WARNING: I am only hilarious sometimes. This might not be one of those times.
Right, so a little background. I'm a twenty year old lesbian who, at this point in time, still lives with her parents. My parents are both very religious (scripture verses all over the wall, etc, etc), and I know for a fact that they won't be happy with me enjoying ladies. They will not accept it. Hell, they don't know very much about me anyway. There is no debate, no maybes. I'll probably be kicked out. So I'm waiting it out as long as I can, until I'm financially stable and on my own. However, that time is coming...a lot faster than I expected. So lately I've been brainstorming very interesting, slightly hilarious ways to break the news to my parents in the near future.
- ● Sneaking into their rooms at night and whispering, "You're daughter is a lesbiannn, and you're okay with it.~" quietly as they sleep. Pray they wake up confused and less judgmental.
...Probably the least effective of my plans..
●Wait for a large family gathering. Casually say, "I enjoy vaginia." in conversation and when someone says 'Wait what?', cover it up with, "I said I enjoy Virginia.".
Repeat until people start looking at me funny or I get pulled to the side.
●Wait until one of my cousins ******** up and gets a girl pregnant. Quietly point out that this is totally worse than, say, oh I dunno, someone in our family being gay.
Awkwardly laugh then pretend it never happened. Then do it again two days later.
●Wait for my parents to find out that I smoke cigarettes. Let all the built up lies flow out, including somewhere that I'm gay. Hope that all the information overwhelms them and they deal with it later. Pray they don't take my laptop.
I call this one, the river of lieeessss.
●Open Microsoft Word. Write, "YOUR DAUGHTER IS A LESBIAN!" in bold, 45 sized font. Leave laptop open and set one of my stuffed animals beside the laptop. Pretend to be shocked and insist that said stuffed animal is alive.
Avoid all questioning, because my bear is obviously Ted, and that's totally more important than my sexuality right now.
●Show parents this video, then run away.
------> Here
●Make them a cake with a rainbow flag on it that says I'm gay.
Hope that they at least enjoy the cake.
...Yeah, that's all I've got so far.
