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Breaking the glass is fun, but it's not the essential part of the wedding. There are only three things necessary for a Jewish wedding.

1. The ketubah (marriage contract) has to be read aloud and signed by the bride and groom;

2. The groom recites a single-sentence ritual formula, "I consecrate you to me with this object, according to the laws of Moses and Israel," and then offers the object (usually, but not always, a ring) to the bride, who must accept it willingly;

3. These two acts must be witnessed by two adult (over 13) Jewish observant males, who then sign the ketubah as official witnesses.

That's it. You don't even, technically, need a rabbi or cantor present. Those are only usually used because they're often required to have a license to sign and witnesses as government officials, which makes the whole thing valid according to the state/nation as well as to the Jewish religion and people. Everything else -- rabbi, cantor, breaking the glass, wearing white, veils, flowers, music, even the chuppah (canopy) -- is just custom.

Yeah, but breaking glass makes a fun noise. xp

This is lame, but it really made me excited for my own wedding...I'm pretty girly about that.

I'm still upset I had to use a plastic cup...It wasn't nearly as satisfying. xp

Oh that's cute! People hate wedding pranks, but I seriously can't wait.

Aww! That's super cute! And on my birthday and everything... xd

You have a lot of great questions, so I'll try to answer them in separate posts so that people don't get all confused about which post contains a whole lot of disparate information.



They aren't necessary in the least, but if you want to honor your friends, siblings, parents, or other loved ones in this way, you should absolutely feel free to do it. There are a lot of interesting traditions, but only a few very basic requirements in Jewish weddings, and the rest is all open to interpretation and creativity. The basic requirements are:

1. The groom gives the bride an object which has a value of more than one p'ruta (roughly, worth more than a dime). Often it's a ring, but it doesn't have to be. I know a groom who gave his bride a leatherbound edition of the Hebrew Bible, signifying their joint commitment to study and live by it. He hands it to her, saying (English translation), "I consecrate you to myself, with this token object, according to the laws of Moses and Israel."

2. The bride has to accept the token. She doesn't have to say a word, but the very act of taking the object indicates her acceptance of the arrangement. If she is an unwilling bride, she doesn't take the object, and the wedding cannot continue; the refusal of the object indicates her refusal of the man. There is NO room for forced marriage within Judaism.

3. The bride and groom must sign a document called a ketubah (or qetubah) which is written in Aramaic. The document spells out all the groom's responsibilities to the bride, including providing for her food, clothing, shelter, sexual satisfaction, and his respect for her as his equal partner. It also must indicate how much (either in a flat value, or in a percentage of the estate) will be given to her if he should divorce her later. The ketubah is all about what the groom owes to the bride, for the rest of their lives. It functions as a prenuptial agreement as well as a marriage contract, and has been giving Jewish women extraordinary rights for several centuries. Women's lib isn't news to Jews!

4. The signing of the document, and the giving and receiving of the token, and the recitation of the consecratory phrase by the groom, must all be witnessed by two adult Jewish males who are not near relatives of either the groom or the bride.

That's it. You don't NEED bridesmaids, groomsmen, best man, maid/matron of honor. You don't even NEED a rabbi or cantor (though they're handy to have, because they'll sing the Sheva Brachot (the Seven Blessings associated with weddings) as well as being able to sign documents so that your country and state can legally call you married. But if you want to have bridesmaids, groomsmen, best man, maid/matron of honor, rabbi, cantor, monkeys on trapezes, or someone throwing fruit and flowers at you the whole time -- go for it!

You can have any music you want at a wedding, with three exceptions -- and those aren't necessarily exceptions that are required by halachah, they're just common sense and good manners.

One: You do not want to be playing music that contains a lot of swearing or suggestive lyrics at your wedding. You and your friends might think it's great stuff, but at least one little old lady or little old man will go into cardiac arrest if you enter the sanctuary to the golden-voiced joy which is Sir Mix-A-Lot's "I Like Big Butts," or anything that gets bleeped on most radio stations. Your new in-laws need to be able to see you as worthy of their son, just as your parents need to see your groom as being worthy of their daughter, so earn their respect by choosing music that will be appealing not only to you and to him, but inoffensive to your guests.

Two: The traditional Wedding March that most people know as "Here Comes The Bride," was written by Wagner, who was a personal friend and a supporter of Hitler. Do you want that man's music floating through the synagogue while you start your life as a Jewish couple, about to establish a Jewish marriage and build a Jewish household for the rest of your Jewish life? Yeah, didn't think so.

Three: The second most popular wedding song is from Mendelssohn's "A Midsummer Night's Dream" symphony. Mendelssohn converted from Judaism to Christianity. Playing Mendelssohn's music just doesn't seem appropriate for a Jewish couple, particularly when one of the two has converted to Judaism.

You might want to speak with your cantor and ask if there's any music he or she can reccommend. Let the cantor know if you'd prefer classical pieces, neoclassical (modern classical) works, Top 40 hits, or old-school jazz ballads. I've actually heard Jewish jazz -- people taking our old synagogue melodies and turning them into really great jazz pieces for saxophone, piano, or whatever. That's what I'll be using. Anyway, if your cantor can recommend some Jewish artists who play or sing in the style you like best, that'll help set the mood for you. But of course, it doesn't have to be specifically Jewish. It just should be NOT specific to another religion.