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 Posted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 3:40 pm
So, someone that I know - well, knew - died in a car crash last night. She was 17, driving alone, and apparently alcohol wasn't a factor. But, the reason for posting this isn't because I'm distraught about it. Actually, quite the opposite. I almost don't care even at all. Granted, we didn't really spend any time around each other, or know each other very well. We were on friendly terms, but we never did anything together. A friendly acquaintance, I guess. Facebook is completely flooded with people posting pictures and R.I.P. things- and even though it JUST happened, I'm already sick of it. I barely even care that other people care. When I first heard, I was a little rattled, but that went away really fast. And honestly, the thing that I care about most of it all is the irritation I feel that all these people that barely knew her and making these posts about how she was such a great friend and how much they'll miss her. Like, really, it hardly makes a difference to them at all. It would be effectively the same if she'd just moved a long way away.
But more than anything else, I feel like a disgusting, abominable creature. Is every last bit of my compassion completely gone? Or am I just in a weird stage of grief?
I don't know. But I felt like I should say this, and I didn't dare say it to any of their faces, because apparently, I still have some empathy.
Whatever. It is what it is. I won't fake sadness to appease those who are sad. I guess I'll just have to be the distant, uncaring person that I've evidently turned into.
Thanks for reading...
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Posted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 4:15 pm
sounds to me like you're reacting like she moved far away, which in a sense, she has. some people don't grieve, it's not too common, but they're out there
but like you said, she was a friendly acquaintance, nothing more. feeling some sadness or none at all in that case is fine, but so say she was a great friend like you've always been BFFs? yeah, that sickens me, too. i want to tell them 'shut up, you barely knew them, stop saying that you two were BFFLs!'
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Posted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 5:09 pm
Well, indifference is actually one of the stages of grief. So is anger, confusion, loneliness, denial, and relief. Not necessarily in any order. Hundreds of people means hundreds of ways of dealing with things. Indifference doesn't necessarily mean your a jerk. It's just your mind trying to cope with change.
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Posted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 5:40 pm
You know I don't think there is anything wrong with how you feel. Last year there were two people in my school who died, one that I knew fairly well and one that my boyfriend knew.
The first one, who I knew, was shot in the head. It was an accident, he went to move the gun and there was something wrong with the safety. I wrote my own note about him. I had known him for about four years, and sat with him every day at lunch freshman year. It was strange, I had just seen him the day before all smiley. It was very sad and I was in shock. While I hung out with him a lot we did not know each other on a very personal level. So I was still shaken and sad for a bit but I wasn't distraught. But when it came to facebook I just became angry. I knew that I didn't know him on a deep level but I still knew him alot more than all these people and their sob stories.
The second was a girl who committed suicide. I didn't know her at all. I did write something on facebook but in it i specifically said that i did not know her. And it made me very angry at all the people once again making sob stories and theories to why she did it because she did not leave a note.
So I guess what I am trying to say is that it's normal for you to be feeling irritated about it all even though it just happened. People use this stuff to get attention for themselves and it's sickening. I hope that my little story has helped you with the way you feel about the event.
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Posted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 7:29 am
Well, that could be it, I guess. Since we never really talked anyway, it would be about the same to me... I don't think I would say that I "don't grieve", because I have lost people close to me, and I did grieve over them. But that's been a while, so I suppose I might have evolved past that. I feel like telling those people to shut up, but I don't think many would take kindly to that, so I've been trying to refrain myself from it. The thing is, there isn't really a change for me. My indifference might just be me being weird, since I've been having a lot of different thoughts on death lately. It just doesn't seem to bad anymore, which I guess is what's confusing me about other people freaking out. And that's not to say that I want to die, or that I'm envious that she died and I didn't or something weird. But I feel like it's just another opportunity at existance that no one knows about, so I'm curious about it. I don't know. Thanks, though. It does help, thank you. It really is sickening. I see some of the things people are saying and doing, and I can't help but feel like their only motives are themselves. Whether it's trying to get attention, or if they're sad because of their loss, not because the person that died is deprived of life. And I think, "You know, there are thousands of people that are dying all over the world every day, and you don't see any of these people mourn them, yet one person that they kind of knew died, and they're world is suddenly upside down." It's grossly selfish, and I find it repulsive. I think I've gone cynical...
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Posted: Sun Mar 10, 2013 3:16 am
Im kind of the same way, even with family.
Makes me feel like a major d**k sometimes, but it helps when other family members go "You know what? When I go, I don't want it to be a big thing. No crying, no mourning; it's a part of life."
I also (weirdly) like to relate to wolves in times of loss, especially when Im surrounded by people making a scene. I read once how wolve will indeed mourn the dead for a few days but then go back to normal, like nothing happened. That's not to say you forget the person was ever there, just we don't linger and make our hearts heavy with grief.
I have absolutely no idea why I'm saying all this, but you do what you have to do. If you don't grieve because you didn't know the person all that well, then don't. I know two people I went to school with who died when we were still in school. I didn't know them personally, so I didn't really have an opinion on whether to miss them or not. We all have these situations once or twice, don't we?
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Posted: Sun Mar 10, 2013 7:38 pm
It all depends on the situation. I knew lots of people in highschool who are dead now. I didn't feel bad, but that's just because they were already out of my life by then.
Soem of my family members in other countries died. It didn't seem to effect me until I saw the rest of my family truly grieving. It didn't make my grieve but it did make me see the impact of a lost loved one. While I didn't know them personally I could see the damage by proxy and that did make me feel sad.
So that's what I think matters. Impact on your life whether on you or by people you know. And thats what bothers you about facebook... Its fake impact.
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