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Take A Look Back At The Closed Door.

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Axelion Cross

PostPosted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 6:06 pm


I've been working on this... Its not that good. My friends gave me some ideas... I've got better but this is the only one that I got on this computer.

It took me... One look. One smiple look to smack down all hope of ever picking up on what you left me with. You've held old grudges, past problems, past mistakes.

Never felt such a sudden urge to move away this false remourse.
Escape the Lies
Escape he Truth.
Oh, you've trhown everything you had at me.
Old grudges
Past problems
past mistakes.

Never felt so abandond. I can see right through your little
smile, your little giggle.
Oh, you've thrown everything you had at me
Old Grudges
Past Problems
Past mistakes.

Some thoughts make me feel so weakening.
Looking back at the door, looking back at my regrets.
Oh, you've thrown everything you had at me
False hope
Fake lies
Even a Never lasting matrimony.

Regret thats all I taste. Open; My eyes are not.
Searching for more. Searching for More.
Oh, you've thrown everything you had at me
Cheap shots
Black Eyes
I regret, Oh I regret.
Ever facing you.
PostPosted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 5:13 am


I can sort of relate to this poem, just broke up with my gf of 4 years, and I feel about 3/4 of what you're saying. I just don't regret it, thing happen for a reason.

Good poem though, you made an error in the first stanza, fourth line, should be "thrown".

It's a great poem otherwise, I look forward to seeing more from you.

the Demon

Desert_Demon


Leavaros
Crew

PostPosted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 5:11 pm


....

Well, misery seeks company, I suppose.

Second stanza, third line, it should be "the", not "he". "remourse" two lines up should be "remorse".

Apart from the overall tone of the poem, and the poor grammar, it's not bad. It just sounds...sulky, rather than narrative, as Demon's is.

And never regret meeting or "facing" someone, no matter how hard it hurts. There is, after all, a purpose to be found in such encounters. Believe me, I would know.
~Valens
PostPosted: Sat Jan 20, 2007 1:47 pm


Very nice, Kal. I look forward to seeing more if you have any. Demon gave you the only critique I had. biggrin Seems more like it could be song lyrics. Then again a lot of poems are.

crystalsmuse
Captain

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