To warn you all ahead of time, this is going to be a long post. You are, by no means, obligated to read all of it. If you do, kudos.
I can’t really say I’m a long-time veteran of the community. I found this place in 2010 and became active in 2011 after fleshing out a number of character ideas. At the time, Dion was my only character; a mercenary-for-hire much like AWA whose services could be bought from the highest bidder. In realizing that the gimmick was not only not viable, but also pretty lame, I decided to rework it and focus on a new character concept. It was unique to the community, but by no means was it original. I did, however, enjoy this new character I created with Dion, and it lead to success. It got me to thinking about other characters I wanted to run. The characters you’ve seen me use (Dion, Anton, Asimov, Drex/Taquar/Brandon, Action b*****d II) are just a drop in a large bucket of character concepts (my journal has more, though many are skeleton profiles).
I like to consider myself a storywriter; a lot of the characters I brought in I’ve used for my own wrestling writing. I’m proud of a number of things I did here, and some things I am not proud of. I wanted to preface all of this before I said anything further, because I wanted to leave some perspective about who I am as a writer before I drop some truth on you all.
The truth is…
...I just don’t have it in me anymore.
It really isn’t a big secret. My activity in the last year alone has been abominably bad. I’ve half-assed matches, took on more auto-hits than I can even count, completely forgotten matches or promos. You name it, I probably did it...RP-wise, anyway. I have no reasons, no excuses, for why these things happened. And even if I did, it wouldn’t matter. Fact remains, I dropped the ball a number of times. The truth is, my life is taking much more out of me than I thought I could handle. Having depression and anxiety on top of that, along with a work schedule that leaves me utterly exhausted after each day, to the point where I just don’t want to do anything anymore...I think you get the idea. This post even took me a week to write, in order to collect my thoughts all at once.
Every time I see I’ve either forgotten about a match, or took too long to respond to a move, or even coming in too close to make roll call, only to drop the ball another cycle, it tears me to ******** pieces. There is no one to blame but myself on this, and as I have been thinking about this, I could only think of two solutions. I could either work harder and add more stress to my life by being as active as ever, or I could take the edge off by stepping aside, knowing I wouldn’t have the time to do so.
I’m announcing to you all, that I’ve chosen to step aside.
I will honor the commitments I have made for the cards I am currently in, but after that, I will be stepping aside. I don’t know how long I will be away. I don’t even know if I will come back to active competition here. Hell, I’m not even sure if I want to use Gaia again. But what I do know is this: I will still be around on Skype if you guys want to chat.
Since this sounds a lot like a retirement post, I really should take this opportunity now to thank a number of people who have helped me, either in the past or currently (this isn’t in any order, just people that come to my mind as I go along):
Chrono - I know you and I would often butt heads in the past, but we also did some great writing together. You did help me in the development of my first character, and I took those suggestions to heart when I created more. Out here, you can be an a** (but lets face it; we’re all asses, so that’s not too much there), but when we talk one-on-one, you can be patient and helpful, with a deep well of ideas.
Shanahan - I think of you like a brother at times, and you are the best mentor I could possibly have here. Along with giving ideas and not holding back on feedback, you’ve been a great person to get to know.
Major - You sly son-of-a-b***h, don’t you think I forgot about you. I miss our days together running roughshot through tag teams. But aside from all of that, you always manage to embody a lot of what I thought I could do; just go out and compete, not worry about who is bashing who. Its an attitude I always try to emulate.
King - I feel bad, because I feel like I haven’t had much of a chance to get to know you better. But I know you’re one of the best writers around here, and you usually have one of the best attitudes around. Don’t ever lose that.
Dallas - I guess we’ll have to have a raincheck on our feud. You’ve been incredibly fun to watch come back after a long time, and I am proud of your success. I sincerely hope for the best.
Freakshow - ...******** bitches, get money?
If I didn’t mention you, don’t feel bad; you all have shaped me, in various ways...except maybe Freakshow...he tried to sell me a watch he took off my wrist…
Anyway, I will still be around until cards have expired, but I’ll be done after that. So, with that in mind, I wanted to end this with a quote:
“I am your enemy, the first one you’ve ever had who is smarter than you. There is no teacher but the enemy. No one but the enemy will tell you what the enemy is going to do. No one but the enemy will ever teach you how to destroy and conquer. Only the enemy shows you where you are weak. Only the enemy tells you where he is strong. And the rules of the game are what you can do to him and what you can stop him from doing to you. I am your enemy from now on.” -Orson Scott Card
Stay thirsty, my friends.
I can’t really say I’m a long-time veteran of the community. I found this place in 2010 and became active in 2011 after fleshing out a number of character ideas. At the time, Dion was my only character; a mercenary-for-hire much like AWA whose services could be bought from the highest bidder. In realizing that the gimmick was not only not viable, but also pretty lame, I decided to rework it and focus on a new character concept. It was unique to the community, but by no means was it original. I did, however, enjoy this new character I created with Dion, and it lead to success. It got me to thinking about other characters I wanted to run. The characters you’ve seen me use (Dion, Anton, Asimov, Drex/Taquar/Brandon, Action b*****d II) are just a drop in a large bucket of character concepts (my journal has more, though many are skeleton profiles).
I like to consider myself a storywriter; a lot of the characters I brought in I’ve used for my own wrestling writing. I’m proud of a number of things I did here, and some things I am not proud of. I wanted to preface all of this before I said anything further, because I wanted to leave some perspective about who I am as a writer before I drop some truth on you all.
The truth is…
...I just don’t have it in me anymore.
It really isn’t a big secret. My activity in the last year alone has been abominably bad. I’ve half-assed matches, took on more auto-hits than I can even count, completely forgotten matches or promos. You name it, I probably did it...RP-wise, anyway. I have no reasons, no excuses, for why these things happened. And even if I did, it wouldn’t matter. Fact remains, I dropped the ball a number of times. The truth is, my life is taking much more out of me than I thought I could handle. Having depression and anxiety on top of that, along with a work schedule that leaves me utterly exhausted after each day, to the point where I just don’t want to do anything anymore...I think you get the idea. This post even took me a week to write, in order to collect my thoughts all at once.
Every time I see I’ve either forgotten about a match, or took too long to respond to a move, or even coming in too close to make roll call, only to drop the ball another cycle, it tears me to ******** pieces. There is no one to blame but myself on this, and as I have been thinking about this, I could only think of two solutions. I could either work harder and add more stress to my life by being as active as ever, or I could take the edge off by stepping aside, knowing I wouldn’t have the time to do so.
I’m announcing to you all, that I’ve chosen to step aside.
I will honor the commitments I have made for the cards I am currently in, but after that, I will be stepping aside. I don’t know how long I will be away. I don’t even know if I will come back to active competition here. Hell, I’m not even sure if I want to use Gaia again. But what I do know is this: I will still be around on Skype if you guys want to chat.
Since this sounds a lot like a retirement post, I really should take this opportunity now to thank a number of people who have helped me, either in the past or currently (this isn’t in any order, just people that come to my mind as I go along):
Chrono - I know you and I would often butt heads in the past, but we also did some great writing together. You did help me in the development of my first character, and I took those suggestions to heart when I created more. Out here, you can be an a** (but lets face it; we’re all asses, so that’s not too much there), but when we talk one-on-one, you can be patient and helpful, with a deep well of ideas.
Shanahan - I think of you like a brother at times, and you are the best mentor I could possibly have here. Along with giving ideas and not holding back on feedback, you’ve been a great person to get to know.
Major - You sly son-of-a-b***h, don’t you think I forgot about you. I miss our days together running roughshot through tag teams. But aside from all of that, you always manage to embody a lot of what I thought I could do; just go out and compete, not worry about who is bashing who. Its an attitude I always try to emulate.
King - I feel bad, because I feel like I haven’t had much of a chance to get to know you better. But I know you’re one of the best writers around here, and you usually have one of the best attitudes around. Don’t ever lose that.
Dallas - I guess we’ll have to have a raincheck on our feud. You’ve been incredibly fun to watch come back after a long time, and I am proud of your success. I sincerely hope for the best.
Freakshow - ...******** bitches, get money?
If I didn’t mention you, don’t feel bad; you all have shaped me, in various ways...except maybe Freakshow...he tried to sell me a watch he took off my wrist…
Anyway, I will still be around until cards have expired, but I’ll be done after that. So, with that in mind, I wanted to end this with a quote:
“I am your enemy, the first one you’ve ever had who is smarter than you. There is no teacher but the enemy. No one but the enemy will tell you what the enemy is going to do. No one but the enemy will ever teach you how to destroy and conquer. Only the enemy shows you where you are weak. Only the enemy tells you where he is strong. And the rules of the game are what you can do to him and what you can stop him from doing to you. I am your enemy from now on.” -Orson Scott Card
Stay thirsty, my friends.
