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 Posted: Wed Nov 28, 2012 1:14 pm
Hmm so this troublesome bit of writing is to come from the heart. We'll see how it goes I suppose. All confidences left with me will stay with me, they will not be splashed across the internet never fear! heart
There are days when I am vague, I don't know how else to explain it. My mind drifts my heart is windblown. I loose some connections to the present on these days and scramble to attach myself to any reality that comes across to keep from floating away into the mist. Sounds a bit mad doesn't it? ^^;
Anywoo this usually is tied to pain, I have help with it lately but... I'm still struggling with it. Weak perhaps, but true. I know I've been dealing with chronic pain for ...cor over a decade O.O; but it still hurts, still wears you down, it still can leave you gasping. Or whimpering which is soooo not cool. >.<
You lot may have noticed my awesome vanishing act, it's out of necessity more than anything. I hate to leave when I am having a lovely time with equally lovely friends but sometimes I don't have enough in me to keep up with a conversation. Which sucks just to be clear... Anywhoo I try, really I do.....And most day's that's enough. heart
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Posted: Fri Nov 30, 2012 7:43 am
Hold it together.
Ride it out.
Scream.
Wash, rinse, repeat, it'll be fine. It'll be fine. It'll be fine.
This day this moment it's all that matters right? Bolt from the shadows and find the light? Don't think of the future, don't think of the past. Just hold onto the laughter and make it last. Laughing, crying, shaking, breaking, crying. Damnit I'm crying.
So fragile. Not yet. Please not yet.
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Posted: Fri Nov 30, 2012 3:56 pm
We understand, and we love you
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Posted: Fri Nov 30, 2012 4:32 pm
death on dark wings We understand, and we love you *cuddles* Thank you dearest it was just a gnarly morning sweatdrop
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Posted: Fri Nov 30, 2012 4:33 pm
Angry pokeychan death on dark wings We understand, and we love you *cuddles* Thank you dearest it was just a gnarly morning sweatdrop *snuggle* you love you lots^^ and we've ALL had those
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Posted: Fri Nov 30, 2012 10:19 pm
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Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2012 8:22 am
Ok so I've decided letting all that rubbish out every now and again is good. I feel better and ...cared for. Thank you for being there for me, now I can be there for others again heart (...though I'm not sure how much good it does them. sweatdrop )
So hmmm.....
I seem to be missing most of yesterday, apparantly I fell asleep and literally snarled when someone tried to wake me O.O ******** days do that to me, they totally wipe me out physically, mentally, and emotionally....but snarling is something new...at least I didn't try and bite her mrgreen
There has been so much sadness lately, I reckon it comes and goes like seasons and with Murphy pulling the strings everyone shifts to winter at the same time. So maybe it's time to let some sunlight in again....or to conquer the world....either way emotion_awesome
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Posted: Mon Dec 10, 2012 9:57 am
I was reading something I wrote from a year or two back from when I wasn't quite so sweet, wasn't quite so nice. Was going through a phase I suppose. On days like today I miss that person, if nothing else but for the freedom to make choices, poor though they were....
Maybe I should be grateful I'm stuck here? The decisions I can make are limited yes, but I've been good mostly. I still smoke, and enjoy vodka from time to time but my life has changed. For the better? I don't know. It feels like it most days, but I just can't help the desire to... to what? The friends I had back then are either gone, or in jail, maybe even dead. Either way there is no group to go back to with a laugh and smile saying "I'm back! My bad." Those times are gone.
Maybe it's for the best.
I wrote about wanting more than that, too bad it's a trade of freedom to get it. I wonder what it'll be like when I can escape these four walls, what choices will I make given the chance?
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Posted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 10:16 am
Balance tipping, slipping, trembling.
Oh no I'm fine can't you see my smile? Pay no attention to that cracking sound you hear. I'll center myself, I swear it'll be fine, just give me a moment to be whipped along by the storm. Let me scream into the winds.
Foolish. Such a foolish child. Just breathe it'll be fine.
Now off to battle with you. Walk it off, steel yourself, and put one foot in front of the other.
See it's fine. No need to worry.
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Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2012 9:13 am
Just wanted to say, I love you dearest pokey. And I'm always here for you if you need to talk. (which by now you should know this x3 ) Either way. <3 <3 <3 lots of hearts for you. Oh and cannot forget the cuddles OvO because cuddles are the way to go. *cuddles* cuddddlllleessss *creepy voice* OvO
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Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2012 9:17 am
Pixy Muffin Just wanted to say, I love you dearest pokey. And I'm always here for you if you need to talk. (which by now you should know this x3 ) Either way. <3 <3 <3 lots of hearts for you. Oh and cannot forget the cuddles OvO because cuddles are the way to go. *cuddles* cuddddlllleessss *creepy voice* OvO The same goes for you darling, you know. And I love you to bits! heart *hugs tight* Hahaha oh god cudddllleeeessss~ (and to steal your little smiley) OuO
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Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2012 12:38 pm
i want to join the cuddles 0.0
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Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2012 12:44 pm
death on dark wings i want to join the cuddles 0.0 *pulls into cuddle puddle* heart
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Posted: Tue Jan 01, 2013 11:33 am
The new year dawns bright but I feel the ground trembling under my feet. I smell the smoke of fires yet unlit and hear whispers on the wind.
I feel fear and I feel desperation.
Pain.
Seasons are changing, waxing and waning like the moon.
Winter is here.
Goddess preserve us all.
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Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2013 9:59 am
So much to feel so little to say.....
I felt shaken for a long time, I couldn't find the ground under my feet, I felt scared and uncomfortable in my own skin. I'm sure to feel it again at some point, but now? Now I feel more stable and more... vibrant? Like I could speak in color rather than type in black and white.
The fear still lurks, and the balance is delicate.... but right now. Now I feel like I can sing the stars.
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