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 Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2012 8:20 pm
I've had a somewhat rocky relationship with my Canadian relatives (all my mom's side) except my dear uncle and his girlfriend, who have been very nice to us and treat us like family.
To Note:
I have, excluding my family,
- Grandparents (Both ma and pa)
- Two Aunts, The technically third is the uncle's girlfriend.
- Two Uncles
- Six cousins. (Two from my aunt and uncle, four from my uncle, one aunt is without children or husband)
- Two family friends. (They're good. Not much of them in this story)
I went with my mother, oldest sister, and little brother.
Let us begin.
I arrived to Canada for Christmas brunch at my grandparent's farm. Within half an hour, my cousin Ally (two years younger than me) is already shouting/giving attitude over eggs and who wasn't listening and all. Proceeded back to the kitchen run mostly by my aunt (Ally's mom).
Brunch is served. Us kids (excluding my uncle's four children, who are with their mother for the morning.) had to eat in the living room. I only, for less than five minutes, had a one on one conversation with my own grandmother before she was called into the kitchen by Ally over breakfast. I was able to spend time with my uncle Guy, who cares quite a bit for me and my siblings as we ate breakfast, much to Ally's dismay of not getting attention.
Afterwords, it was all chatting in the living room waiting for my other four cousins to arrive. It was nothing but conversations run by everyone else in the family.
I was FINALLY, after six months of trying, about to announce my enrollment to a beauty school to be an esthetican when my grandmother showed a possible eczema outbreak on her wrists when Ally called out why she wasn't wearing the bracelets given to her from her. I was able to go over what I'll do (skincare and cosmetics) and recommended my grandmother to keep up with her doctor's orders, apply a lotion after the shower and going to bed and to wear gloves when cleaning the house and doing dishes.
Ally, the hairdresser, shot me down going "And we care that you can play with make-up for what reasons?"
My other aunt looked at my own mother and said "You're not allowed to have another dog!" (For we got our new dog just after my oldest sister moved out)
Thanks a lot for the support.
So, after some snapping and shouting over getting in contact with my running-late cousins with Ally they arrive.
So, we open stockings and all. Presents were down by a name drawing and we passed out. During this time, my own uncle's children didn't know what they gave their presents to or what paper was wrapped in, for my uncle did it for them (even bought them) and they were calling him by his first name, rather than Dad.
My aunt, the mother of Ally, had me. She got me a giftcard, when everyone else had a thoughtful present.
My grandparents' attention was on the other cousins, not me at all. I only had 15 seconds with my grandfather who said I must of gotten the most thoughtful gift for my person I had to give to.
After gifts, I was the last one. My grandmother gave all of us grandchildren a small gift (I got a lovely scarf) and my other aunt announced that no names will be drawn, and that we would instead donate to a charity next year.
Half the room, including me, agreed. (My family, Uncle and his girlfriend, Other Aunt and grandparents)
The cousins, my aunt and uncle... "NO! WE WANT NAMES AND PRESENTS!"
It was a riot over what to do. I even stood up and said "You know, you get a gift sometimes when you donate. Doesn't matter, we don't need to draw names!"
Ally, being the ringleader, then said "Well, we'll start our own name drawing and if you wish to join, raise your hand!" All that said no to charity, did.
This issue remains unresolved.
As time progresses, the excess of presents were being given to my grandparents... all bought by my aunt and Ally.
A giant present emerged and my uncle and I noticed it was a Keurig. My uncle, quiet from what happened said "Did you know about the Keurig?"
"Nope."
"Neither did I, yet it'll be claimed that it'll be all of us."
"Sorry to leave you, but I'm heading back to the states. I'm done."
The present wasn't even fully unwrapped and I was out the door with my family (we all agreed to leave) heading back to the United States.
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This was my Christmas. I hated it.
I think that shall be my last with them. I will not have anything to do with my spoiled cousins running my grandmother's house.
As for my poor uncle, we've, my family, decided to invite him over for dinner and spend some time with us with his girlfriend as a treat to him. At least give the poor man who was ready to hide under the tree some dignity and respect.
We have a family reunion, same place, same people (just with more people!) on the 29th. And I dread it.
What can I do?
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Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2012 8:57 pm
Aww D:
Just... bring yourself something to read/do...? and maybe ignore them whenever you got enough?
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Irako of the Desert Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Dec 30, 2012 4:41 pm
Sounds a lot like Christmases used to be with my aunt and uncle, minus the lectures about how my life choices are completely and entirely the wrong ones. I think it'll be healthier for all involved if you do choose not to join in on a disaster like that again.
My uncle (dad's brother) hates my mom, but insists we come together on the holidays because "families should be together on the holidays." Ever since my grandmother (dad's mom) died, and the rest of the family travels or lives out of state during the holidays, my uncle's house is the only easily accessible place for family gathering. My mom stopped coming with me, my dad, and my sisters, because every single time she does come, she ends up offending my uncle on accident or upsetting him in some way. He already doesn't like her, so rather than subject herself to his thinly veiled rudeness and him to her presence, she just stopped going altogether.
After this year's Thanksgiving visit, my sisters and I decided we didn't want to go to our aunt and uncle's house anymore for the holidays. Rather than enjoy each other's company and catch up on recent events, one sister got a lecture about she's going to live in poverty for the rest of her life if she doesn't pick a college major that'll lead to a real job, the other one was basically ignored by everyone but me, and I had to keep my mouth shut as my aunt and uncle trotted out all their ignorant prejudices and opinions on minority groups as well as make backhanded comments to each other.
If you end up not spending holidays with your extended family, you'll get labeled as spiteful, hateful, and a general party-pooper. You'll probably get several guilt trips about your lack of attendance. But if you're truly happier spending time with the few family members that treat you with respect and kindness, do so. Don't force yourself to be in situations that will just make you hate the world for the sake of family. If you do, it negates the whole point of gathering together as a family.
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