it feels good and it's hard as hell to stop (I AM speaking from experience) but it's not impossible. Your are going to have temptation, but you know how I made it through? I would leave the computer or the temptation and go sit on a chair and pray to myself for God to help me. It sounds cheesy but in reality, it works.
As far as not loving your mother.....welcome to my world. I HATED my mother with a passion. She was cruel and manipulative and she tore my family apart. I couldn't find it in my heart to forgive her for a long.long.time. I understand what it means to not love a parent, but I think deep down, I always did. Maybe for you, deep down, you do, but something might be keeping you from realizing that.
About that old lady....yeah, I've wanted to push people in front of buses before and believe me, it's quite tempting once you get mad enough. I went through a period where these thoughts would enter my mind, "How easy it would be to kill someone..." and wonder if I'd actually do it. I felt like the most evil person on the Earth. That's scary bt it's really the enemy messing with your head, putting thoughts in there to see which way they can pull you, it's clever and it's hard to tell when it's happening, but if you tune yourself in more to God, then you'll start to realize when you are being tempted and you can turn away.
You know my MSN messenger if you need to talk about this further, but for now, all I can tell you is to pray about it, as long and you need to and anytime you feel like your going to lose control. To error is human, you are not perfect, but to forgive completely is Divine, and God will help you. Remember though you have to forgive yourself too. That's one thing people forget constantly, FORGIVE YOURSELF..
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Posted: Fri May 04, 2007 4:58 pm
It seems you have lust problems, as well as anger. At least you have identified your problem. The next step, is to seek help you know will help. Also, I will pray for you. We shall leave this is God's hands, however, you still must act and try to help yourself as well.
~*Sakura*~
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Posted: Fri May 04, 2007 5:42 pm
I'll pray for you. But you need to remember to pray for yourself... and it sounds like you need to forgive yourself too. Why is it so easy sometimes to overlook others deficies but not our own?
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Posted: Mon May 07, 2007 7:34 pm
did you not read the part that says I don't like to pray. gonk
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Posted: Mon May 07, 2007 7:41 pm
singin4Christ speak with a pastor, seek cunciling. everyone on this earthis one of God's creations. read your bible and try to pray. that may halp with being luke warm in God. if not seek christian friends to confide in. The devil is telling you to stay in your sin. Quote: christian friends I have none, I'm pretty sure the humans are quite capable of evil without santan getting involved. once in a while he may get the best of you. KEEP FIGHTING! you don't need to do it alone. every christian struggles with sin. THings are easier when you live in sin because if the devil already has you he won't go after you as much. it will be hard to get back on the right path because the devil doesn't want that and he'll lie distractions and temptation in your path. Quote: why does everybody keep on blaming the devil, you know if the devil waved porn in GOD's face do you think GOD would be like...oh man I kinda want to look at that porn??!?!?! you need to walk around the temptation instead of just falling into it like a hole in the ground. that's where self control comes in. if you know something is wrong then simply don't do it. try to resist the temptation. Quote: yes that failed miserably you may have traveled far and that hole may look like it has a soft comfortable bed in it but once you get down there it's a bed of nails. i'm sure that the captain and crew will not mind your pming them if you need to talk, i 'm sure they know much more than i do, however you may also pm me any time also. Quote: I doubt it they're hardly ever in the guild anyways and I don't believe talking will help either, but thank you for your kind offer.
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Posted: Mon May 07, 2007 8:08 pm
IrelandGunner First and foremost, I will say this, there is nothing new under the sun. Many people before have done equally "disturbing" and wrongs sins, and many, worse than you have. so don't label yourself as this epitome of evil, because you're not. I will not sugarcoat the truth that you do indeed need to find your way back to God, but who hasn't fallen short of Him? That's why we need prayer and forgiveness. Have you forgotten forgiveness? The greatest gift He gave us can wash away your guilt and your sins, He'll forget about them, it says so in the bible, he casts them into the deepest part of the ocean, and forgets about them, your created anew. Quote: This is not about GOD though this is about me, I feel horrible that I am this way. Now, about the sexually disturbing thoughts you have about the people around you,...yeah it's not good, it's a sexually deviant sin, but it's also one of the most addictive, because it feels good and it's hard as hell to stop (I AM speaking from experience) but it's not impossible. Your are going to have temptation, but you know how I made it through? I would leave the computer or the temptation and go sit on a chair and pray to myself for God to help me. It sounds cheesy but in reality, it works. As far as not loving your mother.....welcome to my world. I HATED my mother with a passion. She was cruel and manipulative and she tore my family apart. I couldn't find it in my heart to forgive her for a long.long.time. I understand what it means to not love a parent, but I think deep down, I always did. Maybe for you, deep down, you do, but something might be keeping you from realizing that. Quote: well she's not a bad person, it's just I don't really love anybody so yea. About that old lady....yeah, I've wanted to push people in front of buses before and believe me, it's quite tempting once you get mad enough. I went through a period where these thoughts would enter my mind, "How easy it would be to kill someone..." and wonder if I'd actually do it. I felt like the most evil person on the Earth. That's scary bt it's really the enemy messing with your head, putting thoughts in there to see which way they can pull you, it's clever and it's hard to tell when it's happening, but if you tune yourself in more to God, then you'll start to realize when you are being tempted and you can turn away. Quote: Again satan cannot tempt you with things that are not already there, satan can't tempt you to go play golf and skip your daily Bible reading if you don't like golf same with pornography. You know my MSN messenger if you need to talk about this further, but for now, all I can tell you is to pray about it, as long and you need to and anytime you feel like your going to lose control. To error is human, you are not perfect, but to forgive completely is Divine, and God will help you. Remember though you have to forgive yourself too. That's one thing people forget constantly, FORGIVE YOURSELF..
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Posted: Sun May 27, 2007 6:45 pm
Sometimes I feel the same things, not feeling like praying, having bad thoughts, etc. What helped me was that I realized that prayer does not have to be a formal thing( bowing your head and closing your eyes), I do it driving to school. (If I bowed my head and closed my eyes I would not be talking to you right now sad ) And for the bad thoughts, it may be cheesy, but I listen to my music it helps my mind wander.
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