|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Wed Aug 22, 2012 10:29 am
What do you guys think?
Do you mind your SO's hanging out with their ex's if they're still friends with them?
For me I don't mind if there are other people around. I've unfortunately been invited to places by my friends and Tom's ex is usually there because she's friends with my friends. She hates my guts so I just don't talk to her. And I know Tom sometimes goes out with his friends and she's there too, which I'm fine with because it's a big group of friends so it's inevitable.
But then Tom told me he had been asked by his ex-girlfriend to go see Batman in the cinema with her. I asked him if anyone else was coming and he said he wasn't sure. So I just straight up told him that if it was just those two, then I'm not comfortable with that and in general, I'm not comfortable with them hanging out if it's just the two of them. And Tom said that was totally fine and he won't hang out with her if I "forbid it". To which I said I didn't "forbid it", it's not an ultimatum or anything, but I was just expressing that I felt uncomfortable and that I thought he should know so he could take that into account. He said that was fine and he wouldn't do anything that made me uncomfortable.
Idk, is this a reasonable attitude to take? Because I mean, I trust Tom that nothing would ever happen, but I don't why, I still feel deeply uncomfortable with it. Like just hearing she asked him to go to the cinema made me feel physically horrible, that horrible feeling of anxiety in your stomach. I don't want to be the controlling girlfriend who "forbids" anything but at the same time, I would much rather she just stay out of his life. Am I just being really insecure?
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Aug 22, 2012 1:30 pm
I would feel the same way, and I think any person that was being 100% honest with themselves would feel at least fairly similar.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Quotable Conversationalist
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Aug 22, 2012 3:04 pm
Craig thinks all his exes aged horribly lolnso I'd be ok, except the one who flat out called twice asking him to have an affair. However most of my exes aged poorly too so it would be the same for him. No attraction. The one I would avoid though because he treated me like a queen and I would fall for it again in an instant I fear lol.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Aug 23, 2012 5:50 am
I'd def feel weirded out. Yeah like if it's in a large group it's sort of inevitable like you said but her asking him to go to the movies just them would def not be cool in my books.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Aug 23, 2012 8:09 am
Movies kind of sounds like a date so no...
I mean, that sort of one-on-one with the opposite sex is okay under some circumstances, if you're in a relationship.
Ex: if I went to a movie with my friend Ryan who I've been pals with since grade 9 and there has never been any sexual advancement lol. To me, that's alright.
Ex: Half way through my relationship I meet some guy through work and he asks me to go to a movie. No, I don't think it's okay. Seems too date-like.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Aug 23, 2012 10:20 am
I never understood how people can become buddy buddy with an ex that they were serious with. I just...I can't wrap my head around it. At all. I can't wrap my head around having sex with someone, being attracted to them, feeling affection then just somehow flipping a switch, turning those feelings off and going WE'RE JUST BEST FRIENDS NOW. YAAAAAAY.
Maybe it's because I tend to feel very strong emotions towards people I date very quickly. I've never casually dated. I've always gone from being single to being in exclusive relationships.
I didn't and still don't really feel comfortable with casually seeing more than one person. And I don't consider someone you went on a date with a few times an ex.
I am friends with one ex.
We 'dated' for 2 months when we were 13 and 14, and by dated I mean we held hands and wrote notes and set things on fire in the creek sewer down at the park.
We kissed once.
That's it. That is the extent of friends with an ex that I can understand.
So no. I am not comfortable with it in any stretch of the imagination. One of my worst anxiety attacks that I have ever had was over the idea of Brandon hanging out with his ex before he moved out here.
I won't mention who it was, but someone in the guild texted me and asked why I wouldn't let him hang out with his ex while I was drunk and already upset about something else and I just flew off the handle. I stayed up all night crying, couldn't sleep, feeling threatened, feeling absolutely ******** worthless because I'm not a catch, Spent all that evening comparing myself to someone else that I'd never even met and started shaking violently when I tried to go to bed. Every time I shut my eyes and started to relax my muscles would just sieze up and I'd have spasms in my legs and my back to the point where I called my friend at about 6AM because I knew she had to be awake for something and asked her to give me a muscle relaxer so I'd stop shaking.
She came and got me and gave me one after we got back to her house from her early AM errands and I literally melted into her couch for several hours.
So no. I don't like the idea at all. ******** that. if you ever had sex and a strong emotional attachment to them, I think it's bizarre that you want to be friends. Maybe that makes me a c**t. I don't know, and honestly, I don't care if it does.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Aug 23, 2012 12:43 pm
I think your feelings are reasonable. The only ex Stephen has who's still around is Amy, but they weren't really 'boyfriend and girlfriend' they just had sex and she gave him pills, stopped, and then they found out she was pregnant (after she told him she couldn't have kids).
I would feel uncomfortable with Stephen hanging out alone with another woman regardless of whether or not they dated before. However there is a girl he works with who I've met (she is really pretty and sweet) that he medicates with sometimes since they are both medical. I don't really mind that.
It's not that I don't trust him and that's why I'm uncomfortable... I just don't feel comfortable.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Aug 24, 2012 5:36 am
Phew, I'm so glad you guys feel the same way, makes me feel a lot less crazy.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Aug 24, 2012 9:08 am
well, my best friend is also technically my ex. so if i started dating someone and they asked me to stop seeing him i would be more likely to stop seeing new guy.
so i couldn't really ask new guy to stop seeing anybody else even though it probably would make me uncomfortable.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Aug 25, 2012 12:44 pm
I'd probably have gone about it the same way. I wouldn't feel right forbidding anyone I'm dating from anything unless I saw it as detrimental to their well-being or something. They're an adult, if you're dating them, it's at least expected to trust their judgement to a degree.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Aug 27, 2012 11:08 am
I'd be uncomfortable with it too, it sounds too like a date. I also trust my boyfriend completely, but it'd be his ex I wouldn't trust. For me it's very hard to be in a relationship with someone and not think that a girl asking for that kind of one-on-one time with him doesn't see him the way I do.
It's fair enough not to trust her even though you trust him and the idea of a girl trying to push herself on my boyfriend, even if she gets no response from him, makes me uncomfortable.
He is free to do what he wants, but on the basis that it upsets you, not want to do it, which seems like the case smile
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
