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 Posted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 12:01 pm
Hello! I'm sorry this has taken me so long to get back to, I've been busy with exams. I have read your rp sample, I"m impressed by the call to go above minimum word count for a chunnin application, and with some effort I think you'll make a great addition to the village. There were some minor issues, mostly be aware of the run-on sentences, but for the most part your grammar was good, and I didn't miss the language use that tried to avoid meta-playing even in a single person post. As a chunnin I'm not expecting absolutely perfect, and you've got the right workings to start with, so congratulations! Welcome to Kumo!
Now, because I've just accepted Batman that technically means I don't have a spot available as a chunnin right now, but I feel I should let you know why I made this decision so you can improve. The big factor in my opinion was your verb use. Grammatically, "awaken from his bed" was not correct, and instead should have been "awoken." Though it's a small difference, there were others like, "who would have known that he ready" should be "he was ready." Again, small change, but it makes a big difference between understandable and just plain confusing. Verb's are one of the main structural pieces of the English language, without using them properly it's simply hard to catch your meaning.
So here's what I would suggest: write in a word processor. Mistakes such as these are easily avoided, and if you really need help with it just ask. I may be a mod, but I'm friendly and want to help people succeed. Give it a little time, and with some hard work on your writing you might be a jounin in due time.
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Posted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 12:31 pm
IGmangachick Hello! I'm sorry this has taken me so long to get back to, I've been busy with exams. I have read your rp sample, I"m impressed by the call to go above minimum word count for a chunnin application, and with some effort I think you'll make a great addition to the village. There were some minor issues, mostly be aware of the run-on sentences, but for the most part your grammar was good, and I didn't miss the language use that tried to avoid meta-playing even in a single person post. As a chunnin I'm not expecting absolutely perfect, and you've got the right workings to start with, so congratulations! Welcome to Kumo!Now, because I've just accepted Batman that technically means I don't have a spot available as a chunnin right now, but I feel I should let you know why I made this decision so you can improve. The big factor in my opinion was your verb use. Grammatically, "awaken from his bed" was not correct, and instead should have been "awoken." Though it's a small difference, there were others like, "who would have known that he ready" should be "he was ready." Again, small change, but it makes a big difference between understandable and just plain confusing. Verb's are one of the main structural pieces of the English language, without using them properly it's simply hard to catch your meaning.
So here's what I would suggest: write in a word processor. Mistakes such as these are easily avoided, and if you really need help with it just ask. I may be a mod, but I'm friendly and want to help people succeed. Give it a little time, and with some hard work on your writing you might be a jounin in due time. Thank you, and I knew I should have used used "awoken". Sorry for my english, well that's what happens when you only proof read once in the middle of typing. Thank you for telling this. A Jounin sounds great, even thought I prefer chuunin, but I'll take the offer with great pleasure. Thanks again and I do my best as a Ninja in going. :]
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Posted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 7:10 pm
May I use my old post and improve it and make longer. Or do I have to use a different one? IGmangachick Hello! I'm sorry this has taken me so long to get back to, I've been busy with exams. I have read your rp sample, I"m impressed by the call to go above minimum word count for a chunnin application, and with some effort I think you'll make a great addition to the village. There were some minor issues, mostly be aware of the run-on sentences, but for the most part your grammar was good, and I didn't miss the language use that tried to avoid meta-playing even in a single person post. As a chunnin I'm not expecting absolutely perfect, and you've got the right workings to start with, so congratulations! Welcome to Kumo!Now, because I've just accepted Batman that technically means I don't have a spot available as a chunnin right now, but I feel I should let you know why I made this decision so you can improve. The big factor in my opinion was your verb use. Grammatically, "awaken from his bed" was not correct, and instead should have been "awoken." Though it's a small difference, there were others like, "who would have known that he ready" should be "he was ready." Again, small change, but it makes a big difference between understandable and just plain confusing. Verb's are one of the main structural pieces of the English language, without using them properly it's simply hard to catch your meaning.
So here's what I would suggest: write in a word processor. Mistakes such as these are easily avoided, and if you really need help with it just ask. I may be a mod, but I'm friendly and want to help people succeed. Give it a little time, and with some hard work on your writing you might be a jounin in due time.
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Posted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 7:22 pm
 Uchiha Roxas
If I were you i would recommend using a new post in order to truly incorporate all the things that IG said to improve on.
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Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2013 7:37 am
Uchiha Roxas Uchiha Roxas
If I were you i would recommend using a new post in order to truly incorporate all the things that IG said to improve on.
Ok.
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Posted: Sun Mar 31, 2013 6:44 pm
Username: B1001253
What Rank are you applying for?: Jounin
What do you believe personally is the role of a Shinobi of your desired Rank?
Jounin? Well, to me, it seems as though they should be some sort of example both in and out of RP. I mean they're teachers and protectors and the pinnacle of their village, right?
RP Sample:
Oribā walked towards the application board and stopped dead outside it with little to no emotional response on his face; looking towards the application forms stuck up before his own, the Jounin shook his head and sighed slightly. If he had to be honest with the look of these applications, he would have to agree with the responses posted by the current Raikage. They were lacking in something, what that something was though was indeed a mystery to him. He wasn’t the type of guy whom was able to pass judgement on other people; he was more interested in his own thing. His own progress and well, he was excited for that too.
Closing his hands around the envelope containing his own application; “Oli” as he was often called looked towards the reception desk nervously. Unlike his usual attire, his tattooed arms and neck were hidden under a thick green hooded jacket and a shirt. It wasn’t like the usual V-neck t-shirts or beaters that people were used to him wearing. This wardrobe choice was no accident though. Concious that the heavy amount of tattoos on his body made put him at some sort of unspoken disadvantage; Oli had decided that just for today it would be best if he hid them. If no one could see them then no one could judge them and his application would be judged solely on its content and not his own aesthetics. He’d worked hard. He’d tried hard. Now it was time for him to get the recognition he wanted, deserved and in a way craved for. Making his way towards the reception desk, he smiled towards the receptionist and grasped the letter firm in his hand which in turn seemed buried in his pocket and never to reveal itself again.
“Oh,” The receptionist said, spotting the young Jounin with his long flowing brown hair and his wide brown eyes “Oribā, it’s you. I had no idea you were applying for this too. I’m sure the Raikage will choose you.” Oli simply shot her a quick smile, a cheeky heart-warming smile and shrugged. He had no idea how the Raikage would react to his application; he wasn’t exactly the best nor worst of shinobi, dangerously on-par if anything and as he’d made clear via his attire he wasn’t well looked upon thanks to his body art. So, no one was ever really sure of how things were going to go down; Oribā included. The receptionist though, seemed to have faith in him and what little faith there was out there he was more than willing to take. It wasn’t very often in this strange world of mystic shinobi and armour clad warriors that one found anything put upon them, let alone faith. These sorts of luxuries and commodities were just that little bit too rare to go around throwing away on just anyone. You had to be selective and leaning over on the desk, a single elbow kept him upright as he leaned lazily towards the receptionist and indulged her. She was nice, so there was no reason not to.
“So, Oli, when will we be seeing you sing again?” She asked poking her finger through his hoodie and shirt and jabbing him in the chest “We’ve missed you at the club the last few times you haven’t been there. Those old codgers at your Clan Compound assigned you an apprentice, have they?” Oli shook his head, he didn’t like how she talked about his Clan’s elders but she wasn’t wrong. They were all a bunch of stiff old grave dodgers and anything but fun to boot. All they seemed to do was moan more and more as Oli tried his best to impress them. He was a young maestro, a talented singer and admired far and wide for his looks despite his tattoos. He’d often thought this would be enough. But the more he tried the worse it got. But still, they hadn’t assigned him an apprentice and that was pretty good. It meant a load off the young Himei’s shoulders and if his application was to be accepted he’d be the better for their lack of trust too.
“No,” he finally replied tapping his fingers on the girl’s desk, the “DROP” tattooed across his knuckles rippled as he did so “The elder’s don’t think me as good enough t’ have an apprentice; they leave me alone which is alright by me. It means I can apply for a loveable bunch of misfits and assholes like myself.” The receptionist laughed as he referred to the Genin in such a strange and vulgar way. In Oli’s world it was quite the sign of endearment and affection but to many others, it seemed a little offensive. These two though both found it funny though and with a final flirtacious glance, the receptionist took Oli’s free hand and rested it against the table with his palm spread outwards and open. She clicked her pen and quickly went to write down her number on the presumably empty palm.
To her surprise, there was no room free upon the outstretched palm. Instead of skin, she saw illustrations, tattoos in abundance. She looked at him quizzically, he could only blush as he instead ripped off the corner of one of the other failed applications that she was about to hang up and allowed to write her number on that instead. “Call me.” She mouthed, curling one of his bangs around her finger.
Slightly embarrassed, Oribā smiled and nodded picking up the piece of paper left the reception and his application sealed in the enveloped exactly where it was meant to be.
If you are applying for Jounin, can you be active enough to benefit your squad?
I hope so.
If you are applying for Jounin, how will you get the best from your squad and how will you train them?
Um being new to Roleplaying, well at least on Gaia anyway, I think regular training and character interaction could work to my advantage. If I can somehow find what motivates my RPC's students than I think I will get great results; I RPed a teacher once in a forum, so, my theory is tried and tested and above all else successful.
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Posted: Tue Apr 02, 2013 2:15 pm
I will have you know there is a miniature moderator war going on over you. Everybody wants you, but only I get to keep you. XD
So yes, I've read it, I like it a lot, you're very witty and I appreciate it. Minor errors here and there, but overall there weren't any that detracted from your post. Based on that, I am happy to say welcome aboard! Accepted!
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Posted: Tue Apr 02, 2013 3:25 pm
A war over little old me? That's a little exciting, don't you think?
But I'm yours if you want me chica.
I'm also willing to learn. So how about it?
Up for helping out a newbie?
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Posted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 11:11 pm
Username: icuteie
Rank applying for: Chūnin
What do you believe personally is the role of a Shinobi of your desired Rank? I believe that all Chūnin should be role models to the academy students and the Genin. My role as a Chūnin is very important to me, I want to help my village as much as I possibly can.
400 word RP sample:
Aura exits the ramen shop, her facial expression blank. She was able to make the next rank up. Walking around the foreign village of Konoha, Aura feels utterly shocked. I did it.. I made Chūnin! Looking around carefully to make sure she didn't do this in front of anyone that just left the exams - Aura does a small victory dance. After finishing up her 'sly' moves, Aura looks around for any other Kumo ninja. If she had to guess where any would be, it'd be the hotels. Taking a small step forward, she notices a small tear in her black pants. There's no way that's the only garment of clothing that's ripped right? Aura starts searching for more rips and tears on her nearly spotless clothing. Standing there in complete shock - she had barely been touched by her opponent! Aura shakes her head in disbelief, her black hair coming loose and falling out of the hair tie. A small girl running up to the fallen tie, picking it up. Instead of handing it back to Aura, the little girl runs off with it. "Wait!" Realizing that's the only one she came prepared with she chases after the child - not wanting to alarm any civilians near by jumping straight into ninja mode. It was just a hair tie after all.
Twenty some-odd minutes pass by of looking for the little girl, Aura finally spots her sitting on a bench. Aura takes note of how the child is no longer alone like she had been when last seen. An ANBU standing over the girl holding out their gloved hand. The ANBU mask portraying that of a dragon. Aura walks over to the two, suddenly interested in more than just a hair tie. "I'm sorry but is something wrong? You don't usually see ANBU out and about in full uniform. Did this little girl do something - apart from taking my hair tie?" She asks, sitting down next to the girl - putting her hand on the girls shoulder. The ANBU shakes its head and walks away without a word. Aura looks to the girl, taking back her hair tie. A sweet smile forming on the Chūnins face - looking at the little girls long brown hair. I see.. That's why she took it. Deciding she can go a few days without a hair tie, Aura pulls the little girls' hair up in a simple pony tail. Watching the facial expression of the child lighten up was enough for Aura, even though the girl got up and ran off afterwards. Aura stands up and brushes herself off, feeling something odd in her kunai pouch. Thank the lords! It was a spare hair tie!
I did a little more than just 400 words, I hope that's okay!
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Posted: Tue Jun 25, 2013 7:02 pm
Username: Repressed Dream
What Rank are you applying for?: Chuunin
What do you believe personally is the role of a Shinobi of your desired Rank? Chunnin serve as the stewards of a village, they do this by specializing into one or two different roles, be that Anbu, a border guard, or the front line in a war. Chunnin are also responsible for their own development, creating their own leadership styles and using them to lead their peers into missions. They must also develop their combat abilities to become ready for the role of Jounin which may be thrust upon them at any time if the need should arise.
RP Sample:
I am submitting two things, the first are the posts I have been making in Suna with my current Gennin. Most of them fall in the 300 - 400 range not including the two or three training posts. I will also submit here a spur of the moment rp sample. To set the stage I am going to be using the personality of the character I intend to create for this position. And the situation he is in, is one that every ninja would fear. A fellow Chunnin has been captured, a very close friend, he must now fight through hell, and make a choice. To attempt rescue, or to kill her. Now begins the first Act (lol)
~~~~~~~~~~~~Begin Rp Sample~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Setsuna crouched in the edge of the forest hidden from view; his eyes were focused on his target. As a Hunter-ninja it was his job and duty to seek out and destroy the internal threats of Kumogakure. Normally this meant tracking down deserters, or stolen material vital to one clan or another. However this case was not as ordinary, his dear friend Shirin had been captured while on mission. She had access to more than one of Kumogakure’s deepest held secrets.
Right now Setsuna could see her, tied up and on her knees in the middle of three teams of Kirigakure ninja, while one ninja utilized Genjutsu to interrogate her. From his present vantage point Setsuna could easily kill her with one simple technique. Setsuna, knowing his back up was still an hour away, had to act otherwise he risked losing his targets' altogether. The only problem was his heart, normally shutting off his emotions was a simple trick, but he just couldn’t do it this time. His whole career he had been known for his absolute efficiency, for never faltering to make the hard choice, and doing whatever it took to protect Kumogakure. His mind kept drifting to the happy days of his life, most of them spent with Shirin, under the oaks of the forest, watching the sunset over the mountains, a delicate embrace under the watchful eyes of the moon. These thoughts and his many hopeful dreams of the future bounced around his mind, and just as he was about to break for a rescue attempt, her eyes met his. Tears streaming down her face, a look of sheer pain, and an almost undetectable nod.
Setsuna understood what had to be done now; he knew he had to end it all. In an instant he did what every Shinobi must be prepared to do, he sacrificed his heart and gave his soul willingly to the village. Forming silent seals and focusing his mind he made one final hand seal and felt his soul leap from his body through the air, over the transcribed seals on the ground, and into the mind of the one closest to Shirin. Up close he looked into her eyes, and ended the Genjutsu the man he now controlled had been using. Shirin looked up at him, and nodded, she knew then what was coming. “I’m sorry” With a precise motion before any of the Kirigakure Shinobi could even turn to face him, Setsuna used the man’s body to grab a kunai and stab it deep into Shirin’s heart. As he buried his weight against the blade Setsuna used the man’s body to bring one arm up and grab the back of her head with one hand, the other left the kunai and grasped her jaw, and with a sharp jerk he ended her life in an instant.
Quickly Setsuna left the Shinobi’s body returning to his own. Tears streamed down his face as he looked on at what he had done, he however had to move or they would find him. So utilizing the skill he was famous for he buried his emotions deep down, and took off from the area. Once he was a fair distance away he used his telepathic abilities to signal his comrades of his success. The unrecovered body wasn’t ideal, but it was also unimportant, Shirin didn’t have a bloodline, it was her mind that had been most valuable and that was now gone forever.
~~~~~~~~~Scene~~~~~~~~~
(lol, theater humor)
If you are applying for Jounin, can you be active enough to benefit your squad? I think this question applies to Chunnin as well, as they will need to be active enough to roleplay with the gennin teams in order to assist in their training, or even possibly to assist on missions. My answer though is a resounding Yes! I will do my best to post every day though sometimes it might be right before bed and only once, I will post, this I solemnly swear.
If you are applying for Jounin, how will you get the best from your squad and how will you train them?
As a chunnin it is likely that I will be paired with another chunnin, as I intend to make a Hunter-nin it is also possible I will have a gennin apprentice to train. I think training is done in two ways, the first is in the refining of a persons techniques. In rp this means honing their characters strengths and weeding out their weaknesses.OOC this means coaching them on better ways to roleplay, or on their literacy errors. In the event of being used as a Jounin's training assistant (aka the punching bag lol) they need to be ready to play along and be able to follow the Jounin's lead.
Thank you for considering me for the position, regardless of your decision I had fun writing that little scene and in the event I get the slot I will be using it as a part of his background. (Though I will probably paraphrase myself.) Also I would like to note the rp sample is exactly 578 words. I could have extended it but I think it would have been a little forced.
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