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 Posted: Sun Jun 04, 2006 5:49 am
Ok Since this has become an ongoing problem between My hubby and I, I figured I'd get your guys input.
Firstly I'd like to appologize for my absence *dust's off chair*
I hav ehad many problems dealing with my personal life. I will extrapolate more, Koi knows some details.
NOW FOR THE TOPIC AT HAND
I am not so happy in the bedroom. I guess neither is my husband. I had issues where I became ill with a reproductive infection. after the antibiotics;I had a ton of testing, and even a ultrasound to make sure my organs were ok. Everything came back negative. I am very happy about that.
My husband want's to see a clean bill of health from the dr. before he will preform oral on me. WTF? ok, so I have not been on the reciving end of oral for a while now.. and it's ok. but hello, I was not the one who almost cheated.
Now, intercourse is fine no problems there. however some times he wants me to preform oral on him until he orgasms. Usually I have no problem with this. however it's been an ongoing problem that he just gets his rocks off and I get nothing. I have mentioned this before to him.
2 days ago he hinted that he wanted oral and I got the hint. I told him that if he wants oral then he needs to make the first move on me. that's when he made the "I want to see a clean bill of health statement" I replied that i am not even talking about oral. then I finished with I am not doing anything until you approach me first.
Last night I figured that if I got him aroused enough he'd want to provide for me some sexual gratification as well. so I did tease him with a bit of oral, and said to him that I wanted to finish the job but that when I do he'll roll over and go to sleep. I said (jokingly) that he needs to pay me. then I said seriously that I did want some gratification besides what I get when her orgasms. and told him what I wanted exactly. his reply: I am not paying for oral, if I do then I'll go out and pay someone. I am upset but not visibly so. So I reply I am not asking about money just for you to play with my body. a nibble here on the boobehs, play with my nether's with your hands. If you can't or won't do that then I am not going to preform oral on you. I said sarcastically but truthfully, geez with you so unwilling to play with me and my asking I must sound so selfish. then rolled over to bed.
End result: He went to bed with blue balls.
Am I wrong I wanting pleasure too?
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Posted: Sun Jun 04, 2006 8:54 am
samsonite Ok Since this has become an ongoing problem between My hubby and I, I figured I'd get your guys input. Firstly I'd like to appologize for my absence *dust's off chair* I hav ehad many problems dealing with my personal life. I will extrapolate more, Koi knows some details. NOW FOR THE TOPIC AT HAND I am not so happy in the bedroom. I guess neither is my husband. I had issues where I became ill with a reproductive infection. after the antibiotics;I had a ton of testing, and even a ultrasound to make sure my organs were ok. Everything came back negative. I am very happy about that. My husband want's to see a clean bill of health from the dr. before he will preform oral on me. WTF? ok, so I have not been on the reciving end of oral for a while now.. and it's ok. but hello, I was not the one who almost cheated. Now, intercourse is fine no problems there. however some times he wants me to preform oral on him until he orgasms. Usually I have no problem with this. however it's been an ongoing problem that he just gets his rocks off and I get nothing. I have mentioned this before to him. 2 days ago he hinted that he wanted oral and I got the hint. I told him that if he wants oral then he needs to make the first move on me. that's when he made the "I want to see a clean bill of health statement" I replied that i am not even talking about oral. then I finished with I am not doing anything until you approach me first. Last night I figured that if I got him aroused enough he'd want to provide for me some sexual gratification as well. so I did tease him with a bit of oral, and said to him that I wanted to finish the job but that when I do he'll roll over and go to sleep. I said (jokingly) that he needs to pay me. then I said seriously that I did want some gratification besides what I get when her orgasms. and told him what I wanted exactly. his reply: I am not paying for oral, if I do then I'll go out and pay someone. I am upset but not visibly so. So I reply I am not asking about money just for you to play with my body. a nibble here on the boobehs, play with my nether's with your hands. If you can't or won't do that then I am not going to preform oral on you. I said sarcastically but truthfully, geez with you so unwilling to play with me and my asking I must sound so selfish. then rolled over to bed. End result: He went to bed with blue balls. Am I wrong I wanting pleasure too?
Not really, but I think he should be somewhat ensured that he won't get anything from popping your cherry. He needs to feel safe, and secure, to be able to give you the sexing you desire. I'm guessing the main deal here is the fact that you've had the infection down there, and that he does not wish to get what you've had. And also, use words that are kind, and confidence building, make sure he feels special, and important. Once he feels all those things with you, and about you, he'll have no trouble giving you a screaming orgasm.
Although my way of approaching this may not be correct
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Posted: Sun Jun 04, 2006 4:02 pm
well we do have intercourse. and I alreay went to the Dr and they say I am ok. (he's the one who gave me the infection anyway... no it's not like that either people.) It was a common infection that we females get. sometimes I hate being a female...
what I am upset about is that when he want's oral and no sex, he doesn't give me any pleasure at all. all I am asking in return is a little petting.
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Posted: Sun Jun 04, 2006 8:45 pm
He's being an a**-face. Period.
BUT, the worst thing you can do is just say "I will not do anything sexual with you until you do what I say" because then YOU will look like a jerk too.
What you both need to do is sit down (waaaaay before you get to the bedroom) and talk about it when the pressure's off and you don't have to worry about an impending lovemaking session.
Secondly, you both need to seriously talk about what you both are willing and not willing to do sexually, and what kind of protection, or precautions that you both want to take. If he got you infected with something, you might decide that condoms and dental dams are the way you both want to go when you have oral or vaginal sex.
Or you might want to try doing a handjob-session, where you're both using fingers and hands to explore each other.
And do not make any further allusions to being like his prostitute. You're not. You're his wife, and you deserve respect and love during sex, just as he deserves the same from you.
But take it from me when I say that anger and sex do not mix well, and I don't want either of you to get violent or even destroy your relationship.
The big thing you're going to have to do is immediately start telling him that you were hurt by him, and that you want to talk about this in detail and set aside some time to do so with him.
You may also want to make up a list of what you're both willing to do and the compromises you're both willing to make.
Also realise that sometimes, because your spouse can't read your mind, he may not necessarily know that you want to be carressed, or touched outside of sex.
I love it when my fiance rubs my back, or just touches my hand while I'm making breakfast, or comes up behind me and hugs me.
Sex does not start in the bedroom, it starts with that touch on your thigh when you're driving home, or that eyebrow-raising look of lust over coffee.
It's important that he knows when he does something you like, too. The more praise you give him for doing what you like, the more likely he is to exhibit certain behaviors.
I hope I helped and I hope that things look up for you!
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Posted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 12:32 am
Oni-Angel He's being an a**-face. Period. BUT, the worst thing you can do is just say "I will not do anything sexual with you until you do what I say" because then YOU will look like a jerk too. What you both need to do is sit down (waaaaay before you get to the bedroom) and talk about it when the pressure's off and you don't have to worry about an impending lovemaking session. Secondly, you both need to seriously talk about what you both are willing and not willing to do sexually, and what kind of protection, or precautions that you both want to take. If he got you infected with something, you might decide that condoms and dental dams are the way you both want to go when you have oral or vaginal sex. Or you might want to try doing a handjob-session, where you're both using fingers and hands to explore each other. And do not make any further allusions to being like his prostitute. You're not. You're his wife, and you deserve respect and love during sex, just as he deserves the same from you. But take it from me when I say that anger and sex do not mix well, and I don't want either of you to get violent or even destroy your relationship. The big thing you're going to have to do is immediately start telling him that you were hurt by him, and that you want to talk about this in detail and set aside some time to do so with him. You may also want to make up a list of what you're both willing to do and the compromises you're both willing to make. Also realise that sometimes, because your spouse can't read your mind, he may not necessarily know that you want to be carressed, or touched outside of sex. I love it when my fiance rubs my back, or just touches my hand while I'm making breakfast, or comes up behind me and hugs me. Sex does not start in the bedroom, it starts with that touch on your thigh when you're driving home, or that eyebrow-raising look of lust over coffee. It's important that he knows when he does something you like, too. The more praise you give him for doing what you like, the more likely he is to exhibit certain behaviors. I hope I helped and I hope that things look up for you!
3nodding 3nodding 3nodding
Protection, feeling comfortable with the one you're with, and respected by the one you're with, and the little things Oni mentions can lead to big things in the sack.
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Posted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 4:19 am
Thanks everyone. Especiall you Oni, Some stuff made sence and some things I didn't even think to do so I was taken seriously.
We will need to talk and while I do praise him when he does something I like; I'll try harder to make sure he know's.
We have done counciling. LOL and I didn't know what a dental dam was!
I am greatful to you guys and thanks for reading and well giving me your input... lol at the cost of my privacy.
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Posted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 6:32 am
Time for Lord Vyce's Blunt Tips of the Day.
Brought to you by Sandpaper Toilet Paper. Because if you're an a**, you deserve the very best. Feel the clean!
Okay, many may have been said previously, but I wanted a crack at this.
First of all, no sex. No oral, no a**l, no vaginal, no nada. First this gets sorted out, because, honestly, your man makes me want to slap him...with my testicles.
Like Oni said, talking about it helps a lot, especially if the talking happens way far from the intercourse location of current choice. Not being reciprocal is no excuse for being a jerk, even when it's in fear of bacterial infection. (which is way harder to get on guys, and even so, the remedies are easier to get and faster acting, so I don't get the attitude)
If he wants a b*****b, he better reciprocate. One-way sex is hooker sex, and you're no hooker. Be blunt, be direct and to the point, but no insults or strong words, for he might get scared of actually being called on what he's doing. If nothing else works, a swift kick in the backside followed by "No p***y, a** or mouth fo' you" in a chinese accent is 90% effective in doing the reality check.
I mean, yeesh, did someone turn your guy into Jack Frost? What's with the cold shoulder? Other than that, it seems getting hints is not his forte. No more hints for him, kay? He might just get confused and end up cooking omelets or doing some weird random crap, making the situation awkward.
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