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 Posted: Fri Jun 01, 2012 8:42 pm
@Knox: Whatever helps you sleep at night ~
@Pav: I've only read the first post thus far.
I'm not sure if you wanted any editing done, but being a writer, I can't really help it. Orz
Once his recording end(s), Pavilo…
turn the light (in correlation) with his eye movements
he turns on the light from his pack on but not
(you only need one of those 'on's)
OK, now that I've said that, even though you probably don't really care... B )
So far I like it. The flow is good, as is the fact that I can already begin to feel a connection with the Pavilo of the story.
The only thing I can really point out that might make it a bit better is if you add a bit more diversity to your word choice.
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Posted: Fri Jun 01, 2012 8:50 pm
Awwe<3
D;
But, I need to keep you in my life.
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Posted: Fri Jun 01, 2012 8:52 pm
iSports Fanatic
@Knox: Whatever helps you sleep at night ~
The pills are the only things that help me sleep at night.
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Posted: Sat Jun 02, 2012 6:00 am
Other ways to contact your a** >:C
I can't believe I freaking missed you D:
Also, I don't really care, if you want to give me something, you can, but this better not be you quitting.
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Posted: Sat Jun 02, 2012 6:12 am
iSports Fanatic I've only read the first post thus far.
I'm not sure if you wanted any editing done, but being a writer, I can't really help it. Orz
Once his recording end(s), Pavilo…
turn the light (in correlation) with his eye movements
he turns on the light from his pack on but not
(you only need one of those 'on's)
OK, now that I've said that, even though you probably don't really care... B )
So far I like it. The flow is good, as is the fact that I can already begin to feel a connection with the Pavilo of the story.
The only thing I can really point out that might make it a bit better is if you add a bit more diversity to your word choice. Yeah, I'm not really going to be bothering to fix this story up but I do appreciate the attention called to it. That'll help me keep an eye out for things while I'm writing later. As for the word diversity, I've been correcting that and it should be more apparent in the latest post.
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Posted: Sat Jun 02, 2012 9:12 am
@Mutating: Even if I HAD other messengers, I would be on them even less than I am on here.
Because of a few circumstances, my free time is transforming from zip to none.
@Knox: Can I borrow some? D8
@Psy: That's because I'm like a ninja.
Here one moment, gone the next.
...errr...it's not may way of quitting per say, more my way of giving away because I'm not planning on spending anymore time buying items and whatnot for myself, so why keep the gold?
@Pav: I'll get to reading the other two parts as soon as I can.
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Posted: Sat Jun 02, 2012 5:51 pm
Aw, I miss you so much Sports.
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Posted: Sat Jun 02, 2012 7:22 pm
Of course, Sports! I'll just sell my body to a few more people to get some money to get the good stuff! 4laugh
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