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 Posted: Fri Apr 04, 2014 6:57 pm
That I got published in a local university paper for foreign exchange students since I know the person who makes the paper and that week they had a horror theme. Earned some money off it and since it's now 2-3 weeks since it was printed, then I can show it elsewhere without any of them getting irritated.
FYI, I am a amatuer writer, It is intended to be a Horror Novel and I got some inspiration from Creepypasta's. Also may be some Typo's as it went through two other people checking for misspelling before it went into the paper and you're getting the draft itself.
So enjoy and let me know what you think.
My Little Girl
I thought losing my wife was the worst thing that could happen, I was wrong.
The worst thing that could ever happen just did three weeks ago, God.....feels like yesterday.
I suppose to have you make any sense of this I'll have to start from the beginning, back in the hospital and who I am.
My name is Kjetil Lillstrand, I live in a single story house within a small suburban area in Sandnes. That's on the west coast of Norway to be a little broader. I suppose I'm much like an average guy, I work within the Oil Industry as a Project Manager. Dull work at times but it's well paid. Am...were a married man to a wonderful woman named Kari Jonsby for 6 years.
We had been trying so hard for quite some time before she and I and finally we got the news that she was pregnant. She looked so happy when we were told and I know my smile went from ear to ear. Months later we finally knew the gender, a girl. A small and perfect baby girl. We decided on the name Sandra.
They day your child is born is supposed to be the happiest day in your life I've heard, but Kari lost so much blood. So much. Her skin felt cold and soaked in sweat. The doctors had tried to get me to agree to rescue my wife at the cost of our child, but...I couldn't. Not with the way my wife looked at me and pleaded to make sure they got our little girl out. There was so much blood, too much. They rolled her towards the Emergency room while I remained with the nurses and my baby girl. So happy to have her born and so full of guilty and sadness that I felt that way when my wife were bleeding to death.
Sandra is the reason I got through her death, raising a child on your own is no easy task but I could never give up. For both their sake. Sandra was the sunshine in my life and my comfort throughout the years, with time all wounds heal they say. I suppose there's some truth to it.
She was such a sweet girl, polite and friendly although a little mischevious at times. I'd often wake up to her stroking her hand against my cheek, sometimes by having her jump onto the bed which usually ended up in a tickle match before breakfast and school. She would giggle cheerfully at every silly joke I told and never made too much of a fuss when I had to put my foot down. Dilligent and clever, helped around the house and actually liked to do her math homework. Probably got that from her mother.
I regret not taking more consideration into her feelings when I started to date Veronica, Sandra did not like her. I figured it was simple jealousy, afterall it had been six years since my wife died and all that time Sandra was the only one who had my utmost attention. But I wanted her to have a woman in her life, a female rolemodel that would nurture her as I did and despite having Sandra...a part of me felt lonely. It was finally a real step for me to move on. My stubbornness prevailed and Sandra soon took a liking to Veronica, well she didn't make a fuss about it and were as polite and friendly towards Veronica as I'd expect of her.
My poor girl...
Sandra was sick the day she.... and I called in sick for once to tend to her fever and pain of a sore throat, I managed to get the tv into her bedroom so she could stay in bed and watch cartoons. I even made chicken soup. She was so tired though that she slept most of the day, so I didn't think that leaving for a brief half hour to do grocery shopping would do any harm. I wrote her a note and even put my work phone on her nightstand just incase. My final precaution was sending a text to Veronica so she knew of it and maybe decided to go half an hour earlier from work.
All I remember from that point is the sight of my daughter in the garage, in a puddle of vomit and the box of rat poison spilled out on the concrete. I was stunned, crushed, in disbelief and completely absent all at once. Why had she left her bed? Why the garage?, To find me? But I wrote her a note! Did it fall down between the nightstand and the bed? My biggest question however was...why did she eat the rat poison?
Veronica never left my side the next few days, days with questions and a lack of answers. "Childish curiousity" they said, a tragic accident. One officer ment she had probably mistaken the cereal box for the rat poison due to the fever, I also heard the muttering of bad parent underneath their breath which just further fell heavy on my heart. Veronica kept comforting me as well as she could, every day. It wasn't until after the funeral that I dared to set foot back into the garage. The rat poison box was still there where it had been found even though it wasn't, I could still see Sandra laying there. The sight burned into my mind.
"Hey", The voice startled me and had me jump forward a little, Veronica looked at me with a worried expression while leaning against the doorframe. I swallowed hard and faked a brief smile to reassure her.
"You shouldn't strain yourself to be in here if you're not ready", It was sweet that she worried about me, Though I must've looked like quite the pathetic sight. " I know, I'm..just here to remove the hidden camera", I heard Veronica gasp a little. Had I not told her?..... The garage door had gotten stuck open several weeks ago and I decided to install a hidden camera so to ensure that if anyone snuck in at night to steal the car or some of the tools in plain sight then I'd have their face to show the police, I had been meaning to remove it but with all that had been going on.
"Why didn't you tell the police you had a camera?", Veronica walked over to watch me pull it out from the shelf, hidden between a toolbox and some books I had about car engines. It was a great spot, had the entire garage in view at the angle I had put it. " I-i had forgot about it, only remembered it around half an hour ago. I'm sorry if I forgot to tell you."
Veronica placed her hands on my shoulder and gave my neck a small kiss, " Do you think you have footage of.." I cut her off before she could finish the sentence, " No, It's likely been overwritten automatically to save space..And even if it hasn't, I-i don't know if I could watch it." I'll be honest enough to say I broke down in tears at the thought of witnessing my little girl eating the rat poison and dying before my eyes.
My sleep was as uneasy as it had been the past few weeks, I'd have nightmares once I did fall asleep and jolt awake in cold sweat. The guilt was eating up at me, if I hadn't gone to the store then she would've still been alive. That was something constantly on my mind.
I awoke that night like I had the others the past weeks, glancing over to the alarm clock to see it had gone two hours over midnight. Rain was coming down hard outside, typical September weather. The street light on the corner outside had managed to get past a gap in the curtain. Leaving a line of light on the wall. I'd try to get back to sleep but I could feel my bladder had other plans, probably just as well. Wouldn't want to have me wetting the bed next time the nightmares jolted me awake. I turned on the nightstand lamp, slid out of bed carefully so not to wake Veronica and opened the bedroom door. The corridor was pitch dark enough that I merely saw silhouettes of the pictures on the wall, I made my way downwards towards the bathroom slowly and carefully. Shaking of any uneasy feeling I had. Though I came to a brief halt when I were about to pass my study, strange..I could see lights were on through the gap by the floor and the unmistakenable humming sound of the computer fans. Had I forgotten to turn the machine off?
I brushed the thought away that I must have and continued to the bathroom, I was about done when something caught my attention. Rain..but not only the muffled sound it gave when you were inside, Sounded more clear, like something was left open or opened. My heart began to race as I carefully moved out of the bathroom and towards the livingroom, Couldn't be a window open, Veronica always checked every window and door before bed. No it wasn't a window that was open, but the terrace door. Not much but enough for someone to slip inside. I made sure to check the living room before I walked over to the door and shut it, glancing down on the floor as I locked it. My eyes having adjusted to the darkness by now.
Footprints, Muddy footprints glistening on the wooden floor. But they were small, childlike and moved inwards into the house. My thoughts returned to the study, was someone in there? A burglar? I felt like I was in one of those Hollywood horror movies as I carefully walked back towards the study, feeling the heart throb in my throat. I'd shout for Veronica but I'd rather get the drop on the intruder. Possibly scare them more then they'd scare me, then keep them at bay while she called the police. I braced myself as I grabbed the door handle and....nothing.
The room was empty, illuminated only by the desk lap. The computer screen was reflecting in the window and with a...video file up? I could see as I approached the desk that my spy camera had been plugged into the computer, I was stunned since I was certain I had packed it away in the box it came with. Curiosity made me check the folder with the video file before I watched it, the one selected was the oldest one of them. One more day and it would've been overwritten. I'm glad it didn't now in retrospect.
The Video didn't show much at first, just the garage. Though I could see the car was gone so it must've been after I went to the store and by the date in the top corner it was that very day...Sandra died. I considered just stopping it right there, the thought of watching her die.... But Somehow I kept watching, my lower jaw dropping and my eyes widening. Was that Veronica? and was she dragging? No. Nononono. I watched in disbelief as Veronica dragged Sandra into the garage, it looked like she struggled but with that high fever she had that day she'd be so weak. I watched it happen...how Veronica grabbed the rat poison box and forced Sandra's mouth open with one hand. Forcing her to eat it. So much of it. Then how she watched as Sandra convulsed, threw up several times and then fell down. Veronica, why? I have trouble describing how enraged I was, That ******** b***h. I'd kill her!
A scream, a loud bloodcurling shriek rang out that damn near startled me to death, I ran. Don't know why, I could hear Vonica screaming and shouting for me. Did I want to help her? I slammed the door open and starred in disbelief. There, light up by the lamp on the nightstand, sitting ontop of Veronica's back was a little girl, no older then 6 years old. Starring back at me with pitch black eyes, her blond hair dirty, muddy and reaching to her shoulders, wearing the same blue dress that she was burried in. She smiled at me, briefly before she opened her mouth and leaned down to sink inhumanly shaped sharp teeth into Veronicas shoulder, causing her to scream louder and louder. She was pleading, begging me to help her. She was my girlfriend....and I shut the door infront of me. Leaving her alone with Sandra. I sat myself down infront of the door, shocked?, stunned? I don't know. I could hear how the screams died out and the sickly sound of meat being ripped of bones and chewed, It rung through my entire head. I must've passed out or fallen asleep at one point, mentally exhausted perhaps.
It was surreal, when I woke up I expected a massacre when I opened the bedroom door again but nothing. No blood, no body. The bed had been neatly made, even the muddy footsprints in the livingroom were gone. It felt like it had been another nightmare but...Veronica was gone and the video file. The only proof this had happened, I erased it after watching it again.
Naturally Veronicas friends and family wondered where she had gone, I told them she had dumped me and had no idea where she was. A lie but also with a hint of truth. The Police got involved and I naturally became a suspect but no evidence that I had killed her eventually left her case cold. Some still think that I'm guilty, I can understand that and..I frankly don't care. It may make me a horrible person but I can live with the knowledge that Veronica is dead and I'm the only one who knows. I've embrace solitude, I go through the motions so I can eat, keep warm and live in this same house. Much like how I did before Veronica, when it was just me and Sandra. Those blissful days.
I still have them. More often then not do I wake up to the feeling of a cold small hand caressing my cheek and the soft and tender word spoken by that familiar voice.
"Daddy"
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Posted: Fri Apr 04, 2014 8:36 pm
WELL GAWRSH, I SHOOR DU LUV ME SUM CREEPY PASTA!
Seriously though, not bad. I see what you mean about this being a draft copy and as such can't really think of this deserving any knocks against it. Cliches are here, sure, but that's the nature of creepypasta; spooks and scares that have always been fun. While not legitimately frightening it's still a 'scare' of sorts.
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Posted: Sat Apr 05, 2014 4:29 am
Thank you for your input. I'm always very self critical of stories I write, Which is why I always got low scores on school day written exams cause I never finished them because I did them over several times.
I will agree that calling it a horror story is a bit of a stretch as there's not really any frightening happening like you pointed out, psychological thriller, maybe. And as far as cliches go, I knew there would be some but I made a choice to avoid the obvious ones such as excessive blood and "Hyper realistic eyes". Perhaps I will post more as I'm certain this won't be the only one I'd do, hopefully trying to lean it more towards being frightening or the very least creepy.
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Posted: Sat Apr 05, 2014 1:27 pm
Every other font looks so big now. This is lovely, obviously despite some grammatical errors. You should place more emphasis on the original mother, i feel. I had to reread the beginning to catch her name again. Make sure the audience knows who you're speaking about.
Other than that, really nice stuff. Also, drag out the post-death of Sandra. In my opinion it'd make it creepier if there were hints that Sandra was a monster/ghost/whatever before Veronica officially dies. Maybe kill Veronica off slowly. Maybe relatively the same as Sandra died?
Either way I like it. Thanks for posting it Ali!
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Posted: Sat Apr 05, 2014 1:32 pm
Well It's a little late to improve it now since it's been in print. But I'll keep your suggestions in mind for a potential new story. 3nodding
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